Delays and Frustration (VENT) — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Delays and Frustration (VENT)

Sorry for the vent...So DW had apparently gained some weight while we were waiting to start trying again during our summer break.  As a result were forced to cancel our June cycle and July isnt looking good either because her BMI is a little too high.  Needless to say we are both bummed and I am not handling it well.  I am not mad at DW she has already lost 5 lbs since we found out...15 more to go.  I am just frustrated because this means we may not be able to try again until next summer when we are on break again meaning ANOTHER year of waiting before get to try and have a baby.  We are so not getting any younger.  It seems like everytime we make plans to move our lives forward we have to go at it the hard way.  I was talking to my therapist about it today and I came to the conclusion that of all the crap we go through there is one thing in my life that is easy...my marriage.  I love my wife and when a baby comes into our life it will happen at the right time because we never gave up, and got there as a team.  Sorry for the vent, thanks for reading, I am just more bummed than any of our BFNs because at least we were trying.
We had three BFN in the Fall of 2011. It is back on to some baby making come June. Swim little fellas, SWIM!!!!

Re: Delays and Frustration (VENT)

  • hlkehlke member

    I'm so sorry for the delays LV.  I understand a little how frustrating it is.

    Is there any way DW can use FMLA for TTC?  The time does not have to be continuous or taken in whole days.  I realize you are trying to be respectful of the needs of the school district (it's hard to hire a sub for only two hours), but I agree the idea of waiting a year is just so hard. 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • Sending hugs your way, I'm sorry this is so frustrating!!!

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  • I'm so sorry.  I haven't had to deal with the time constraints you're working with but I have had to skip cycles (involuntarily and only semi-voluntarily) and I HATE it.  Is there ANY way you could make it work -- at least one cycle -- during the school year?  (I used to teach high school, so I know it's hard -- but it just seems like you two shouldn't have to wait another whole year!)

    Keeping my fingers crossed that something works out for you this summer.

    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I am sorry  - that sucks. I understand the frustration in having to skip cycles (we did 9 cycles in 19 months) and it can be miserable. But I love how much passion and confidence you have for your wife and your marriage.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • LV1979LV1979 member
    imageball.and.chain:

    I'm so sorry.  I haven't had to deal with the time constraints you're working with but I have had to skip cycles (involuntarily and only semi-voluntarily) and I HATE it.  Is there ANY way you could make it work -- at least one cycle -- during the school year?  (I used to teach high school, so I know it's hard -- but it just seems like you two shouldn't have to wait another whole year!)

    Keeping my fingers crossed that something works out for you this summer.

    We have been talking about trying again during the school year and we are playing with the idea of just kind of trying on months that arent so hectic.  She works full time and is in her last year of her second Master's so those months are far and few between.  We are also going to discuss with our fertility clinic and see if there is anything we can do about monitoring appt times.  The first appt is 7:15 and goes to 9:30.  DW has to be at work at 6:45 and has to take a full half day of leave to go.  So needless to say last year we burned thru time quickly.  We are both super frustrated and frazzled at the moment.  I do know that she has been working out like crazy and is counting every calorie at the moment so here is to keeping our fingers crossed that the weight will come off FAST.

    We had three BFN in the Fall of 2011. It is back on to some baby making come June. Swim little fellas, SWIM!!!!
  • tdmklmtdmklm member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you both.
    image
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  • I understand how you are feeling!! my partner and I had to wait 3 years before we could try again. but iI must say  that good things come to those who wait! i wont lie, its going to be a long journey, but it will soo be worth it in the end!!
  • This whole situation sucks, my heart goes out to you.

     I agree with the suggestion to look in to FMLA (for days here or there) if you can afford the unpaid time.  There are people on the infertility boards who have had success doing this for IVF.  You need to qualify for FMLA (basically her employer has 50 or more employees and she's been there 1 year or more) and have a doctor's letter certifying it.  The letter just has to say medical need and does not have to specify the condition. 

    Also, is there another RE you can work with that has better policies on BMI and maybe better hours (hours is probably harder, but I guarantee you could find someone with a better attitude to BMI)??  I'm a larger woman myself and have a lot of thoughts and have done a lot of reading on this.  Obviously being at a lower BMI overall is better for becoming pregnant and having a healthy pregnancy, but this is by no means the trump card in getting, staying, or having a healthy pregnancy.  Many many obese women have successful healthy pregnancies and weight should be ONE of many things that are taken into account in providing treatment.  One of the major reasons SOME REs have strict policies on it is to protect their own success statistics.  Which I personally think is an ultra lame reason to deny someone treatment.  I probably wouldn't pass your doctor's BMI test and I if I had a choice I would refuse to work with a doctor with such a strict cut-off on principle.  You are not magically healthier at 24.9 vs. 25.1 or 39.9 vs 40.1.  It just doesn't work that way. 

    Obviously this advice is moot if you and your wife agree that you don't want to TTC with her at the weight she's at (in my mind that would be a valid personal decision, but it's personal!!), but it doesn't sound like that's the case from your expressed frustration.

    TTC with PCOS since July 2011.
    IVF Oct/Nov 2012
    Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
    Cautiously optimistic.
  • hlkehlke member

    Also, not sure what your sperm bank's policy is on shipping to home, or if DW has any known fertility issues you're working on with the RE, but any chance you could convert some cycles to at home ICI?  You may decide that's not the best option for you, but just wanted to put it out there as a choice.

     ((((((HUGS))))))) I'm so sorry.  Vent anytime. 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
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