lost

samjoan11 · June 2012

Im not really sure where to begin. My boyfriend and i havent been together long before i got pregnant the first time. i lost the baby then we found out i was expectign again we were very happy and excited now i have a threatned miscarriage and my levels are dropping yet the babys heart beat is so high. i go on monday to get more blood work done then on tuesday i have an ultra sound done. the problem is my boyfriend hates me and tells me it all the time. he hits me and called me a baby killer today and called me a stupid ***. i feel hurt deeply i already feel like its my fault that i lost the baby but being called that kills me. i loved that baby and i love this one more than anything idk what to do anymore. i feel like i cant leave.

goofyteacher · June 2012

You should leave and stop trying to have children with someone you have not known long but that has in that short time been abusive.

akating · June 2012

goofyteacher:
You should leave and stop trying to have children with someone you have not known long but that has in that short time been abusive.

This. Get a restraining order and leave. Why would you stay with and continue to have kids with a person who abuses you physically and mentally?

samjoan11 · June 2012

i quit my job because he didnt want me working during this pregnancy he pays all my bills. my family doesnt talk to me anymore because they hate him and now they dont want anything to do with me. i feel alone and ik some of you are going to think im stupid for staying but its hard to leave when u have nothing and no one to go to.

morethancottoncandy · June 2012

samjoan11:
i quit my job because he didnt want me working during this pregnancy he pays all my bills. my family doesnt talk to me anymore because they hate him and now they dont want anything to do with me. i feel alone and ik some of you are going to think im stupid for staying but its hard to leave when u have nothing and no one to go to.

I think you should try contacting your family. Call your parents when he is not around and tell them you need help. If they are unwilling, call a friend. You need to get away from this abusive man.

samjoan11 · June 2012

ik you guys think im stupid but its hard to leave expecially with me going through this right now i might be losing my baby and he acts like this

morethancottoncandy · June 2012

samjoan11:
ik you guys think im stupid but its hard to leave expecially with me going through this right now i might be losing my baby and he acts like this

No one here has said you are stupid. You are being shown genuine concern. Take the advice you have been given. Leave the room. Call your parents and ask them to come get you if you don't have transportation or get in your car and drive away.

goofyteacher · June 2012

samjoan11:
ik you guys think im stupid but its hard to leave expecially with me going through this right now i might be losing my baby and he acts like this

Evidently you don't really want help. If you did, you would get the F*** out of this situation. I get that you feel stuck, but I'm just guessing your family might be understanding if you tried them. There are also shelters and things that take in battered women. He is showing tell tale signs of being a controlling abuser.

brittneygirl · June 2012

Get out of your situation...Now....Call your family. Why would you want to put your child through the abuse he is putting you through? It sounds like you are just using him.. Just swallow any pride, admit you were wrong for being with this jerk, and let your family help you.. And if you don't want to hear any of this we are telling you, than you really dont want help..

spikeinc · June 2012

If you think the way he is treating you now is bad, it will only get worse. That is what abusers do.

Your family had to detach from you because they probably saw the signs of his behavior before you did. If you call them, they very likely will come and get you. Get yourself to some therapy and DO NOT GO BACK! You and your baby deserve much more than this horrible treatment. As pp.'s have said, there are many shelter's that will take you in as well if your family doesn't respond right away. If they don't respond right away, they might be waiting to see if you really plan on leaving him for good, before they act. Please help yourself and your baby. You are not what he says you are and there are many reasons that babies don't always happen. Take care of yourself first! You deserve a good life!

Please read this: https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Abusive_Men_Top_10_Signs_of_an_Abusive_Man.html

samjoan11 · June 2012

thank you guys for talking to me. i called my family and they told me to help myself. i feel at the end of my rope with all of this.

cwm11985 · June 2012

samjoan11:
thank you guys for talking to me. i called my family and they told me to help myself. i feel at the end of my rope with all of this.

Ok, where are your friends? If you don't have any then you need to hope in your car (or call a cab) and get the hell out of there. Go to a hotel for the night (go to an ATM and get cash out so your boyfriend can't trace which hotel you're in). You have options, get off of thebump and get going girl.

goofyteacher · June 2012

samjoan11:
thank you guys for talking to me. i called my family and they told me to help myself. i feel at the end of my rope with all of this.

Then contact the shelter. I'm guessing your family wants to know you are serious about leaving him, unless you've done some awful things to them recently I would think they would come around once they know for sure.

spikeinc · June 2012

Your family will come around eventually but they seem to need time. They are right. You do need to help yourself! You can do it! Google some local women's shelter! Get out while you can! You deserve more! You have the strength to do this on your own!

morethancottoncandy · June 2012

cwm11985:
samjoan11:
thank you guys for talking to me. i called my family and they told me to help myself. i feel at the end of my rope with all of this.

Ok, where are your friends? If you don't have any then you need to hope in your car (or call a cab) and get the hell out of there. Go to a hotel for the night (go to an ATM and get cash out so your boyfriend can't trace which hotel you're in). You have options, get off of thebump and get going girl.

This. Especially if he's hit you. I would call the cops. If they don't arrest him, they might make him leave at least for 24 hours and give you a chance to get your crap together and get out.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Leave. Just pack your stuff, and get out. Abuse only continues if you let it. I'm saying this as someone who has been in that situation. You do NOT need everything figured out first. Just get out.

jobiann · June 2012

You need to leave...if you stay you are saying his behavior is acceptable. For your sake find a shelter or beg your family and get out!

mishka29 · June 2012

I'm sure it's hard when you feel like you have no where and no one to turn to but in this situation you have to take care of yourself and your baby. Remember the strong heartbeat and if you won't do it for yourself then do it for your baby. This is not somone you should be with nor be pregnant around. Get out of there.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · June 2012

You need to get away from your BF, no one deserves to get hit for anything, nevermind someone that has experienced/is experiencing a miscarriage.

There is no reason you can't leave, you should not feel like you have to stay.

Get away from him. Now.

Oh, and none of this is your fault, don't ever blame yourself.

SockMonkeySam · June 2012

I am praying this is MUD...

But if it's not get the F out. No one deserves to be hit. Hit back.. if you stay (which I don't recommend) but your making so many excuses.. you might as well fight back.

spikeinc · June 2012

SockMonkeySam:
I am praying this is MUD...

But if it's not get the F out. No one deserves to be hit. Hit back.. if you stay (which I don't recommend) but your making so many excuses.. you might as well fight back.

I really hope you aren't serious with the advice to hit an abuser back. Violence should never beget violence. Not only that but this could also make her situation worse.

Please ignore this advice op. Just get out of the situation and keep yourself safe.

cwm11985 · June 2012

spikeinc:
SockMonkeySam:
I am praying this is MUD...
But if it's not get the F out. No one deserves to be hit. Hit back.. if you stay (which I don't recommend) but your making so many excuses.. you might as well fight back.

I really hope you aren't serious with the advice to hit an abuser back. Violence should never beget violence. Not only that but this could also make her situation worse.
Please ignore this advice op. Just get out of the situation and keep yourself safe.

Ditto. OP, do NOT hit him back; that will agitate him more and could result in him doing something much worse than hitting you. I'm assuming since you haven't been back that you have left? Hopefully...

goofyteacher · June 2012

cwm11985:
spikeinc:
SockMonkeySam:
I am praying this is MUD...
But if it's not get the F out. No one deserves to be hit. Hit back.. if you stay (which I don't recommend) but your making so many excuses.. you might as well fight back.

I really hope you aren't serious with the advice to hit an abuser back. Violence should never beget violence. Not only that but this could also make her situation worse.
Please ignore this advice op. Just get out of the situation and keep yourself safe.
Ditto. OP, do NOT hit him back; that will agitate him more and could result in him doing something much worse than hitting you. I'm assuming since you haven't been back that you have left? Hopefully...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's saying that if you chose to stay it's only going to get worse (like if she fought back).

FreyaWin2382 · June 2012

You need to use your computer to call a domestic violence helpline in your area. They can connect you with people to help you.

You need to get out of this situation and drop that a$$hole.

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