Anyone in my boat?

Lesleyjking · June 2012

I returned to work yesterday-I'm not sure how long I'm going to last. First off I have to commute which was unexpected as we were suppose to have a local office by my return. Second my hub travels a ton so I am up with Lo at night -I'm exhausted.

I feel like I'll never see her. I leave at 7 right when she is awake and get home at 630 in time to put her to bed. All this said I'm just not sure I want to continue to work anyone else in my boat? I'm afraid she will forget who I am!

mexicolombiana · June 2012

Hey hang in there, I'm not quite in your boat because my kids sleep different hours, but you WILL get to see them and they will know who you are.

If I may suggest though, my toddler goes to sleep at 9:30 p.m. so we can spend more time with her at night. It works awesome for us. I am NOT going to put her to bed at 6:30 or 7:30 p.m. because that doesn't work for us. The nanny makes sure she takes a solid 2 hr nap during the day. And if the nap isn't til 2 or 3 pm so be it. This means she will go to bed later but who cares? It's awesome for us. I usually don't get to bed til after 11 pm anyway.

If I was a SAHM I would probably put her to bed earlier, but I'm not so we altered her schedule. She also wakes up around 8 am and I usually wake her up, change her, start her breakfast and then go off to work, and again this works for us.

So maybe try to push her bedtime later. 6:30 p.m. is mighty early to go to bed and then you don't get to see her! How old is she?

mexicolombiana · June 2012

Oh is your child only 3 months old? Yeah that's young, sorry. I thought she was older. My 5 month old isn't really on a schedule exactly, but she goes to sleep around 11 pm with us and sleeps most of the night. Then she naps a little in the day and she's awake a good chunk of when I come home from work (5:45 pm) til she's asleep for good around 10/11 pm.

ksyknelvr73 · June 2012

I went through this (or at least similarly) and it does pass. Or at least, it passed for me. I will tell you that I still have waves where I feel like this again, even now that DS is 16 months old. It seems to come and go, from what I have experienced. We cherish the weekends.

groovygrl · June 2012

mexicolombiana:
Hey hang in there, I'm not quite in your boat because my kids sleep different hours, but you WILL get to see them and they will know who you are.
If I may suggest though, my toddler goes to sleep at 9:30 p.m. so we can spend more time with her at night. It works awesome for us. I am NOT going to put her to bed at 6:30 or 7:30 p.m. because that doesn't work for us. The nanny makes sure she takes a solid 2 hr nap during the day. And if the nap isn't til 2 or 3 pm so be it. This means she will go to bed later but who cares? It's awesome for us. I usually don't get to bed til after 11 pm anyway.
If I was a SAHM I would probably put her to bed earlier, but I'm not so we altered her schedule. She also wakes up around 8 am and I usually wake her up, change her, start her breakfast and then go off to work, and again this works for us.
So maybe try to push her bedtime later. 6:30 p.m. is mighty early to go to bed and then you don't get to see her! How old is she?

Well, as someone whose kids (esp 1) had major sleep issues for the whole first year & beyond, I'm a big proponent of the early bedtime (630)& what it did for us in terms of helping them sleep better. I also struggled w/ it b/c it meant I only saw them a little & MH saw them barely at all but if she sleeps well that way, I don't think it is always fair to change it to fit your own needs. But if she can handle it then that is a different story (mine couldnt). Ours were happier, we all slept better, when there was an earlier bedtime and when we did it later that first year we were all miserable, nights were awful, MH & I were exhausted all the time b/c the kids were up constantly & bedtime was a nightmare. They are now almost 3 and we still do the bedtime routine around 7/730 and they are in their rooms by 8 and hopefully asleep by 830.

Every kid is different & so is every parent & like pp said, I"m not sure how old your LO is but the best thing to do is make sure the time you have with her is quality time! It is not always the quantity but the quality for me... I find that when I'm home w/ them all day (as I am right now many days b/c I'm between jobs) the quantity might be there but the quality isn't b/c I just can't make it quality all the time and I'm not very good at being a SAHM to be honest. When I worked FT I really felt like I had it together more than I do now & we enjoyed our time together more. Focus on making the evenings really nice & bonding like, and if the early bedtime is something important to you for whatever reason, know that in a while it will gradually push back & you'll get to increase that time w/ her at night. Babies just want cuddles & love & closeness from their parents, and you can communicate that in the time you're with her...

Any chance the local office will be opening in the future??

GL!

brewcitybride · June 2012

Honestly, I wouldn't make any big decisions in those first two months back to work. You have to get into a routine, and eventually the baby will start staying up a bit later. It can be very hard but also very rewarding to be a working mom (I love being myself at work and Mom at home). Give yourself at least two months. If you feel this way after some time, then I would look into other options. Good luck!

Oh, and she will not forget who you are:)

Lesleyjking · June 2012

Thanks ladies. She is 3 months, and also likes an earlier bedtime. I get home at 630 and we start our routine at 7. She is barely waking up as I leave in the am. I'm so worried she is going to have a stronger bond with the nanny. I'm going to miss milestones and I think wow-I have one shot at this and am choosing to work. I don't " need" to work though of course it helps. We practically break even after taxes as it relates to my paycheck and paying the nanny. However I've always been such the career person that I also don't k ow if staying home is for me, I also like bringing home a check even though it's practically all going to the nanny.

They say the local office will open in 3 months but they have been saying this So who knows when it will really happen

Im just so torn

honeybee111 · June 2012

DD also had a 6:30pm bedtime until she was around 10 months old. I went back to work when she was 7 months and evenings were definitely rushed. I ended up spending time with DD and just cooking dinner and eating late with DH after she went to bed. DD is 2.5 now and she goes to bed at 7:30-8 now, so we have more evening time with her. Also, I actually leave for work before DD wakes up, so I don't see her until the late afternoon. We have a nanny too, and although DD loves her, nothing replaces mommy, so try not to worry about that. Also, try not to worry about milestones - the first time she does something for you will be the first time.

Lesleyjking · June 2012

Thanks ladies

TGIF

q4466w · June 2012

Is there any chance that your work would let you do some creative or flexible work options until the local office opens? I have no idea what you do, so this may not work..but even if you could work from home a couple of days a week or something until the new office opens that would help. You'd have the nanny there so you could get your work done, but you could take breaks (are you breast feeding??) and play with your little one.

MeNV · June 2012

I'm not there now, but I was. The first week, really the first few months, were so hard. My husband was out of town for so much of his first year, I was driving two hours a day and my baby wasn't sleeping yet. We would leave our house at 5:55 and walk in after six/six thrity. I felt like the baby was only going to know my as the woman who fed him in the middle of the night.

It got so, so much better. He's over two now and I can easily say that he very much knows and adores me. I'm totally his favorite person right now. Don't tell my husband. Hang in there!

rodiesmum · June 2012

i know it is hard. Ive went through that phase. since it is not in the cards ffor me to SAH, i just bite the bullet and look at the brighter side of life: financial security etc.

Also, always, always remember, and ive read this here a thousand times, your kid will never, ever forget about you. no one can replace you in your kid's life. ever.

rodiesmum · June 2012

ksyknelvr73:
I went through this (or at least similarly) and it does pass. Or at least, it passed for me. I will tell you that I still have waves where I feel like this again, even now that DS is 16 months old. It seems to come and go, from what I have experienced. We cherish the weekends.

this as well.

drcolleen · June 2012

I leave the house around 0645, my DH and 2 girls are asleep. I get home on the rare good night around 5 but most nights 530-6. The plus side is that DH stays at home so my girls have late bedtimes - DD1 ~930, DD2 ~10 when I go to bed so we have some time together, the bad part is that I am exhausted.I am on call 1-2 week days/week which means I may not come home at all that night but I do generally get home between 1 and 4 the next afternoon, then I am on 24hr call at least 3 weekend days/month which usually means going in both mornings.

So yes, I understand. DD1 is old enough to ask me if I am going to work and it breaks my heart a little, but I know that it will be ok.

Netty_3 · June 2012

I can relate. I have a long commute. Sometimes I don't see LO in the morning awake...rather he doesn't see me. When we get home it's just enough time to eat and go to bed. LO won't forget you thought...You're Mommy! Make the most of the time together. I love my gummy smile, big kisses, and kicking legs I get when he sees me. I wish I was with him more often, but it makes me happy knowing he's happy and loves me. He'd rather be with me than anyone else. Hang in there...and do what's best for you and your family.

preggersin2011 · June 2012

A little late to the party but here's my two cents. LO was 8 weeks when she started day care. between not sleeping through the night yet and going to work, my coworkers knew I was exhausted. I spent most of the first month snuggling with LO on the couch when I got home and falling asleep with her there. I would wake up at some point and put her in the crib and go to my bed. She started sleeping 12 hours regularly around 4 months. When DLS time hit she woke up at 7am rather than 6am. At first it bothered me that I only had a few minutes with her in the morning, but after a week or two I realized it was 100% easier to change a diaper and put her in the car rather than feed & entertain her for an hour. When I miss her, i'll bring her to bed with me. Sometimes she freaks out and I'll put her back, other times she loves snuggling in mommy's bed

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