H wants a divorce.

blowfish11 · June 2012

I don't really know how to go about this.

He is Army. We've been married 6 1/2 years. Two children, one on the way. And suddenly he doesn't want to keep working at this. Marriage takes two to make it work. But he assumes that I can do all the work and make all the effort and everything will be perfect.

I really need some support right now, but I'm not really sure where to go for it. I am afraid to tell my family and friends that we failed at this because everyone thinks we have such a fantastic marriage. We've managed to do a very good job at keeping any issues (albeit minor ones) extremely private. So no one is aware that things are the way they are now.

I would appreciate any advice, kind words, T&P's, positive thoughts, etc.

TIA.

edited: typos

lew0509 · June 2012

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Marriage to the military brings a whole new set of challenges that most civilian marriages don't have to deal with. None of it is easy and it seems like there is always some kind of extra stress affecting things.

The ony good thing about the military is that there's all sorts of outlets for free counseling. Militaryonesource.com offers free, anonymous counseling that you can even do online. There should also be a Military Family and Life Consultant within your husband's unit that is also free. I don't know what post you're at, but on our MWR page it has phone numbers for general post MFLAC counselors and other referral resources. This can be for indiviual or couples couseling if he's willing. They also offer classes such as "Parenting and Divorce" or "Divorce and Money".

I would absolutely pay a visit to the legal office to make sure that all of your bases are covered. Maybe check and see if your powers of attorney are updated, just in case you need them.

Again I'm so sorry that you're going through this, especially on top of a pregnancy. I wish all the best for you and your family.

Linz-E · June 2012

I would start with militaryonesource.com its a great resource. Im sorry you have to deal with this!

blue_angeleyes06 · June 2012

So sorry you are going through this. Keep your head up!

Lissa832 · June 2012

Did his request for a divorce come out of left field, or is this something that you have been discussing?

I read it like it was pretty sudden. My advice to you is to protect yourself and your kids. Even if you don't want a divorce, contact an attorney to at least see what your rights are. I would also question everything. If this did happen suddenly, I would bet that this isn't as black and white as it seems. I would bet that there was a third party involved.

Im sorry you are going through this.i can't imagine dealing with this while pregnant. Hang in there.

angelwings111 · June 2012

Militaryonesource is amazing! If he won't go to couples therapy I would go alone just to have some support during this rough time. Hang in there, I am sorry you have to go through this Sad

angelwings111 · June 2012

Lissa832:
Did his request for a divorce come out of left field, or is this something that you have been discussing?
I read it like it was pretty sudden. My advice to you is to protect yourself and your kids. Even if you don't want a divorce, contact an attorney to at least see what your rights are. I would also question everything. If this did happen suddenly, I would bet that this isn't as black and white as it seems. I would bet that there was a third party involved.
Im sorry you are going through this.i can't imagine dealing with this while pregnant. Hang in there.

I was thinking the same thing, unfortunately

squireremillard · June 2012

You can receive counseling through Military One source. I am receiving counseling for myself through MOS to talk about our possible divorce and separation. We have 1 child and one on the way. He is army reserves. He has found another woman, and I'm the worst wife apparently. Talking to the counselor has really helped and it's free. You can receive up to 12 sessions w/o charge. I do no understand how someone can make these kind of decisions while expecting another child and truly not try to work on the marriage. We have been only trying to work things about for about 2 months. I totally understand your pain. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

selenamarino · June 2012

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I've been a paralegal at a family law firm for more than ten years and although I don't know what it feels like to deal with what you are going through but I do see it alot. First I pray that your husbands eyes open and he sees that his family is too important not to work his hardest at fixing whatever problems you two may have but if he doesn't please try to find strenght in knowing that you will make it past the pain and heartache and eventually find true happiness.

Poppy1213 · June 2012

Hang tough but I don't recommend doing it alone. DO NOT worry about what others with think. They will be there to support you just like you supported your family and husband this whole time. Now it's your turn. Your job is to take care of your self and your kiddo's now and let others help. Contact your Family Support Center, they will be glad to help and get you in the right direction.

(and it's okay to cry right now, really hard. but you will get through this)

H wants a divorce.

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