Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Stephanie2167
member
Re: What makes a good VBAC candidate?
I can't really comment on much of your post because my situation was different. I am a good candidate b/c the only reason I had a c/s was because DD was a footling breech. But I bolded that part of your post b/c my DH was really against a VBAC too until I start researching it and finding that it is the safer route for me and the baby. I thought I was really going to have to "sell" him on it once I decided but he said that ultimately it is my decision since it is my body.
I don't know everything that made a good candidate, at my first appointment I asked my doctor if I was a candidate and he said yes.
I had a c/s after I was induced and stalled at 6cm. Grayson wouldn't drop and after 24 hours of labor apparently he just didn't think it would happen. Sometimes I kick myself for not waiting longer, but it is what it is.
As for my husband - I think he is hoping for a RCS, but the reality is I'm the one doing the research, I know I'm a good candidate, I have my OB behind me saying it's okay, and at the end of the day, I'm the one that has to go through the birth and recovery. While I'm sure we will have lots of discussions about it, my vote counts as 2 because I'm the mom.
A "good" VBAC candidate can be defined in so many ways, and honestly it really depends on your care provider that you end up choosing. Some will say as long as you weren't labeled "FTP" or "CPD" that you're a good candidate. Others will say only those with a low transverse uterine incision are candidates, and only if they go into labor by 39 weeks, etc. It really varies quite a bit.
To me, you sound like a great candidate because you dilated to 9cm and it appears the only reason for your c/s was due to fetal heart tones and the cord preventing your DD from descending... but I'm not a medical professional.
Check out the VBAC bumpies blog for birth stories, links/resources, and reading lists
https://vbacbumpies.blogspot.com/p/recommended-books.html
As for your DH, show him the research and risks for both RCS and VBAC. Talk openly about how you are feeling and why. My DH was so furious about the way my labor with DD was "managed" by the on-call OB, that he was adamant we learn more about my birthing options for subsequent pregnancies. So we did, and we were both on board with VBAC after going through the information together.
HTH and GL!
ETA: typo
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
First off, you do sound like a great candidate.
As for your DH, he needs to do more research. I think my DH feared a VBAC until he started researching. Once he realized I was three times more likely to die during a RCS he joined the VBAC team. He also came to many of my appointments with my midwife and she was really patient and answered all of his questions and concerns. I'd recommend that too.
Each OB will tell you differently:
Background on my OB he is not a fan of VBACs but said he would never deny a good candidate the option. If he thinks someone is a good candidate he will talk to them about VBAC. If they are not a good candidate he won't bring it up unless they do.
Good candidate to him is someone who has had a V birth then had a csection due to breech or something similar and now for their third wants to go VBAC. He prefers VBACs when the woman in question has already had a V birth and he knows her body can do it.
He did not consider me one which I was really ok with.
The best vbac candidate is someone who didn't have a vaginal birth due to a problem with the baby rather than a problem with the mom. So bad positioning (breech, transverse, just slightly crooked, whatever), cord issues, heart rate issues - those are all problems that the baby had and there's no reason to think that the next baby will have them.
I has a csec with my first due to merconium and fetal stress but we are going to try a VBAC for #2 in a couple of months. From what my OBs have told me good candidates for VBAC on second pregnancy waited at least a year between the first birth and conceiving the second child, had to have a csec due to fetal heart rate stress, had a csec for slow progression (not a good reason for csec but it happens all the time), had a cesec due to breech, women with low transverse incisions from their csec, and the baby is expected to be under 10 lbs and the head is down.
My doc said ACOG states that a VBAC is safer than a repeat csec but risk of uterine rupture and other complications become more likely if the mother is induced. If you decide to try for a VBAC you want to go into labor naturally.
As a side note, you can do things like squats and stretching to help prep and assist the baby's decent. Also things like epidurals have a tendency to delay the labor so you might want to consider going without meds. I labored for 25 hours with my first one with no meds and was fine. Having a tub reduces the pain and having a doula helps with mental focus and pain management.
I'm sure there is plenty of information out there if you wanted to pick up a book or two. ICAN has a facebook page and some regional websites. Some cities have ICAN or VBAC groups that meet to discuss VBACs and whatnot. You might be able to find a group to attend that could put your mind at ease about some things. It might benefit your husband as well.
Good luck!