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Beyond Frustrated! Help....

boymomstrongboymomstrong member
in Pregnant after IF

So my bff is having trouble getting pregnant, nothing new to the lot of us, well I am sure her doctor is a crack pot! She has several issues she is trying to overcome including Endo (both tubes open), and a lazy ovary. She may also be PCOS but her doc said as long as she is making 14 or fewer cysts every month she is not PCOS. (she has been making 14 that he can count) Well she is very well aware of my struggles to get pregnant and the 5 year journey I have been on. So when she found out she was having trouble she came to me right away to talk to for support, and to be able to ask her questions to. I don?t mind this at all. However my biggest pet peeve is people asking my advice or opinion when they have no intention of taking or considering it?

 

So She has started Clomid, and her doctor tells her he wants her to take 50mg a month for 3-6 months and he will see her back after that has failed. No monitoring, no blood work, no ultrasounds, even though she develops cysts, and has had to have one removed surgically. He wants her to take an OPK every day on her second pee of the day, and then  pregnancy test if she is more than a week late on her cycle. If that?s negative, then she can begin her next cycle once she gets her period.

 

She asked me about what I did, to compare, I let her know there should be a ton of monitoring going on, and not just a 6 month Rx for CLOMID given out to a patient who has no idea what happening or what to expect. I told her she should talk to her doc, and get some facts straight or switch to another physician that will WORK with her, and make this happen. I let her know that as hard as it seems now, it?s going to be even harder if you spend the next 6 months trying a medication and then finding out it never worked, so you never had a shot of getting pregnant. Well she tells me she is going to do as her doctor instructed, and she just needs me to be more supportive. That I should understand how frustrating this is, and support better.

 

I have no clue what to do, it?s hard to support crazy, and I KNOW there is more that she could be doing. And if this is something she really wants then why would you not take the advice of a ?Veteran? and ask a few more questions? Why just blow me off? I am lost for what to do, and I feel like she is asking the same things over and over, and it?s like banging my head against a brick wall!

 

Advice????


Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!

Baby Dust To All!!!

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Re: Beyond Frustrated! Help....

  • April+April+
    She probably asked you about it just to be able to talk about what she is going through. I would be just as frustrated if I had a friend do the same thing to me. I would figure that since I have experienced YEARS of IF I would be the best person to ask when it comes to treatment. However, it seems like she hasn't been through IF long enough to know better than the take the advice of the first dr that she talks to. We all know that there are REs that are good at their job and others that are not and she is going to have to realize this on her own if she is unwilling to take your advice. I am sure after a few months on clomid with no success she will start getting anxious and looking to you for "real" advice. In the meantime I would suggest just being there for her to talk and let her learn the ups and downs of IF on her own. 
    Photobucket TTC since 1999. Unexplained Infertility. IUI#1 Oct. 12/11 - BFN IUI#2 - Nov 8 - Failed
    IUI#3 - Jan 6 IVF#1 -5/18 - stims start (225 gonal f, 75 menopur, 5 lupron) ER 5/29 - 14R, 11M, 7F. 6/1 - Transferred 2 8cell embryos (grade 1 and 2). 8dp3dt +HPT, Beta#1 - 92, Beta #2 - 174, Beta#3 - 614, Beta#4 - 2010. 6wk u/s - TWINS! Baby A 114bpm, Baby B 112 bpm Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Faith722Faith722 member
    Wow, that's a tough situation. I think I would try to calmly talk to her just once more. Let her know that you're concerned b/c you care and you've seen others go down this path with disatrous results. Rec that she get a second opinion with someone who actually has IF experience. That's really all you can do. If she doesn't listen, it's ultimately her problem not yours. At that point I would try to be supportive and encouraging, but avoid talking about specifics.
    IVF #3 = Feb 2012
    beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
    EDD 11/25/12
    **SAIFW** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • TJ1979TJ1979 member
    I would show her a copy of one single post on 3T where someone says they're using Clomid unmonitored and let her see the worried responses of every single girl on there.  Clomid unmonitored is dangerous.  It's not that you're not being supportive, it's that you are worried about her and her health.  Maybe if you use that as your point, she will understand.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
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  • drubiedrubie
    Might also want to explain the difference between an OB prescribing clomid unmonitored (I'm assuming this is her situation) and an RE working with her to create the best plan for her. I can only imagine that this exact situation (PCOS with unmonitored clomid cycles) is how most folks with higher order multiples conceived. Not a good idea and scary for her health (emphasize that you're really just concerned for her health).
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  • boymomstrongboymomstrong member

    Thank you ladies for your responses. I appreciate all the help. It?s good to know I am not alone in my concern, and yes she is seeing an OB with a specialty in IF, but not an RE.

    I will try talking to her about it again, and then I will work on the emotional support without advice part. Its just so hard to see her struggle when she does not need to work THIS hard, and to be on a medication that can harm her is also hard for me to see...

    Your all amazing! Thank you again!

     


    Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
    All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!

    Baby Dust To All!!!

    Report Reply
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