Am I an evil stepmom?

chichiwala3 · June 2012

So DH and I have had custody of SD(10) and SS(7) since last summer. As of january I am a SAHM because my pay was less than daycare for kids. So we just made it through our first week of summer vaca and I'm BEAT! I'm 37 weeks pregnant and my stepkids are extreamly needy. I've taken them everywhere this week and kept them busy 24/7 until DH comes home frm work and by then I'm practically in tears I'm so tired and in so much pain. I really wish they were raised knowing that the world does not revolve around them, but, when I try and change that and ask for an hour of down time they get miserable and make me feel so guilty(I know, my own fault for feeling guilty). So I brought up with DH that maybe summer camp 2 or 3 days a week would be good for both them and me. It will keep them occupied and having fun with friends while I get in some rest. That wy, on the other days I can have the energy to take them places. It will also be good once the baby comes and I can't get out of the house so they can still have social lives. Thing is, DH looked at me like I was asking to have their limbs removed or something. Is summer camp really looked at as "sending kids away" still? I love my stepkids to death and feel this will truly be beneficial to them (and yes, myself also). I will admit, this wouldn't even be coming up if I didn't have this giant watermelon strapped to me but I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy and just can't keep up anymore. So WDYT, am I being an evil stepmom by thinking camp is a good idea?

xmaryrickx · June 2012

You are not asking to Pack them up and send them to sleep away camp for six weeks. It's a completely reasonable solution to the problem. I don't see what the issue is, though it might be hard to find camps with openings this late.

Kaeldrasmommy · June 2012

I think it sounds like a great idea. You are going to need some downtime. And some time with the baby. They should also be able to spend some time entertaining themselves. You didn't say if your DH said anything, but if all he did was look at you like you're horrible, then he's being insenstive and needs a reality check.

Ginlyn0 · June 2012

Is your DH's issue really that you want to send them or that it will cost you nearly as much for summer camp as daycare? If it's the later than I can understand that since you said you became a SAHM to take care of them since you couldn't afford daycare.

If it's really that he thinks they need to be with you, then that's dumb. If you can afford to send them to camp a few times a week, than that would be great for them.

That being said, I still think you could teach them how to spend time in other ways so you don't feel like you need to entertain them 24/7. I had all 4 of our big kids at home with me the entire month after DS was born. I did not spend my time entertaining them that is for sure. My DD has always been taught how to spend time around the house when I cannot entertain her (read, play in the back yard, draw, play in her room, ect.) We had to teach my SKs. If nobody ever teaches them, they will never learn.

CurlyQ284 · June 2012

Did he realize you meant day camp and not sleepaway camp? No daycamp is not terrible. Thats where my SDs go during the summer because we both work. They learn lots of new things, burn off energy, play etc. Even when they are old enough to stay home, I still want them to go at least a little. They need something productive to do.

Saran · June 2012

I had the same issue. BM/DH had their lips out cause I told them I couldn't all the kids all week this summer and that BM had to take her days back and get a sitter. I'm amost 37 weeks as well and by mid day, I am so tired and my body hurts so bad.

I sat my sk's (10) down and told them that the days that they are here, I expect them to entertain themselves, clean up after themselves, fix their own lunch, walk the dog and help me around the house. I let them know that it's a tough summer for all of us with the baby coming and we all have to work together to get thru it. Even my almost 5 year olds fix their own cereal inn the morning and get my 2 year olds cereal for her as well. If they can do that, then your sk's can do somethings around there for themselves.

It doesn't make you a bad SM, period! It makes you a good one cause it teaches the kids to lern how to do stuff for themselves. What you dont want is to overdo it and baby comes earlier. Take care of yourself and tell all the kids to get their butts in gear and help out.

fellesferie · June 2012

I'm a SAHM, and I do not see it as my job to entertain my kids 24/7. During the day, we play, we go to swim practice, we clean up, etc. I am not a one-woman circus meant for their entertainment.

DS does a few weeks of day camp every summer. He gets to see his friends, do something fun, get out of the house. Most of the options around here are $200+/week, and I can assure you that I see it as a treat for him rather than me getting rid of him.

As long as it's not a financial concern, I think YH is being unfair. I mean, MH is a good dad, but if he was home with the kids all summer, you can bet your azz they would be in any camp he could find.

Ilumine · June 2012

Then I am an evil Biological Mom, because I specifically sent my DD to a two-day a week "enrichment" program because I needed free time (seriously people, my DD gets up at NO LATER THAN 5:30 every effing moring!!!!!)

mschocokitty · June 2012

You are a saint for even thinking it is your job to entertain the kids 24/7. My SD11 realizes the whole world isn't there for her entertainment. She is an only child in our house right now, but has access to a computer, video games, tv, movies, crafts, books, dolls, pets, etc that don't need me or DH to run when we have work to do or are simply tired. If she had siblings close in age, she would be even more entertained. This week was her "lazy" week and next week is her camp week. Did I feel one shred of guilt? Absolutely not! Kids need a variety of activities with same-age peers. Unless you are seriously financially strapped, day camp is an awesome solution. We found a great one through the parks department, but the YMCA also has reasonable programs.

chichiwala3 · June 2012

Thank you guys so much for all your responses...I really needed a little reassurance on this one. DH is total old school where he thinks it's a wife's job to stay home with the kids (we are working on this

) and it's not a matter of finances as I found a nine week camp through our towns rec dept thats only 25% of one week of DH pay so a def score there. I feel much more confident with having them go after hearing that I'm not alone with needing a little downtime. DH is just going to have to suck it up and realize that it is perfectly normal for kids to go to camp. Now, hopefully, he will back me up if the kiddos aren't thrilled with the idea.

TheBuddha · June 2012

I'm confused about why you are running yourself ragged entertaining two kids who can and need to learn to entertain themselves. My SS9 lives with us and I don't entertain him. He also does a three week camp every summer... He doesn't love it but he knows it is non-negotiable.

ETA: The three week camp is not a sleep away camp. It is from 9am-3:30pm Mon-Fri.

SueBear · June 2012

You are pregnant you need your rest!

Don't feel guilty about sending the kids to day camp.

Kaeldrasmommy · June 2012

Wow, after reading all the answers from moms who send the kids to camp every summer, I'm feeling insane for just telling them to keep out of my hair in the mornings so I can do what I need to do.

acardona1010 · June 2012

I agree with everyone else! When my SKids are here, my job is not to entertain them. The 2 youngest ones are really great about entertaining themselves. The oldest one is 12 so she just kinda hangs around me and helps me out. She always asks what we're doing the weekend they come to us and I tell her 'Nothing. We're not doing anything or spending any money". This way when I do decide to take them to eat somewhere or swimming, it's special. They aren't expecting to do something so it's a surprise to them.

socloudy99 · June 2012

As much as I agree with the PPers that you should take the break I am still confused about your Hs problem. I LOVED camp at that age. I begged my mom and dad (divorced) for day camp and sleep away camp (one week at a time for three seperate weeks). I still have friends from those camps at 32 years old. It was a great time for me. This is no way shape or form a "punishment" for the kids. They will have a great time, learn new things, and make new friends. This will be just as good for them as you!

dmndsr4eva · June 2012

I think sending the kids to day camp a few days a week is perfectly fine. If they were a little older and more self suffient it probably wouldn't be necessary. But you are not going to have time to entertain them all day when the baby comes. Your H needs to get onboard real quick. I wish you guys had made this wonderful decesion before summer started. Good luck!

Having a baby is a ton of work and stress (but worth it). You need to sit your H down and let him know that you all need to find a balance soon before something gives. You both need to be on the same page with including the SK's and getting them on board with being little helpers. They are to the age where they should be having chores and helping out around the house.

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