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LGBT Parenting
hlke
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Its really hard for me because I just dont get addiction AT ALL. nor do I understand how a DR. can tell you (HIM) point blank this is KILLING you and yet he still goes on doing it ...
My mom was a smoker and then she had a huge scare had a stent put in her artery and the DR. said If you pick up one cig after this then you might as well pick out a casket .. and that was the last time she ever smoked IN HER LIFE!!!
Moreover, It's M mom who also has a drinking problem who needs to support her husband and she just turns a blind eye and that kills me ...
so Father day at his facility and then Monday we have a all day family session of therapy which worries me because they are family does tons of sweeping under the rug and does not speak about things I come from a different school where we say whats on our mind... so i am sure whatever i say will be used against me later he should be getting out soon though that is exciting - I just hope it lasts
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Re: hlke
I was not ADDICTED to food my relationship with food is different yes actually i think about food even more now... but I was not addicted to it .. nor was i a binge eater or depressed or abused - i just enjoyed eating and still do .. so that's not a good comparison ...
Addiction and/or Disease I dont understand it and I have a very small /short tolerance for it especially when my wife and children are involved Because if he kills himself they will miss out and they will be sad ( i will too ) but I have to deal with them when they are sad and mourning and Its just not fair ...and they will all be so dumbfounded as to why this happened and that is what gets me ... I am all for helping - he wants to overcome it and i think he can if he had the right support system -
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
I do think addiction can be very hard to understand, and therefore the behavior of people who are addicted can be very hard to understand. Try to remember that at some point, the addiction (the disease) became outside your FIL's control. So now he is locked in a struggle between what he really wants (to be sober, so see his grandkids grow up) and what the disease wants (for him to keep drinking).
I also know that it can be very hard to be the daughter in law to a dysfunctional family, which is definitely the case for my relationship with C's family too. If you can, take some time to make sure you and Melanie are on the same page about your role in the family session. In my case, I often bite my tongue because my way of interacting and solving problems is not their way of interacting and solving problems. I think it's pretty obvious their way of solving problems doesn't work, but speaking up generally isn't productive and makes things worse for C's relationship with them.
The way I cope with biting my tongue (not my usual way of doing things!) is to say I am "meeting them where they are" and reminding myself that they are all doing the best they can. Your FIL is clearly doing the best he can, working on his recovery and trying to beat this awful disease. And MIL is probably doing the best she can too, given where she's at (in denial about her own contribution, probably wanting to downplay this because it involves taking a hard look at how they got there). It is hard to watch our wives and their families struggle, but all you can do is support your wife and hope her family figures it out.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
Maybe it would help to stop trying to understand it? In my case, in a somewhat similar situation (but with mental illness, also a disease of the mind), I finally had to accept that I wanted to understand my mother so I could fix her. If it made sense, I could explain to her why it wasn't working right, so she could become the mother I wanted her to be.
People who have mental chips that are wired abnormally really are different from people who aren't. That's their reality. And we can't enter into it. In your case, it seems doubly hard in that it's not your direct relative but that of someone you love. My wife also suffers because of my family situation, and it's important for me to work on remembering that sometimes she becomes furious about it because she wants to protect me and can't. It's hard. I'm sorry.
Oooh .. this mightwork for me.. but I feel bad because I am not at all excited about letting my kids seem them or spending time because I am so worried and its so uncomfortable ..
But I think I get this ...
We had the session it went well better than expected for the 1st session 2nd was lame and wast of time ... FIL says he was scared straight and that the cardiac episode made him realize he can not touch a drink .. The treatment center he is at is not a 12 step which he hates and they actually dont consider Addiction a DISEASE... interesting but they try to figure out why and what triggers a person to be addicted ... It was interesting to say the least ...
I am trying - really hard to be positive and selfishly my worry is not so much about him ... But about the what ifs and if he does not make it or if god forbid dies then I have to carry my wife and her mom ... Meaning that I have to see then hurt and sad and the loss...
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
It's not selfish to not worry about him. Why would you? He's not your dad or really even someone you like much given that addicts, unless you have been attached to them for long periods of time, are not charming people to be around ESPECIALLY when in treatment. The only reason you have to deal with him is because he's related to people you know. It makes total sense that you are worried about how he affects the people you love. It's oddly harder to see people you love hurt than to be hurt yourself.