Baby Showers

..How do I decline this politely (when really, I want to not be so nice)?

Ok -- here goes:

A girl I KNOW! AKA: we were friends in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, is pregnant. AGAIN. With her 5th child. The 4th isn't a year old yet. Doesn't waste any time. Her first was a girl, she's 10, I believe. Children 2, 3, and 4 are boys. Her first 3 kids are with another man, #4 and #5 will have the same father. And the father has children with other people (he needs to be fixed). She's now pregnant with a girl. We haven't seen eachother since Elementary School but of course the world of Facebook has increased stalking capabilities in everyone and now she sends me messages constantly as if we are best friends.

She has decided to throw herself a shower, ugh. She then made a Facebook event (double ugh), and informed everyone of her registry at BRU and now is leaving status updates ALL DAY LONG telling everyone to let her know if they're coming so she knows how much food to make. I was sent an "invite" on Facebook and haven't declined or aknowleged it for that matter because I don't want her to ask me why I cannot come.

While I don't mind 2nd showers if the kids are years apart in age or some other matter that makes it relevant, you didn't have a shower with the first, and so on, the thought of a 5th shower drives me batty. Especially when #4 is so new. Also, our LO is 6 weeks old, she messaged me to ask me if I wanted to buy her toddler bed and dresser. I told her "no thanks." 1. because we have a crib that converts and 2. I asked her why she would be selling it knowing that she will soon need it for #4 then again with #5.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not sure how to politely decline her invites/requests to buy things from her etc.. without sounding like a snobby brat and telling her right where to go with her Facebook event lol It must be these hormones all outta whack because I can't see the point of this shower... 

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Re: ..How do I decline this politely (when really, I want to not be so nice)?

  • Just ignore it. Hopefully other people will have the sense to do so too. 
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  • Oh boy.  Honestly, would it be the end of the world if you just unfriended her? 

    At a minimum, I'd stop replying.  Just "disappear" from her life.  If you never respond, she WILL stop reaching out to you.  She will! 

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • Just decline the invitation.  If a invitation were sent in the mail you could RSVP with your regrets, though I do not know if a facebook event allows that.  No explanation is needed.  If she asks, simply say you are sorry but cannot attend.  I would however, be sure that you do not post any status updates on facebook that day.  While no explanation is needed it would be in poor taste of on the day of her shower she saw an update with your actual whereabouts.
    image BFP #3 02/14/2012 - EDD 10/20/2012 Started prometrium right away, hoping this one sticks Beta #1 (02/15) 37. Torrey born 10/21/2012 w 6lb 14oz, 19.5" long Beta #2 (02/17) 87 Doubling time 38.91 Beta #3 (02/22) 495 Doubling time 47.84 Beta #4 (02/28) 8108 Doubling time 35.70 ~grow baby grow~ Updated EDD 10/26 BFP #2 01/10/2012 - EDD 09/18/2012, Chemical Pregnancy ended 01/13/2012 BFP #1 12/03/2011 - EDD 08/06/2012, Natural M/C 12/13/2011
  • Just decline the invite and unsubscribe from her posts.  Simple and effective.  
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  • Just decline and say you have other plans that day.  You don't have to provide any excuse. 

    If it were me, I would just unfriend her.  It sounds like you don't like her or want to talk to her anyway, so what's the point really?  

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  • sesigssesigs member
    I would just decline the invite on FB. No explanation is really required but honestly you have a newborn yourself so that can be reason enough! 
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  • imagetiffmatt:
    I would however, be sure that you do not post any status updates on facebook that day.  While no explanation is needed it would be in poor taste of on the day of her shower she saw an update with your actual whereabouts.
    See- this is why she just needs to unfriend or TOTALLY ignore this girl.  She shojuldn't have to start thinking this way over a girl she hasn't seen since elementary school!
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • She sounds like the ultimate violator of etiquette but by not responding to her invitation, you are also being rude.  Simply decline.  You don't have to give her an explanation.

    If you don't like her, unfriend her.

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  • It can be really hard to unfriend people sometimes, especially if they don't have a ton of friends because they will notice. However, I have become quite good at blocking people. They stop seeing my posts and I stop seeing theirs. And they have no idea. 
    Single Mother by Choice. Life didn't work out the way I planned so I did it on my own. IUI #s 1-3, unmedicated = BFN, IUI #s 4-6, 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel = BFN IVF #1: 23R, 20M, 17F. 5 day transfer 2 blasts. 2 Snowbabies BFP 6dp5dt, Beta #1 7dp5dt = 58, Beta #2 9dp5dt = 114, Beta #3 10dp5dt = 187 1st Ultrasound = 5/3, not much to see yet. 2nd Ultrasound = 5/17, TWINS!!! Hospital Bed Rest at 32 weeks due to pre-ecclampsia and severe edema. Audrey Grace, 5lbs9oz, & Lydia Louise, 6lbs, born via emergency c-section on 12/6/12 at 36w1d My IVF Journey
  • Regardless of your decision on attending the ill advised, tacky shower, do you normally feel that the family planning of distant, elementary school acquaintances is your business? Because it makes you sound like a judgmental b. 

  • I would decline, you don't need to give an explanation.  Then, I would defriend her.
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  • You sound like you don't care for her at all, why is she a friend on FB, or why are you worried about how you would make her feel if you didn't go??

    Just click the DECLINE button. End of story.

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  • imagemorethancottoncandy:
    Just decline the invite and unsubscribe from her posts.  Simple and effective.  

    I agree.  You haven't seen her in ages, you'll both get along fine without each other.

    FWIW, you don't have to offer a reason you can't make it to her shower, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell her exactly why.

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  • Easy..delete the b off facebook. You clearly don't like her...why are you on facebook with her
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  • I agree with PPs that just suggested you delete her.  I'll admit to being really sensitive to things being tacky, but the part of this post that got under my skin the most was you saying that her husband needs to be "fixed."  Who are you to say that about anyone (who isn't a child abuser or someone obviously incapable of parenting)?  
    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
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  • imagesda6485:

    Ok -- here goes:

    A girl I KNOW! AKA: we were friends in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, is pregnant. AGAIN. With her 5th child. The 4th isn't a year old yet. Doesn't waste any time.

    I didn't read anything after this. Rude. 

    So apparently people who choose to have children close in age are somehow.... what? Unintelligent? Can't keep it in their pants? I don't understand what you're trying to imply, but you're incredibly insulting.

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  • OK -- PP when in the world did I state because people have children close together it makes them unintelligent or can't keep their pants on?? You obviously need to take a pill. Those words never left my mouth. I said the 4th isn't a year old because she just had a shower for him and as he grew out of his things, she got rid of them. Now she wants a shower for another baby after having 4! So, I don't know where that came from but you need to get off your high horse and not put words in my mouth. Want to talk insulting??

    Secondly, I also didn't state that I didn't like her. No, I haven't seen her in ages and I just don't feel that I should have been invited to an event like this because of that. I have declined the invite and exactly what I thought would happen, did. She asked why I couldn't come and told me how people are mad at her for throwing her own shower after she just had one. And I told her the truth about how I felt.

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  • imagekacelle:
    I agree with PPs that just suggested you delete her.  I'll admit to being really sensitive to things being tacky, but the part of this post that got under my skin the most was you saying that her husband needs to be "fixed."  Who are you to say that about anyone (who isn't a child abuser or someone obviously incapable of parenting)?  

    OK, first, never stated her was her husband. Second, when you're getting multiple women pregnant and not taking responsibility until there's a DNA test (if even then) then I'm sorry, that does make you "obviously incapable of parenting" as you say. When you continue to make children and expect the world to buy everything you need for your child when you should already have them or have kept them from the last child is "obviously incapable of parenting." Like I have said, we have not seen each other since Elementary School but she will tell anyone/everyone what's going on. Again, she makes it public knowlege.

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  • imageKayaXavier:

    Regardless of your decision on attending the ill advised, tacky shower, do you normally feel that the family planning of distant, elementary school acquaintances is your business? Because it makes you sound like a judgmental b. 

    See. I never really said that it was my business. However, I did offer up the background info to go along with my reasoning. And while I did say that he should be "fixed' since we are talking via computer to computer, I suppose that you couldn't hear the "sarcasm" in my voice. This is why people get all crazy when people post and or text because people take their words and because they can't hear how they are stating things, they draw their own conclusions and insert how they assume that person is stating something. Also, when she makes her "family planning" public and asks opinions and posts personal details and stories for the world to see, I suppose giving my opinion is really not a bad thing considering she's setting herself up for that. I simply asked advice as to how to appropriately decline an invitation to something that I was made a part of by this person. Do you normally feel that calling complete strangers over the internet names is your business?

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  • imagemagnoliablossom00:
    imagesda6485:

    Ok -- here goes:

    A girl I KNOW! AKA: we were friends in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, is pregnant. AGAIN. With her 5th child. The 4th isn't a year old yet. Doesn't waste any time.

    I didn't read anything after this. Rude. 

    So apparently people who choose to have children close in age are somehow.... what? Unintelligent? Can't keep it in their pants? I don't understand what you're trying to imply, but you're incredibly insulting.

    And that's just it -- DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO IMPLY .. because I wasn't implying a single thing. I was simply being "humorous." Obviously, your laughing train checked out of the station a few miles back. You. however, are trying to make it sound like you know exactly who I am and what I'm "trying to imply.' I have many good friends/family whose children are all very close in age -- I don't know what that has to do with the price of tea in China. But when you have 5 children in succession, 1 who isn't a year old yet, and continue to ask people to buy things for the child is what I feel is RUDE. Now, had you asked me what I was "trying to imply" I would have informed you of my reasoning but instead you, like some others, took it upon yourself to put words into my mouth when no such thing was said.

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  • OP - don't worry about pp's... I agree with you and understand your post and what you were trying to accomplish by asking it. She sounds like an AW!!

    You indicate you told her the truth as to why you weren't coming - I am just curious, what did she say?

  • That's the beauty of facebook. You push the "decline" button. Done.
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