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Pre-School and Daycare
3 y.o. hurting newborn
Whats best -
do i punish each time? (i'm worried this will make her resent baby more)
or do i ignore it and hope if she doesnt get a reaction from me, she will stop?
HELP please - at my wits end!
One beautiful toddler and one beautiful baby.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 3 y.o. hurting newborn
Neither! I don't think that you should punish and it is not safe to ignore it! A 3 year old is big enough for you to talk them through it! Be supportive and understanding of his feelings (I know that it is hard to have a new baby in the house...), but let him know that the baby is part of the family and that it is not ok to hurt the baby!
Make sure to give your preschooler lots of positive attention and have each parent and/or other relatives spend special alone time with the older sibling. Buy toys and go on outings that are just for "big kids" (babies can't eat ice cream, etc).
When our DD was born, we also read lots of books with our older child about becoming a big brother, and had him "help" with the baby so that he could feel like he was a part of things too!
GL!
I agree with the PP who said neither.
First, try to put yourself in the 3 yo's shoes. This is a super stressful time; her world has just been turned upside down, and she's trying to make sense of it.
Second, don't give the preschooler the opportunity to hurt the newborn! Don't leave them alone together. Respect the preschooler's decision if she doesn't want to interact with the baby, and if she does want to play with/hold/touch the baby, make sure that you're right there to guide the interaction. If she hurts the baby, perhaps give her one warning and model how to play with the baby nicely. Next time, make her move away from the baby and perhaps don't let her interact with the baby the next time she wants to.
Also, make sure to give the preschooler lots of attention, and let her know how special she is because she's so BIG and can do so many AWESOME things that the baby can't. And if she's game, have her help with the baby in little ways, like bringing you diapers or helping to gently give the baby a bath. And make sure to praise her well for positive interactions with the baby. If she's verbal enough, you could also appoint her as the ambassador for the baby when you're out and about. She could answer strangers' questions like, how old is the baby?, what's her name?, etc, etc.
Thanks ladies!
I guess i should have been clearer in my post - - we have already done all of your suggestions. And that is why I am at my wits end. She gets lots of attention, alone time with mommy and dady. She loves being in charge of getting babys diapers and telling people they must wash their hands before touching baby. She is NEVER left alone with baby, but sometimes when I am holding LO she will ask if she can kiss LOs feet (for example) and then in the blink of and eye she is grabbing at LOs foot trying to squeeze it.
I feel like we have done everything "right" as per everyone's suggestions and she is still trying to hurt baby. Any other tips????
Thanks so much!
It sounds like she is trying to get a reaction from you, and she knows if she squeezes the baby's foot, she will.
Yes, I would do a time out. I have no tolerance for aggression.
Give the attention to the newborn.....step away from 3 yr old when it happens and tell the baby, "I'm so sorry that your sister is not being gentle right now." After a moment, ask sister to apologize and then move on.
Sort of like a time out, but not necessarily calling it that. Praise, praise, praise your 3 yr old for gentle loving behavior with the baby as much as you can.
I used this same tactic when my son was 3 and was rough with the baby. He learned quickly that he would get more attention and reaction when he was good with the baby. If he was aggressive or mean, then the baby got the attention and not him.
Maybe that's a slightly passive agressive approach, but it still works. If my older son accidentally injures a friend or is mean, I give my attention to the victim of the incident. Works everytime.
I love this advice!