Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Ways to pay for adoption? Anyone withdraw 401k?
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
Good advice and I agree don't withdraw from your 401K. A loan from it yes, but to withdraw with penalties is only hurting you and your family in the long run. PP mentioned home equity loan if that is possible also a better option. GL
thanks for the idea! I was just of the frame of mind to have the money free and clear vs having another debt. lol Silly, I know. These are my old work 401ks so I wonder how they deduct them if I take a loan against them. We did check on DHs 457 (same as 401k) and it was crazy insane how they wanted to make sure it was an emergency and that we would have to show proof that we couldnt get a loan somewhere else or use credit cards (which we could). I was shocked.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
I am a stay at home mom so I dont have a current employer. These old 401ks are from my previous days as a career woman.
I wonder if I can still roll them into an IRA and withdraw?
I see you are from CA too. We are as well. May I ask what agency you adopted through? Im researching all of these different ones and my eyes are crossed.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
Im trying to think of some ways to pay for adoption because it is pretty expensive plus I want to be prepared for any unexpected expenses. Right now, I am being told expect $25k total (infant domestic).
That is on the average end of what I'm seeing. I know it can be upwards of 35-40, if you include in birth mom expenses or traveling to another state (hotel, last minute flights, etc). I've also seen where the kiddo had an unexpected health issue and adoptive parents had to front money to pay for supplies to make it home. If you are wanting to be prepared for unexpected expenses I'd raise that cost a little.
We would take what we have towards IVF and use for adoption. I also have some old 401ks that I could withdraw but of course get the 35% (basically) penalty.
I would not draw from your 401k. Not only is the penalty not worth it, but remember - your 401k is there for your retirement, not as a glorified savings plan. You COULD take a loan, but I wouldn't touch it, if you have other options.
Ive seen some grants available.
That's neat!
Ive also contacted our local foster-adopt agency and OMG it was the worst conversation. The lady had no clue what she was talking about or how things worked. So disappointing.
Foster and adoptive agencies are mainly there for adopting children from the foster care system. It's a whole different mentality an infant adoptions. And the expenses, are much different. I'm not sure which one you are leaning towards...
Also, most of the time, the person you get when you call in, is a receptionist or someone covering the phones. If you are wanting to foster to adopt, I might recommend setting up the social worker appointment and asking the social worker in person. That might help get some questions clarified.
Ive read somewhere that maybe we should try contacting other local county agencies as well, as we are not set on infant adoption (prefer up to age 2)
I'm not sure if your state is like ours, but 2 years ago, they passed a law that stated that kinship placements were PREFERRED over foster placements. With that said the number of infant to 6/7 year old adoptions from a non-kinship family went down SIGNIFICANTLY. So, the reality is that the counties are not doing foster to adopt with young children. Typically they are placed with bio parents, kinship families and lastly the foster family...which again is becoming more and more rare.
I was just curious how others pay for adoption and if there is something I may be overlooking? TIA!
Paying for adoption that i've seen...
Saving,second mortgage, trivia nights, etsy fundraiser, second jobs, church fundraisers...
Good luck!