Out of Town Family Attending Birth

kaykay1126 · June 2012

I have a question about how to plan for out of town families who want to attend the birth. My husband and I live in TN, but our families are both in Michigan. My stepmom plans to be here for the birth of our first in September. Considering she lives about 800 miles away, we can't just call her up and be like "it's time!" Some people I worked with mentioned that doctors can induce me. I asked my OB about it early in the pregnancy just because it is a big deal to me and I didn't really get a straight answer out of her. All she really said is that they won't generally induce me early if it is my first. I don't want to be induced early, I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I plan to readdress it with my OB in my next couple of visits, but I am curious as to what options there are. Thanks!!

INmommy871278 · June 2012

My sister in law lives in Alabama and I am in Indiana...the plan is to call her as soon as I go into labor to give her time to get here. I personally only want DH in the room with me so it's not a huge deal if she makes it before LO gets here or not. Not sure how long of a drive it is from Michigan to you, but you might try something like that.

Manx4 · June 2012

In my opinion, inducing without medical reasons is not a good move.

My parents live in Florida, I live in Michigan, and my mom flew up two days prior to my EDD and stayed for a total of two weeks.

You & your family have to understand that unfortunately living 800 miles away means there IS a chance they could miss the actual birth.

Even if you did get an induction, that doesn't mean baby won't decide two weeks prior to your induction date to not make an appearance anyway.

Baby runs the show...not you, not your doctor.

I understand it's important to you, see if your family can travel around your EDD and stay a few days. They have a better chance of catching the birth.

mlf625 · June 2012

kaykay1126:
I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.

Right, and I want a unicorn that brings me Cheetos in my bed.

Babies come when they're ready. Unless you have a complication that requires a birth (be it induction or c/s) to be scheduled, guess what? You don't get to know. Plan for family to come a week after your EDD if you want to be 100% sure there's a baby to meet, or that there will be within a week of the family's arrival.

blindvictory · June 2012

Most doctors won't induce you unless you're (A) late or (B) have a genuine medical reason for it, like pre-e or problems with the baby. Induction has a higher risk of complications and it's typically better to just let the baby come when they're ready.

Would it be possible for your stepmom to just come around your due date and plan for the possibility of having to wait a little bit for the baby to come?

mrs.kapow · June 2012

Manx4:
In my opinion, inducing without medical reasons is not a good move.
My parents live in Florida, I live in Michigan, and my mom flew up two days prior to my EDD and stayed for a total of two weeks.
You & your family have to understand that unfortunately living 800 miles away means there IS a chance they could miss the actual birth.
Even if you did get an induction, that doesn't mean baby won't decide two weeks prior to your induction date to not make an appearance anyway.
Baby runs the show...not you, not your doctor.
I understand it's important to you, see if your family can travel around your EDD and stay a few days. They have a better chance of catching the birth.

All of this. Inducing when your body isn't ready could mean more issues for you and the baby than just your family being or not being present.

MrsL0908 · June 2012

Our families are 3 hours away (so not as far as yours). I was induced for pre-e, but was told it would take a day or two; but it only took a few hours. My mom was in the car on her way when DS was born; so she was at the hospital relatively quickly. We called my dad and stepmom and they came up that night and then went home. The rest of the family (siblings and DH's mom) waited a few days and then came up for the day. My sister flew to visit a few weeks later. This time, my mom will probably be here early to watch DS; but I imagine we'll just call everyone else after the baby is born. My sister also plans to come a few weeks out to spend the weekend (like last time). Ultimately, MH and I were happy it was just us at the birth. I was so out of it and focused on the delivery it didn't matter who was there. And I think it will be nice to have it the same way again.

knitstrong · June 2012

I don't think there is anything to "re-address" with your OB. Dude isn't going to agree to a scheduled induction just so your mom and dad can be sitting in the waiting room when you have the baby, it just doesn't work like that. This isn't an elective procedure, you haven't torn your ACL, you're having a baby! You don't get to choose when it happens. Your best bet would be, as PPs have said, to have your family come out around the time of your EDD, and hope that you go into labor while they are around. Though, honestly, do your really want them to be sitting around for that week, watching you, waiting for your water to break so they won't have wasted the trip? I've heard of really uncomfortable situations where pregnant women feel pressured and parents get angry because it's time for them to go back home and the baby hasn't come yet.

ifwisheswerefishes · June 2012

mlf625:
kaykay1126:
I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.
Right, and I want a unicorn that brings me Cheetos in my bed.
Babies come when they're ready. Unless you have a complication that requires a birth (be it induction or c/s) to be scheduled, guess what? You don't get to know. Plan for family to come a week after your EDD if you want to be 100% sure there's a baby to meet, or that there will be within a week of the family's arrival.

yeah, this.

my brother is going to be coming from Texas for the birth of his niece/goddaughter, and as much as i would love for him to be there to meet her as close after her birth is possible, we're aware that this just isn't going to happen unless he comes up early and stays for a while. so we're just planning on him getting a call when i go into labour, and he will get in his car and start his trip as soon as he can after that.

bonjourbelle05 · June 2012

mlf625:
kaykay1126:
I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.
Right, and I want a unicorn that brings me Cheetos in my bed.
Babies come when they're ready. Unless you have a complication that requires a birth (be it induction or c/s) to be scheduled, guess what? You don't get to know. Plan for family to come a week after your EDD if you want to be 100% sure there's a baby to meet, or that there will be within a week of the family's arrival.

All of this...the only way you could have any idea when baby is coming is if you did a scheduled C-section and then the family wouldn't be allowed in the room anyway (at least that's the policy at most hospitals).

mchupie · June 2012

Really? You want a non-medically necessary induction so that your family can be there? Good luck, that's all I got.

JennH28 · June 2012

mlf625:
kaykay1126:
I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.
Right, and I want a unicorn that brings me Cheetos in my bed.
Babies come when they're ready. Unless you have a complication that requires a birth (be it induction or c/s) to be scheduled, guess what? You don't get to know. Plan for family to come a week after your EDD if you want to be 100% sure there's a baby to meet, or that there will be within a week of the family's arrival.

Yes (now I want Cheetos...)

JoJo507 · June 2012

kaykay1126:

I have a question about how to plan for out of town families who want to attend the birth. My husband and I live in TN, but our families are both in Michigan. My stepmom plans to be here for the birth of our first in September. Considering she lives about 800 miles away, we can't just call her up and be like "it's time!" Some people I worked with mentioned that doctors can induce me. I asked my OB about it early in the pregnancy just because it is a big deal to me and I didn't really get a straight answer out of her. All she really said is that they won't generally induce me early if it is my first. I don't want to be induced early, I just want to know when the baby is coming so my family can plan to be here.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I plan to readdress it with my OB in my next couple of visits, but I am curious as to what options there are. Thanks!!

If you are having a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy there aren't other options, at least, not safe ones. You wait for baby to come. Interfering before your body/baby is ready could be downright dangerous. My/DH's entire family will be traveling to see this baby. I will be calling when I am in labor. If they make it, they make it. If not, oh well. The health of LO is more important. I would suggest you do as pp suggested and have them come a little before your EDD to give them a chance. GL.

terri_doula2010 · June 2012

Manx4:
In my opinion, inducing without medical reasons is not a good move.
My parents live in Florida, I live in Michigan, and my mom flew up two days prior to my EDD and stayed for a total of two weeks.
You & your family have to understand that unfortunately living 800 miles away means there IS a chance they could miss the actual birth.
Even if you did get an induction, that doesn't mean baby won't decide two weeks prior to your induction date to not make an appearance anyway.
Baby runs the show...not you, not your doctor.
I understand it's important to you, see if your family can travel around your EDD and stay a few days. They have a better chance of catching the birth.

All of this. I would love my mom to be here for the birth, but I moved from GA to WI while pregnant with DS and I'm still here and she is still there, so it is what it is. After I have DD we'll plan for her to fly up as soon as possible and we'll all survive it.

DerpityDog · June 2012

Not every family has this luxury, but my dad and stepmom will likely plan a trip out for the whole month (or at least for the week before and after the due date). They'll do a vacation rental so they aren't up in our business the whole time. This way they have a good chance of being here when it happens. If she comes early, then I'm sure they'd get on a plane as soon as they could. I don't want them in the room with me, it's just about being there right after and taking pictures and stuff.

hmp1 · June 2012

I would totally side eye your doctor for agreeing to induce for this reason. Not a good idea.

I'm due on the 28th. DS1 was born a week early and this baby has measured exactly the same as him at every check up. I'm thinking I could deliver a week early again. My parents live in TX, I'm in TN. They plan to get here on the 15th and hang out until the baby comes. To stay busy they will do day trips around TN and house hunt because I am trying to get them to move here. If the baby comes before they get here, so be it.

damabo80 · June 2012

I have a sure-fire way that everyone can be in attendance while the baby is crowning: have everyone come out now and start their visit.

Also, you can find flights last minute if money is not an issue. I was told around 1p I'd be having a baby once the OR opened up. My mom was able to catch a flight at 6a the next morning (she lives on the opposite coast). She was here by the next evening after the birth.

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