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Adoption
Update.... ICWA :(
Well, our ICWA nightmare is alive and well. 
We (our attorney, ASP, and facilitator) are in uncharted territory. Our little girl is due any day and one of the alleged birth fathers is Native American. Our team was under the impression that since the law is written for presumed birth fathers, we did not have to serve notice. Now we learn that we must notify the tribe regardless of birth father status. So, the chances of this little girl being born and us not having a response from the tribe before her birth are quite likely. We are devastated to think that we may bring her home only to have to hand her to strangers because of her ancestry. The birth father who is native Indian, but not registered withthe tribe, is in agreement with the adoption plan. The alleged Caucasian birth father is on board with the adoption plan. The maternal family is on board with the plan, but the tribe could possibly ignore every one's wishes for an open adoption with us and claim the baby.
We are just sick. I have not stopped crying. I am praying that the tribe will honor the parents' decision for a non-native placement. I did not realize how quickly I would fall in love with this unborn baby and just enjoy the company of her mother, her grandmother and even the boyfriend who is the #2 alleged father. I am praying that I have made a bigger deal out of this than need be, but I don't think that I am.
Thanks for reading this. It helps a lot to just right this down and process what is occurring.
We (our attorney, ASP, and facilitator) are in uncharted territory. Our little girl is due any day and one of the alleged birth fathers is Native American. Our team was under the impression that since the law is written for presumed birth fathers, we did not have to serve notice. Now we learn that we must notify the tribe regardless of birth father status. So, the chances of this little girl being born and us not having a response from the tribe before her birth are quite likely. We are devastated to think that we may bring her home only to have to hand her to strangers because of her ancestry. The birth father who is native Indian, but not registered withthe tribe, is in agreement with the adoption plan. The alleged Caucasian birth father is on board with the adoption plan. The maternal family is on board with the plan, but the tribe could possibly ignore every one's wishes for an open adoption with us and claim the baby.
We are just sick. I have not stopped crying. I am praying that the tribe will honor the parents' decision for a non-native placement. I did not realize how quickly I would fall in love with this unborn baby and just enjoy the company of her mother, her grandmother and even the boyfriend who is the #2 alleged father. I am praying that I have made a bigger deal out of this than need be, but I don't think that I am.
Thanks for reading this. It helps a lot to just right this down and process what is occurring.
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Re: Update.... ICWA :(
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
You are welcome, I am here if you need to talk. We went through the ringer with our NA adoption due to the tribe not responding for a little while. Once they did though it was smooth sailing.
What tribe is the father with? Each tribe is so different.
Yakama Tribe
T&Ps!!!
I hope this is your baby!
Getting through ICWA laws can be a pain, but it really really helps that possible bio dad is not registered with the tribe. Perhaps he doesn't have enough ethnic heritage to claim for their tribe = neither would the baby.
Hang in there, you are in my thoughts. Mari is awesome, and she will jump through hoops at any time of the day or night to help you guys to get everything straightened out, she is a great person to have on your side. Does your attorney have experience with ICWA? Hopefully your attorney is not K.M., who they used to recommend, but I believe have stopped recommending her. If it is, I STRONGLY recommend somebody else (our experience with her was HORRIBLE, and a fairly simple case, with no ICWA), especially with ICWA experience as you really want to make sure your bases are covered.
All the legal stuff aside, stay strong, enjoy the experience of getting to know the birth family, and enjoy the birth of that little baby. Take in the moments, as they fly by so fast at this stage in the process. Everything will come together, and you'll be great parents.
Tribe can only claim her if she is NA. We are 95% sure he is the birthfather, given the due date and prediction on the pregnancy wheel. Sorry if I was unclear at the beginning, I have been an emotional mess. That being said, we made a plan, and now it is in God's hands. We are at peace, given the situation. Oh yeah, and mom is now 1 cm dilated!
Oh Honey don't apologize!!! From what I understand- outside of Cherokee and Navajo tribes, most others are quite receptive and willing to "take in" the adoptive parents so to speak if you're willing to educate LO on the tribe, etc.
Praying for you, BM, and LO!
Oh hon, I am so sorry you are on this roller coaster. Hang in there. It will be so worth it. All my thoughts and prayers for smooth sailing.
Hugs to you
I am so sorry this is causing you stress.... I know how scary it all can be. Hang in there and know lots of us are praying for you and the baby.
Darn these antiquated laws! As a side, I would assume most adoptive parents would gladly register with the tribe, incorporate heritage, etc... but instead these laws make us leary and somewhat afraid of the tribes. Ugh.
Hi - My friends were just devastated by ICWA. I wanted to make sure you are aware of our efforts and to find out how things turned out for you. We are actively working toward getting amendments to the law. The amendments we are pushing for would protect you in this type of situation. A group of us are going to DC on July 11 to advocate for changes to this law. Hopefully, everything worked out for you. Here is some information if you are interested. God bless!
https://www.facebook.com/SaveVeronicaRose
https://www.change.org/petitions/save-veronica