Baby Led Weaning - long

Khrysty289 · June 2012

So a few years ago, I was in charge of a nursery. One of the parents had a son who was about 3 months old when I met him. In the six months I cared for him, I noticed that his development was VERY slow, he was seriously underweight, and his parents seemed to have a "weird" philosophy on feeding.

At about 5 months old, the baby's pedi finally realized that he had never been latching properly because he was tongue-tied. He had the minor surgery to correct, but feeding him was still a chore. The poor boy was so used to it NOT working that he really did not enjoy feedings.

At 8 months, he was not hitting milestones the way the other kids did, and his weight suggested he was 3 or 4 months old.

When we finally convinced the parents to start feeding "solids" around 8.5 months (Knowing what I know now, I think they may have had him on a baby led weaning schedule with which we should NOT have interfered) he rejected those too. The other caretakers were normally the ones to speak with the parents and would say things like "your child is behind the other children," "you are not feeding him properly," "his brain can't develop if he doesn't get enough food," etc. The parents got frustrated with us as a care facility and left. (and at the time I really thought we were helping, we were going by the guidelines set for us by whoever did our licensing, so I just assumed that there was only one way to feed your baby. Now I don't blame them a bit.)

I really wish I could catch up with them now and see how he's doing. He should be around 3 years old at this point. After his tongue was fixed, and he learned how to latch properly, it did seem like he was getting the hang of things. Those poor parents were doing everything right and we harassed the hell out of them. It's upsetting to think about.

That's a lot of background just to say this:
FI and I have been reading up on a lot of AP-type methods and are beginning to realize that, in a lot of ways, our parenting style will fall into this category. One of the things we're really excited about trying is being Baby Led Weaning.

Obviously, this little boy's issues weren't brought on by that method of feeding. Months and months of an improper latch is what led to his underweight/underdeveloped state and this has nothing to do with the fact that his parents didn't introduce cereals and baby foods at 3-5 months of age. But if that's what we, as nursery caretakers, all assumed, how will this method be received if FI and I, as parents, employ it with our child?

My mother already side-eyes us because we plan on BFing ("it's just so painful and unnecessary. And you have to be tied to your baby all the time!") and are really excited to try ECing from an early, early age ("there's no point to that, can't you just potty train your kid when he/she is two like everyone else?". I think she'd draw the line here and am not prepared, as an FTM to receive a "You're a horrible parent, you're going to damage your baby" speech from my own mom.

Any helpful thoughts/suggestions?

jcsumm0 · June 2012

I would keep it simple and explain as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. A simple, "It works for us" is often all that is necessary. You could also let people know that the AAP and the WHO both recommend not starting solids until 6 months. At 6 months, babies can feed themselves, ergo, no need to spoon feed purees. There is also a good pamphlet that explains things simply. https://www.rapleyweaning.com/assets/blwleaflet.pdf

Honestly, though, you are 12 weeks pregnant. You've got plenty of time to learn that you are the parent and what other say doesn't matter. You've got to start letting these comments roll off your back.

Khrysty289 · June 2012

jcsumm0:
I would keep it simple and explain as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. A simple, "It works for us" is often all that is necessary. You could also let people know that the AAP and the WHO both recommend not starting solids until 6 months. At 6 months, babies can feed themselves, ergo, no need to spoon feed purees. There is also a good pamphlet that explains things simply. https://www.rapleyweaning.com/assets/blwleaflet.pdf

Honestly, though, you are 12 weeks pregnant. You've got plenty of time to learn that you are the parent and what other say doesn't matter. You've got to start letting these comments roll off your back.

I know, but I do appreciate being reminded. I'm not a person who likes to be told I'm "wrong" about something so it's hard to hear such negative feedback, especially from family members. FI and I will continue to research (because at this point, that's all we can do) and will end up doing whatever works best for this LO and for us, but we'll hopefully find a better way to handle reactions like that

Birdies08 · June 2012

Well, you might end up with a big baby My LO has always been at the top of the charts- she's been EBF for milk and we started solids with BLW around 6 months. No one ever questioned if she was getting enough! We had one doctor tell me I nursed her too much, but we never went back to that doctor.

That being said, it's tough when people question your parenting choices- and they will. Every choice. I'd practice saying, "It's working for our family" now We've also made some "unconventional" choices- bed sharing, not sleep training, baby wearing (vs using a stroller), delaying solids, BLW, cloth diapers, and we will be extending nursing.

Finding support through other people making similar choices (like this board!) helps. Also just letting others know that your decisions aren't up for discussion. Like I said, my typical response is, "This is working for us for now. If it stops working, we'll look at our other choices then." End of discussion.

Khrysty289 · June 2012

I could always tell the EBF babies from the FF ones at the nursery. They were so fat and sassy lol. I'm hoping to have a little chunker

I think I'd worry if I had a little baby.

That poor little boy gave me nightmares sometimes

celiabwatson · June 2012

I just want to share something I've learned now that I'm working on BLW with #2.

My first child was born slightly premature and was overall very healthy for that gestation. He had a few minor issues that I figured were normal until I had #2. My daughter was full term and healthy and now I see the subtle differences.

Anyway, my son did not take to BLW at all and we ended up doing a mix of BLW and purees because he just didn't like eating. He still doesn't really like eating but he's growing just fine (we're also still breastfeeding which makes me feel better about his nutrition). My daughter started BLW on her own around 5 months. I normally would wait until 6 but she was stealing my food at 5 months. She's a far more enthusiastic eater than my son.

All that to say that babies are different and you may decide that you like the idea of BLW now but it may not work. Or you may decide that you want to do purees but then have a super independent baby who insists on feeding herself. Be open to noticing the beautiful uniqueness in your child and you'll do fine.

nosoup4u · June 2012

Aw, well, it's good you now understand in retrospect they were doing what they thought was best.

Try not to worry too much about your parenting decisions - just don't trumpet your way as the only way, or make too many pronouncements about what you will do before you have your baby - that way you won't have to explain yourself if you change gears, hee hee.

We do a fair amount of AP things with our kids, but I usually don't have to defend our choices. If it comes up and someone asks about it, I will go ahead and explain it politely, but usually I just nod, smile and keep doing what works for us.

Congrats and good luck!

NYGirl02 · June 2012

I was worried about explaining BLW to people to, but it has been super easy. All I really say is "oh, N really likes to feed herself so we just give her nice soft finger foods" and most people have left it at that. I'm getting a little 'tude from SIL about how I need to do cereal for the iron. I told her that we roll the food in the cereal to make it easier to grab (which we only do as necessary, but it does work well) and that shut her up. At first I felt like I had to go all into this explanation of BLW, but it's really no biggie. I agree with PP that you just take it one step at a time. I am the most conflict averse person ever though, so I know it's easier said than done.

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