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Question, please come in...

I don't post a whole lot, especially haven't on here in a while.  I mostly lurk around and post very few on other boards.  BUT I have a question and I'm seriously not trying to start a war on here but why is it that everyone is so darn snappy towards others and especially new people who come on?   Everyone was new once.  I feel like I can't even post anymore because of the negative comments that come back AND I by no means expect everything to be "puppies and rainbows", so please spare me that line.  I can take advice or an honest opinion but not a rude, hurtful one.  I have been called names on here and also told I sounded uneducated because I used the word "ain't".  Where I'm from, ain't and y'all are words but that's besides the point.  

I would love to be able to post, make friends and get to know others but when people are going to be intentionally rude, why would anyone want to?  Does anyone else feel this way or am I basically going to get chewed out for this post too?  

Thanks :) 

 

Edit:  I meant to add that I wasn't referring to this board.. 

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Re: Question, please come in...

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    I'm new, and I have yet to be really snapped at so I can't say I know how it feels. However, I also pick and choose what to respond to and post about. When you're on a board like this, there are hundreds of hormonal women from different cultures, upbringings, and backgrounds responding to things. When you ask a question and ask for opinions, you're going to get some things that you don't like or want to hear. The trouble with the internet is that you don't understand the tone people say things in. Sometimes, it gets blown WAY out of proportion for something that wasn't even meant to be rude. Sorry if this seems like rambling. I've just learned that if you don't like what people are saying, avoid the post. If you don't want others' opinions and are prepared for some backlash, I wouldn't ask the question...

    Hope you don't take this as snapping, just my honest two cents. 

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    I agree with you! Sometimes, it does feel as though people on the boards think that since they were here "first" they get to determine the feel of the place. 

    I'm not new to boards and forums, in fact, my job is on a forum for games as a moderator. Trust me, I've seen and heard it all. I do think that the hormones here spice up people's responses, and the fact that this is the internet and therefore "faceless" (meaning no face-to-face contact) can make people be more blunt than they would in real life. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing.

    I don't have advice for you, personally. All I know to do is to be careful with my wording, and not reply to topics I know are bound to get heated. Oh, and try not to feed the trolls. ;) 

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    imagecbrotz2010:

    I'm new, and I have yet to be really snapped at so I can't say I know how it feels. However, I also pick and choose what to respond to and post about. When you're on a board like this, there are hundreds of hormonal women from different cultures, upbringings, and backgrounds responding to things. When you ask a question and ask for opinions, you're going to get some things that you don't like or want to hear. The trouble with the internet is that you don't understand the tone people say things in. Sometimes, it gets blown WAY out of proportion for something that wasn't even meant to be rude. Sorry if this seems like rambling. I've just learned that if you don't like what people are saying, avoid the post. If you don't want others' opinions and are prepared for some backlash, I wouldn't ask the question...

    Hope you don't take this as snapping, just my honest two cents. 

    Not at all, and a lot of the times I do ignore things and I know things do get thrown out as snarky, when they're really not.  I can take whatever and I love an honest opinion.  I just don't appreciate being called uneducated, or things like that and I see a lot of this on the bump, not so much this board though.  It's like some do it just because it's "the internet" and there is nothing you can do about it.   I guess, where I'm from we're just friendly ole southern people, who wave at strangers and say thank you after everything.  I know everyone is different but some things are just uncalled for.   

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    imageRissKay:

     since they were here "first" they get to determine the feel of the place. 

     I do think that the hormones here spice up people's responses, and the fact that this is the internet and therefore "faceless" (meaning no face-to-face contact) can make people be more blunt than they would in real life.

     

    I can't bold because of google chrome but THIS exactly!   Thanks, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

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    ps. if you ctrl + b you can bold. :)And then ctrl + b to get out of it. (I use chrome, too) Highlighting and then those two keys should work as well! 
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    It sounds like you need to put your big girl panties on and get over it. Post if you want to post; no one here can stop you.  No one here probably cares enough to try to stop you.  You can not control how people respond to your posts, so don't try. Also, don't get so emotionally invested in what people say that you are willing to write a novel of a post on it.  

    I do not recommend that you come onto a board and complain about the drama you had on another board, it will not win you friends.  

     

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    i completely agree, i think a lot of women on here are so rude for no reason! i don't expect to get along with every single person and i know that everyone's opinions are going to clash, but c'mon... there's not reason for grown women to be calling each other names and being catty. oh, and where i'm from ain't and y'all are words too! :P
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    imageRissKay:
    ps. if you ctrl + b you can bold. :)And then ctrl + b to get out of it. (I use chrome, too) Highlighting and then those two keys should work as well! 

     

    Thanks, I appreciate that!  Chrome won't let you do anything. 

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    imagedpraseutsinh:
    i completely agree, i think a lot of women on here are so rude for no reason! i don't expect to get along with every single person and i know that everyone's opinions are going to clash, but c'mon... there's not reason for grown women to be calling each other names and being catty. oh, and where i'm from ain't and y'all are words too! :P

     

    Man, I thought I was THE only one.  Haha!   

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    I'm not really "new" to the board, but I'm no regular.  I got on during my last pregnancy and again at the start of this one.  I'm sure I've had posts that people have rolled their eyes at or got snarky with me on.  I think a lot of the "snappy" or snarkyness that you are talking about comes from a few things, not that I agree or disagree with any of them really but here's my thoughts...

    1. people ask questions that can just as easily be googled/binged.   When you see the same simple question asked who knows how many times a day...it gets old

    2. folks ask things that really only a DR can help with.  Its one thing to ask about someones previous experience, its another to ask complete strangers on an online forum what you should do about [insert crazy issue here]

    3. people think EVERYONE should be THRILLED about their pregnancy.  Just doesn't happen.  

     4. Some folks thrive off drama, they intentionally post stupid s*** just to be annoying or whine.  Its annoying.

    5. and I think this one is most of it.  People get on asking others OPINIONS and when they read something they don't agree with or it was the answer they wanted, they get all defensive and bent out of shape.  

     On a happier rainbow and puppy note, I wish you the best of luck in your pregnancy :D  ha! 

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    imageNayna1mom:

    I don't post a whole lot, especially haven't on here in a while.  I mostly lurk around and post very few on other boards.  BUT I have a question and I'm seriously not trying to start a war on here but why is it that everyone is so darn snappy towards others and especially new people who come on?   Everyone was new once.  I feel like I can't even post anymore because of the negative comments that come back AND I by no means expect everything to be "puppies and rainbows", so please spare me that line.  I can take advice or an honest opinion but not a rude, hurtful one.  I have been called names on here and also told I sounded uneducated because I used the word "ain't".  Where I'm from, ain't and y'all are words but that's besides the point.  

    I would love to be able to post, make friends and get to know others but when people are going to be intentionally rude, why would anyone want to?  Does anyone else feel this way or am I basically going to get chewed out for this post too?  

    Thanks :) 

     

    Edit:  I meant to add that I wasn't referring to this board.. 

    Most people have been nice. But i have definitely gotten the rude responses! I hate posting things on hehe now because of the way some people reply. I asked a question about shower invites and someone told me to get over myself and another told me i was tacky and shouldn't even have a shower. A couple ladies alos told me they names i was thinking over were disgusting and horrid. I dont know if they think its not rude, but it is actually kinda hurtful to have those rude comments from multiple people.

     

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    How many times are you going to say TB is nothing but a bunch of meanie heads before you realize you're not going to change the way it is? It's a public message board meaning people are going to say whatever they want. If you don't like it either grow thicker skin or click the little red x at the top right corner of your screen. Problem solved. It's kind of sad if the meanies on the internet affect your life enough to post this.

    Oh, and the ladies here aren't rude to new people. I'm still new and no one has said anything to me I considered rude or hurtful. If you come on here saying stupid sh*t, people are going to give you their honest opinion.

     

     
                                                             | R 11/22/12  |  L 03/14/14 |
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    Oh, and OP, ctrl + i is italics, and ctrl + u is underlined! I also use Google chrome and it took me forever to learn these little things. 
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    imageSoCoGirl:

    It sounds like you need to put your big girl panties on and get over it. Post if you want to post; no one here can stop you.  No one here probably cares enough to try to stop you.  You can not control how people respond to your posts, so don't try. Also, don't get so emotionally invested in what people say that you are willing to write a novel of a post on it.  

    I do not recommend that you come onto a board and complain about the drama you had on another board, it will not win you friends.  

     

    Yes 

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    imagesamsterrr:
    imageNayna1mom:

    I don't post a whole lot, especially haven't on here in a while.  I mostly lurk around and post very few on other boards.  BUT I have a question and I'm seriously not trying to start a war on here but why is it that everyone is so darn snappy towards others and especially new people who come on?   Everyone was new once.  I feel like I can't even post anymore because of the negative comments that come back AND I by no means expect everything to be "puppies and rainbows", so please spare me that line.  I can take advice or an honest opinion but not a rude, hurtful one.  I have been called names on here and also told I sounded uneducated because I used the word "ain't".  Where I'm from, ain't and y'all are words but that's besides the point.  

    I would love to be able to post, make friends and get to know others but when people are going to be intentionally rude, why would anyone want to?  Does anyone else feel this way or am I basically going to get chewed out for this post too?  

    Thanks :) 

     

    Edit:  I meant to add that I wasn't referring to this board.. 

    Most people have been nice. But i have definitely gotten the rude responses! I hate posting things on hehe now because of the way some people reply. I asked a question about shower invites and someone told me to get over myself and another told me i was tacky and shouldn't even have a shower. A couple ladies alos told me they names i was thinking over were disgusting and horrid. I dont know if they think its not rude, but it is actually kinda hurtful to have those rude comments from multiple people.

     

    This is why I spend most of my time on the Preg after a Loss board now.  Hopefully, you don't ever have to post there!...  But, I will say the women are amazing, and the snappy, overly rude replies are virtually non existent.  I have found that there are a handful of 'b**** culprits' on this board, who consistently get their rocks off on being rude and snarky.  These people are lame and clearly have some emotional issues, so I just choose to read over or chuckle at their posts.  There will always be people like this in life... at school, work etc.  You have to learn to ignore them.  For the most part, I have found a few wonderful women who I have alot in common with.

    Like a PP said, this is the internet, and this particular board is infested with hormonal women.  Nuff said.  So don't take things personally! 

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    imageBabyShipp:

    I'm not really "new" to the board, but I'm no regular.  I got on during my last pregnancy and again at the start of this one.  I'm sure I've had posts that people have rolled their eyes at or got snarky with me on.  I think a lot of the "snappy" or snarkyness that you are talking about comes from a few things, not that I agree or disagree with any of them really but here's my thoughts...

    1. people ask questions that can just as easily be googled/binged.   When you see the same simple question asked who knows how many times a day...it gets old

    2. folks ask things that really only a DR can help with.  Its one thing to ask about someones previous experience, its another to ask complete strangers on an online forum what you should do about [insert crazy issue here]

    3. people think EVERYONE should be THRILLED about their pregnancy.  Just doesn't happen.  

     4. Some folks thrive off drama, they intentionally post stupid s*** just to be annoying or whine.  Its annoying.

    5. and I think this one is most of it.  People get on asking others OPINIONS and when they read something they don't agree with or it was the answer they wanted, they get all defensive and bent out of shape.  

     On a happier rainbow and puppy note, I wish you the best of luck in your pregnancy :D  ha! 

     

    This!!  I am pretty new to TB as I am a FTM.  I do notice some of the snarky comments but it is mainly because of the things listed above!! I know in the time I have been here I have seen countless posts about the same thing!!  So I can understand that ladies who have been here longer get more catty after reading the same posts.  I have not received any direct snarky comments but if I did I would choose not to take them personally.  Everyone has an opinion and on a public board all of those opinions are expressed. Hang in there and GL!

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    ACOOKACOOK member
    I have been on here for years and I still get those types of responses. The ladies on TTGP were the worst. I am in the same boat as you. I never meant to offend anyone nor have I purposely wanted to make my life seen so much more wonderful than others. I found that we are in this little world with lots of ladies who, we can all admit to, have lots of opinions. I just look at the good and glance at the bad. So you can count me as one of your bumpy friends and not have to worry about any rudeness or mean comments. Although, I can be a smart ass at times :0)
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    imageNayna1mom:

    I don't post a whole lot, especially haven't on here in a while.  I mostly lurk around and post very few on other boards.  BUT I have a question and I'm seriously not trying to start a war on here but why is it that everyone is so darn snappy towards others and especially new people who come on?   Everyone was new once.  I feel like I can't even post anymore because of the negative comments that come back AND I by no means expect everything to be "puppies and rainbows", so please spare me that line.  I can take advice or an honest opinion but not a rude, hurtful one.  I have been called names on here and also told I sounded uneducated because I used the word "ain't".  Where I'm from, ain't and y'all are words but that's besides the point.  

    I would love to be able to post, make friends and get to know others but when people are going to be intentionally rude, why would anyone want to?  Does anyone else feel this way or am I basically going to get chewed out for this post too?  

    Thanks :) 

     

    Edit:  I meant to add that I wasn't referring to this board.. 

    Honestly, how many times are you going to post this?  This is at least the third or fourth post like this from you that I have seen.  I can't imagine anyone is standing next to you with a gun to your head forcing you to spend time here.   

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    imageAri1028:

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    How many times are you going to say TB is nothing but a bunch of meanie heads before you realize you're not going to change the way it is? It's a public message board meaning people are going to say whatever they want. If you don't like it either grow thicker skin or click the little red x at the top right corner of your screen. Problem solved. It's kind of sad if the meanies on the internet affect your life enough to post this.

    Oh, and the ladies here aren't rude to new people. I'm still new and no one has said anything to me I considered rude or hurtful. If you come on here saying stupid sh*t, people are going to give you their honest opinion.

     

     

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    I understand where you're coming from. For the most part, I have gotten really helpful responses and advice. BUT anytime you get a group of women together, you are going to have your drama queens and b*tchy snarky comments. There's no telling what some of these people are dealing with so they're probably just taking it out on others. If somebody posts something that I disagree with or think is ridiculous, I just roll my eyes and move on. I was raised where "y'all" and "ain't" are words and also where they teach manners so I don't feel the need just going around starting sh*t. But I was also raised to defend myself (intelligently) so I'm not just going to let someone get away with saying just anything to me. You just have to pick your battles. Most of the time, you should probably just let it roll off your back. If it upsets you that much, maybe taking a break from the boards would be helpful. Otherwise, just take the positive comments you get and ignore the others.
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    Sorry to say, but the rude, snarky drama is very common on most boards on TB.  There are women who spend a lot of time knowing everything and telling everyone how much they know.  If you call them out, you'll get "big girl panties" and "puppies and rainbows" and "public message board" comments.  I have seen the same line written over and over.  It's all they've got!

    My advice is to avoid the snark and nastiness.  You'll get to know the screen names who know everything and are typically rude in their responses.  If you see them, don't post.  Ignore it.  Use the boards for what they're meant to be (informational, educational, experience sharing).  Reserve establishing friendships, connections, and support for real life.

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    imageSookieFrackhouse68:
    imagebvandalsen:
    imageSprite2012:

    Sorry to say, but the rude, snarky drama is very common on most boards on TB.  There are women who spend a lot of time knowing everything and telling everyone how much they know.  If you call them out, you'll get "big girl panties" and "puppies and rainbows" and "public message board" comments.  I have seen the same line written over and over.  It's all they've got!

    My advice is to avoid the snark and nastiness.  You'll get to know the screen names who know everything and are typically rude in their responses.  If you see them, don't post.  Ignore it.  Use the boards for what they're meant to be (informational, educational, experience sharing).  Reserve establishing friendships, connections, and support for real life.

    There are people on here that get a kick out of being snarky and others that egg them on. They feed off each other. Everyone asks a stupid question or makes a comment that could be better phrased at one point, it's ok! Makes you wonder how they teach their children to treat others.

    I'm sorry, have you seen how often this particular poster has posted this same sentiment?

    I'm rather impressed this hasn't blown up more than it has.

    I haven't either.  Maybe she doesn't want to accept it for what it is, or she hopes she'll get a different response on a different board.  She'll do what she'll do. 

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    imageSprite2012:

    My advice is to avoid the snark and nastiness.  You'll get to know the screen names who know everything and are typically rude in their responses.  If you see them, don't post.  Ignore it.  Use the boards for what they're meant to be (informational, educational, experience sharing).  Reserve establishing friendships, connections, and support for real life.

     Great advice!

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    imageSookieFrackhouse68:

    Nah, you're good. I rarely post here, and I only know who this poster is because of her beautiful kids in her siggy.

    This is old hat for her. I blinked a little in wonderment, but I kept my reply nice, as per her request. :)

    I agree, her kids in her siggy are beautiful. 

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    imageMandJS:
    imageSprite2012:
    imageSookieFrackhouse68:

    Nah, you're good. I rarely post here, and I only know who this poster is because of her beautiful kids in her siggy.

    This is old hat for her. I blinked a little in wonderment, but I kept my reply nice, as per her request. :)

    I agree, her kids in her siggy are beautiful. 

    True story, to all of this. It's old hat, and also the kids are gorgeous. 

    It's the only reason I even recognize this poster.  I love the pics of her kids. 

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    It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way!  Thanks everyone!   :)

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    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

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    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!


     

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    imageSprite2012:

    Sorry to say, but the rude, snarky drama is very common on most boards on TB.  There are women who spend a lot of time knowing everything and telling everyone how much they know.  If you call them out, you'll get "big girl panties" and "puppies and rainbows" and "public message board" comments.  I have seen the same line written over and over.  It's all they've got!

    My advice is to avoid the snark and nastiness.  You'll get to know the screen names who know everything and are typically rude in their responses.  If you see them, don't post.  Ignore it.  Use the boards for what they're meant to be (informational, educational, experience sharing).  Reserve establishing friendships, connections, and support for real life.

    Really? I've created some amazing IRL frienships with women that I met initially online and I'm in the process of creating more with some of the women I've met here - I count myself truly blessed because of them. This period in our lives is a great time to create friendships with women who are going through the same thing we are at the same time; TB makes for a convenient way to meet them, if you fit in with the community culture that's been established here for years. Don't knock it and the friendships that it can support just because it's not what you may have expected.

    Please pardon any typos -- I'm typically bumping from my phone
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    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!

     

    You'd think after 4 kids and 5 pregnancies, you would have a little more to contribute than complaining about how mean everyone is.   

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    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!


     

     

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    imageQuintonsMummah:
    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!


     

     

    imageimage" src="image">

     

     Hilarious!     I'm very honest and can play your little game, just as well, if not better.  BUT I'm no "internet gangster", such as yourself.  I teach my kids to treat others like you would want to be treated, apparently, this doesn't apply to some.  This is faceless, so suuure you're going to be the way you are and you will have many followers, I prefer to lead.   Completely understandable.  Thanks a lot though, have a great day!

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    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:
    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!


     

     

    imageimage" src="image">

     

     Hilarious!     I'm very honest and can play your little game, just as well, if not better.  BUT I'm no "internet gangster", such as yourself.  I teach my kids to treat others like you would want to be treated, apparently, this doesn't apply to some.  This is faceless, so suuure you're going to be the way you are and you will have many followers, I prefer to lead.   Completely understandable.  Thanks a lot though, have a great day!

     

    You're so lovely! I want to be just like you when I grow up :) 

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    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:
    imageNayna1mom:
    imageQuintonsMummah:

    You will have a tough time going through life, never mind a website without BGPs....everyone owns them too, just depends if you actually have the guts to wear them outside of your superhero outfit

     

     

     image

     

    -Wonka is great!


     

     

    imageimage" mce_src="image" align="top">

     

     Hilarious!     I'm very honest and can play your little game, just as well, if not better.  BUT I'm no "internet gangster", such as yourself.  I teach my kids to treat others like you would want to be treated, apparently, this doesn't apply to some.  This is faceless, so suuure you're going to be the way you are and you will have many followers, I prefer to lead.   Completely understandable.  Thanks a lot though, have a great day!

    emmmmm...

    you have  to be a gangsta to play the game. 

     

     

    sorry.

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    This is a negative trait for many message forums, pregnancy related or not. I've seen it happen in some of the strangest places. And, I think it may have something to do with the cloak of the internet itself. People feel more comfortable being negative or aggressive toward others online because they're safely tucked away behind a computer screen where these people can never physically encounter them. Usually. Even at that, this is a small world. I've had people straight out attack me online, only to discover that they're no more than a 45 minute drive away from my location. They assume they'll never cross my path, but it then turned out they probably had passed me on the street somewhere at some point in time. Still...

    Sometimes, too, things are read incorrectly because you can't use pitch and tone online in type. You may type something that was not meant to be offensive at all, but because the other person reading it can't tell what your tone of voice was supposed to be, they may interpret it incorrectly. However, I don't much care for that excuse, because I don't think it's right to be hostile toward someone else, even if you perceive they were being hostile first. Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say.

    I have had a LOT of experience with this sort of thing in my many, many years on the internet. My only suggestion, really, is that if someone is being negative to you, and you feel you must respond to them, do so as politely as you can. If they were being mean on purpose, they'll get worse, and then they can be reported, but if they didn't intend to be mean, it'll show through in any further responses from them. Generally, I ignore hateful, snappy, and negative people and focus as much as I can on the nice, happy, positive folks. :)

    And as a born and raised South Mississippian (though I left my Southern home for Minnesota 5 years ago now), I say you go right on and say "aint" and "y'all" as much as you please! If somebody doesn't like it, then they can just huff and puff and deal with it. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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    imageCatnipTrinket:

    This is a negative trait for many message forums, pregnancy related or not. I've seen it happen in some of the strangest places. And, I think it may have something to do with the cloak of the internet itself. People feel more comfortable being negative or aggressive toward others online because they're safely tucked away behind a computer screen where these people can never physically encounter them. Usually. Even at that, this is a small world. I've had people straight out attack me online, only to discover that they're no more than a 45 minute drive away from my location. They assume they'll never cross my path, but it then turned out they probably had passed me on the street somewhere at some point in time. Still...

    Sometimes, too, things are read incorrectly because you can't use pitch and tone online in type. You may type something that was not meant to be offensive at all, but because the other person reading it can't tell what your tone of voice was supposed to be, they may interpret it incorrectly. However, I don't much care for that excuse, because I don't think it's right to be hostile toward someone else, even if you perceive they were being hostile first. Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say.

    I have had a LOT of experience with this sort of thing in my many, many years on the internet. My only suggestion, really, is that if someone is being negative to you, and you feel you must respond to them, do so as politely as you can. If they were being mean on purpose, they'll get worse, and then they can be reported, but if they didn't intend to be mean, it'll show through in any further responses from them. Generally, I ignore hateful, snappy, and negative people and focus as much as I can on the nice, happy, positive folks. :)

    And as a born and raised South Mississippian (though I left my Southern home for Minnesota 5 years ago now), I say you go right on and say "aint" and "y'all" as much as you please! If somebody doesn't like it, then they can just huff and puff and deal with it. 

    tl:dr.

     

    Ain't is not a word.

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