disciplining a 13 month old

Mrs.EMS · June 2012

i could use a few tips on teaching my 13 month old not to touch the tv and other things she is not allowed to touch.... she understands that it is bad but continues to do it. I know its just to get attention and testing her boundries. I say NO or STOP in a firm voice and redirect her to a toy or something else in the room. She yells and sometimes runs back to the tv. If it persists we leave the room... I am consistant and firm each time but i feel like it is not working. any thoughts

momofmanyinthemitten · June 2012

Check out the book Positive Discipline: The First Three Years. It's the best book about parenting that I've read. We had to put a table in front of the TV so LO couldn't reach it. Not classy, but it works. It's all about childproofing. It's a toddler's nature to explore everything. Plus, they don't really understand "no" yet.

hopecounts · June 2012

I agree with the above post at 13 months you don't want to use negative discipline.

When DD was that age and touching everything I'd say "no touch" and would redirect her to an appropriate toy, read a story, etc. It took weeks of this but eventually she got it and stopped touching the tv.

At 13 months they are trying to figure things out and explore set the rules be consistent with redirection, etc. but I wouldn't "discipline" at this age.

We introduced timeout (1 minute) at 20 months when she was climbing and she could hurt herself and we had to do something drastic to stop her and redirecting wasn't helping.

willowprincess · June 2012

I actually disagree with pp. A 13 month most certainly can understand no. With dd we would pull her had away and say "no, we don't touch/push/hit/etc. _______". Then we would continue to stand there and repeat until she would walk away on her own. Redirection did not work with her unfortunately, and this way worked marvelously.

Anne Mommy · June 2012

DS loves to get into thing he shouldn't. We tell him "no we don't touch" and direct him to something more positive. If he continues repeatedly, we grab his hand and hold it. I usually count to 20 in my head. He is quickly learning that doing whatever causes him to lose his freedom for a little bit.

Smores730 · June 2012

that's what we do in our house so I think you're doing fine and it will get better in time. Some kids are a bit more stubborn than others.. I've been in many houses for playdates where they have decorations out and what not and their kids were told just a few times no touch and that was it. In regards to a previous comment, if I put a table in front of something my child would then climb the table.

MammaBear81 · June 2012

Smores730:
that's what we do in our house so I think you're doing fine and it will get better in time. Some kids are a bit more stubborn than others.. I've been in many houses for playdates where they have decorations out and what not and their kids were told just a few times no touch and that was it. In regards to a previous comment, if I put a table in front of something my child would then climb the table.

This- it takes A LOT of time, esp at 13 months old. We also make it a point to have most things they aren't aloud to touch out of reach, so we have to say "NO" less often.

Physical discipline- restraining/ hitting/smacking/slapping of any kind will work faster in the immediate future, but it has a lot of negative long term effects. I don't suggest using it.

tokenhoser · June 2012

kielpinskim:
Check out the book Positive Discipline: The First Three Years. It's the best book about parenting that I've read. We had to put a table in front of the TV so LO couldn't reach it. Not classy, but it works. It's all about childproofing. It's a toddler's nature to explore everything. Plus, they don't really understand "no" yet.

This book is great.

They conceptually/cognitively wise don't get "no" until around age 3. You can get them to understand yelling and hitting before then, but I'm not going that way. Redirection or physically moving them works better, as does good childproofing. They will understand actions far before they understand "no".

mrebecca · June 2012

We taught Abigail to leave alone the heater by saying loudly, "No touch!!" When she was too close.
We did the same with the litter box.

mesmom2011 · June 2012

I do tell DD "No" if I need to quickly get her attention, but I try to phrase what I want her to do instead of what I don't want her to do. One issue we have is that she likes to stand/walk on the couch. While this is TONS of fun, it's not safe. I tell her to sit on the couch. If she continues to stand, I pick her up and put her on the floor. I tell her "We stand on the floor." I think it's important to tell kids what you want them to do (rather than what they shouldn't do).

In your case, I would probably try to figure out what is so great about the t.v. Does she like the buttons? Does she want to touch the screen? If it's the buttons, perhaps find an interesting toy with lots of buttons or even an old keyboard or something else with buttons that she could play with. When she's touching the t.v., you could direct her to the other item and let her touch the buttons on that. If she wants to touch the screen, maybe she's seeking that kind of sensory experience. Perhaps you could gather some items that are different textures (foil, plastic containers, metal bowls/spoons. . .) and let her play with those. Maybe you can come up with a replacement behavior that is equally fun for your DD.

I also build sensory play into our day because I know how important touching things is to LO's as they are learning about the world. My LO likes to play with rice, beans, alphabet pasta, playdough, paint, markers, water beads. . . (all with supervision and a pacifier in her mouth if the item is a major choking hazard - like the water beads). I think having lots of experience with touching different things helps her get that need out in a way that is more appropriate than touching things that she's not supposed to. . .

hmontty · June 2012

I am totally against rearranging the house just so my toddler can't get to things. She needs to learn to live in OUR home, and that means obeying rules like not to touch the TV or the knick-knacks on the shelves. Of course, we have baby gates and outlet covers and the like, but aside from those essentials, she can just learn.

And she has. She definitely understands "no" or the firm look and shake of the head. Whether she pays attention is another story -- she is just now beginning to stop her actions and turn away on her own, after several months of testing and ignoring. We would repeat and repeat "no, no," and if she persisted after a handful of no's, we would move her and give her a toy or some other distractor.

Life is chock full of what some of you have called "negative discipline." If she can't handle a firm "no" from her mommy who adores her, then God bless her...

nosoup4u · June 2012

She's 13 months and she has no impulse control. Either keep her out of rooms she can't play with things in, or put up barriers to prevent her from getting to them.

Redirection and distraction are the only things that really work at that age. She'll get it eventually!

Snapdragon750 · June 2012

It is flat out developmentally NOT true that a 13-month old can't understand no and has no impulse control.

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