Shower at a restaurant question.

Myreppboys · June 2012

My MIL is throwing me my shower; she is such a wonderful woman. We were going to have it at our home because she is currently having all of her floors pulled up and redone through the whole house (Spanish tile instead of carpet). I thought it would be tacky to have it at my house but didn?t want to say anything to her because I didn?t want to be rude or hurt her feelings. She called me earlier today told me she read in an etiquette book that it would be tacky to have it at my house. So we decided to have it at a restaurant so here is my question, when you have it at a restaurant do you just order a ton of appetizers (what my mother in law would like to do) or do we buy everyone lunch (which is what I thought we should do). I know some ladies here have had showers at restaurants or been to one so your suggestions of what would be correct would be great.

Thanks J

danieliza1127 · June 2012

Really either way is fine. Some restaurants will let you create a limited menu that the guests can choose from, or if she's thinking of setting up like an appetizer type buffet, that would work great too. It doesn't have to be a full meal right off the menu. As long as something is provided, appetizers and cake or a specific limited menu, you'll be fine.

kjskjs · June 2012

I think it would all come down to what time of day you have the shower. If it is near a normal meal then I would assume you should buy a full meal but if it's in between meals just do some apetizers.

Myreppboys · June 2012

kjskjs:
I think it would all come down to what time of day you have the shower. If it is near a normal meal then I would assume you should buy a full meal but if it's in between meals just do some apetizers.

Its going to be about 2pm so in between meals for sure. We are having a very nice bakery making a cake for the shower as well.

danieliza1127 · June 2012

At 2pm, I wouldn't expect a full meal. I would eat lunch before I go. I think you'd be fine with appetizers and cake.

bklynbmp · June 2012

My experience has always been a full meal but I think you could definitely do apps if there was plenty of food to go around.

EastCoastBride · June 2012

I'll address the other aspect - it's not tacky to have the shower at your home. If anything, it makes sense. You don't have to lug all these gifts back to your house. As long as it's clear you aren't hosting it, having it at your house is perfectly fine.

amb5353 · June 2012

I haven't had much of a hand in my shower other than picking what food I would like. The place my MIL is having it has a buffet that they can do. I think my shower is around lunch time. If I were a guest and it were around a meal time I would enjoy being able to have my brunch/lunch/dinner then.

See what the venue offers and take into account the time the shower is going to be at.

EastCoastBride · June 2012

Estwd2:
I guess I'm the only one, but honestly if I went to a restaurant, I would expect a meal. I've never been to a shower at a restaurant where a meal was not served. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, because based on responses here, it does. But after I finished some apps, I'd be looking around for the main course.

I probably would be too. For it to be just apps, I'd probably wonder "then why did we have it here? Why didn't we do this at someones home instead?".

jillychris · June 2012

My mother, sister and aunt are having a shower for me at an Italian food restaurant. it's over a lunch time, so we are serving a meal. It's a set price per person and we are able to pick 5 items off the menu...it will be set up buffet style, unlimited of each item we picked for the group.

BallSox · June 2012

The bottom line is, the guest shouldn't leave having to pay a bill.

Set up a special menu, order for them or foot the bill for their choices, it's all the same and up to the hostess--as long as she pays at the end.

rhubarb123 · June 2012

EastCoastBride:

I'll address the other aspect - it's not tacky to have the shower at your home. If anything, it makes sense. You don't have to lug all these gifts back to your house. As long as it's clear you aren't hosting it, having it at your house is perfectly fine.

I agree with this quote. Also, regarding food...a bunch of appetizers and drinks for everyone would be fine for a 2 pm shower.

BailieMc · June 2012

If you only order apps, please make sure your waiter gets a good tip. The bill will be so small but with a large party, they'll likely be doing just as much work as if everyone ordered a plate. I'm surprised there are all these laws of courtesy within social settings but little when it comes to waitstaff. Earning dollars is as important to them as having a non-tacky party is to you and your MIL.

MesmrEwe · June 2012

EastCoastBride:

I'll address the other aspect - it's not tacky to have the shower at your home. If anything, it makes sense. You don't have to lug all these gifts back to your house. As long as it's clear you aren't hosting it, having it at your house is perfectly fine.

AMEN!!! Especially for a baby shower it's not an etiquette faux pas because this way the new Mom doesn't need to be hauling gifts especially if there's any chance by then that you'd be on bedrest.

If she's set on having it at the restaurant though, I'd base the decision on what the pricing is. By the time you buy all the apps for people it oftentimes is cheaper to just order a meal then give drink tokens (one per person up to a certain amount)... It's all in what her budget is...

lclaws13 · June 2012

EastCoastBride:

I'll address the other aspect - it's not tacky to have the shower at your home. If anything, it makes sense. You don't have to lug all these gifts back to your house. As long as it's clear you aren't hosting it, having it at your house is perfectly fine.

I've thrown several showers for friends in their own homes. While it puts more stress on them to clean, not having to lug stuff home was awesome. In each case MTB was on light bedrest, but still, it was really nice, and they got to show off the nurseries.

Shower at a restaurant question.

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