Bittersweet Feelings-EDD

jillychris · June 2012

As I sit here with my little girl kicking and wiggling away, I know how incredibly blessed I am to be at this point in my pregnancy. But, with my EDD from my first pg tomorrow, I can't help but be a bit sad. I wonder if that baby was a boy or a girl...would he be stubborn like me or would she have MH's sense of humor. It's hard to not think about the what-if's.

Also hard because MH doesn't understand why I am feeling sad about it. His response was "do you want me to forever walk around in a gray cloud b/c we had a m/c." I guess guys just process things differently.

I'll be okay. We are starting our registry this weekend for our little girl, and I am definitely excited about that...just have a little sadness in the background, I guess.

4legsRbest · June 2012

I am so sorry you are feeling blue and your DH doesn't know what to say to make you feel better. My LO will forever be in my heart and on my mind too - I keep thinking how this one should have a big brother or sister even though I know this LO wouldn't be here if not for my loss - ugh, this is so hard.

You will be in my t&ps today and tomorrow and huge (((hugs)))!

Ruthie04 · June 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and the feelings of sadness during this time. We are coming up on what should have been our LO's first birthday and I have such mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I know we would not be expecting our two boys had we not lost our first baby. But, I know I will still torture myself while looking at pics of all of my friends babies that were born last July.

No matter how many children we have, I have no doubt that I will always remember our first LO. I think it is completely acceptable to grieve the baby you never knew. And, while I can say going through an EDD while still TTC is horrific, going through it pregnant is sad too. If only because you now know how much you can love the baby inside of you and you wish you had had the chance the share that love with the lost baby. Sending lots of hugs your way!

pb_bride · June 2012

Sending you {{hugs}}. Have fun registering!

naybird · June 2012

Big hugs. It's completely normal to grieve. It's a loss. After my miscarriages my therapist told me I needed to do something on the EDD to give myself closure. Her suggestions were not my style, writing a poem and reading it outloud, etc. I decided to get a small tattoo to remember the babies.

I got 2 simple stars on my ankle, so I can feel like they are always with me. It gave me the closure I needed to move on, but the babies would never be forgotten either. My therapist saw a huge, positive difference in me afterwards.

So if you think it will help, find something to give yourself closure.

Take care, and big hugs!

angela2004 · June 2012

((hugs))

Mrs.AmyDylan · June 2012

((((hugs))))

Beckla74 · June 2012

I think it's actually really touching and healthy that you have those thoughts. If you're like me, we became, from the moment we see that flicker of a heartbeat, -moms-... and that's some powerful stuff.

I realize it's likely controversial to share (though I have here before) and I hope you don't take offense, but I did S/R in this pregnancy and reduced from 3 to 2. I still think about that other LO on a nearly daily basis with the same wonder and questions. And then, like you, I remember and focus on the beautiful things to come and dive in head first to enjoy every second of what's happening. Hugs.

TJ1979 · June 2012

I understand how you feel. My cousin and I had been due 10 days apart, so when her little boy was born, it was a little bittersweet for me, and my first EDD a few days later was emotional. I like naybird's idea to remember those we have lost but will never forget. I have been considering doing the same. Big hugs to you for this emotional and difficult time. Have fun registering.

jillychris · June 2012

Thanks ladies. I appreciate all of your kind words. I treated myself to a new haircut yesterday and then DH and I spent the afternoon doing research on baby items. We went out to BRU to register today, and then lunch at our favorite Mexican food place.

jessican08 · June 2012

((BIG HUGS))

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