upset by SIL

HeyTeacher · June 2012

My husband told me today that his sister is trying to get pregnant. DH and I are having the first child on both sides and I really feel like SIL is trying to steal my "thunder", so to speak. Maybe its just my hormones, I'm not really sure. This information just has me kind of upset right now.

I dont need anyone to jump all over me and tell me i'm a horrible person for feeling this way. If that is your comment, keep it to yourself.

CallMeLauraJane · June 2012

I don't think you're horrible for feeling that way. But, I think it's a silly feeling (doesn't mean you don't feel it, though). Maybe your SIL and her SO have been thinking about a baby for a while and it just so happens it coincides with your pregnancy?

You'll still have thunder... it'll just be doubled because now you have someone going through the experience with you. Try to take it as a positive.

Just because she's trying doesn't mean she'll succeed quickly. And if she does, be happy for her just as I'm sure she's happy for you.

mishka29 · June 2012

Sometimes my SIL really pisses me off and you can't help how you feel. But put yourself in her shoes...what if she was 10 weeks pregnant and then found out that you were trying to have a baby. You wouldn't be doing it because you want to steal her thunder, you would be doing it because you and your husband have decided that you want to start a family.

jobiann · June 2012

Hmm

Edit: I should probably explain my side eye.

It's her body and their decision to decide when to have children...I seriously doubt she is doing it to steal your thunder. I would love it if my SIL was pregnant the same time I was, we'd get to experience it together and our LO's would be close cousins!

Allycat11 · June 2012

I doubt she is trying to steal your "thunder". She is welcome to TTC whenever she wants. Think about it this way, if she gets pregnant soon (which she may or may not) you will have someone to go through everything with and at the end you will have children close in age.

DH and I are disappointed because his sister's youngest is 3 (they are for sure done) and due to large age gaps, none of my siblings are TTC any time soon so our first child will not have cousins close in age. All of our friends are either single or plan to enjoy married life child free for several more years, so no kids there either.

milesc · June 2012

Would it make you feel better if she had a hard time conceiving?

Jbosarge85 · June 2012

Allycat11:
I doubt she is trying to steal your "thunder". She is welcome to TTC whenever she wants. Think about it this way, if she gets pregnant soon (which she may or may not) you will have someone to go through everything with and at the end you will have children close in age.
DH and I are disappointed because his sister's youngest is 3 (they are for sure done) and due to large age gaps, none of my siblings are TTC any time soon so our first child will not have cousins close in age. All of our friends are either single or plan to enjoy married life child free for several more years, so no kids there either.

My DH has a son from a previous relationship who will be 8 when we have our LO. and DHs only sister is only 17 right now (we are seriously hoping she doesn't have a baby soon, considering she is debating her sexuality right now we don't think that will be an issue) all of my sisters have children but they live across the country from us so I'm also sad that our baby won't have anyone close in age to play with.

BLPL101 · June 2012

She wants a baby which means she's stealing your thunder? Um okay....

Jbosarge85 · June 2012

Maybe it would be nice to put in it your SIL point of view if she knew you were mad. My SIL (who started out as my best friend in HS) has tried for years to get pregnant and has fertility issues. My DH and I decided we wanted to get pregnant and when she found out decided to call me a bunch of awful names and then proceed to stop talking to me, she even refused to come to my wedding or let my brother come. She might have felt I was "trying to steal her thunder" but I wasn't, we were getting married and are getting older in age and felt it was a good time to start a family. Be happy for her

graciesmurf · June 2012

I don't think you're horrible, but your perspective is a little self centered.

It's not like you were over at your IL's house talking about your pregnancy then she jumped in making a big announcement. Or if you were at your baby shower and then she told everyone there and made it about her--that would be stealing your thunder.

buggirl72 · June 2012

By your word choices, I have a feeling that recognize that you may not be thinking as fairly about this as you normally would. And I think you posted here because you probably did not feel comfortable talking about it with anyone else. I think it is a mix of jealousy and being protective of "your" pregnancy with a healthy dose of hormones. If you were not pregnant, would you be excited for your SIL? I also know that there may be more to this than we know. Has you SIL ever stole your thunder before? Whatever the cause is, do not let it impact your joy in your pregnancy.

MrsW0615 · June 2012

I don't think you're horrible for being upset over it, but I will say I don't understand why it seems to be eating you up so much. You never know if it will take your SIL one month or one year to get pregnant, so I wouldn't stress over it. When would be a good time, in your opinion, for her to try to get pregnant? Are you upset that she announced that she was trying or are you worried that in your pregnancy, she will become pregnant and steal your thunder again with another announcement? You will still have the first child on both sides so it's really NBD, if that's what you're worried about. I would just be happy and feel honored to have the first grandchild on both sides and be done with it.

JennV514 · June 2012

Their decision to try to get pregnant had nothing to do with you, just like your decision had nothing to do with them. She's not trying to steal your thunder. You're being irrational.

sbevmc09 · June 2012

JennV514:
Their decision to try to get pregnant had nothing to do with you, just like your decision had nothing to do with them. She's not trying to steal your thunder. You're being irrational.

Agreed.

Plus, you'll still have the first grandbaby on both sides since she's not even PG yet

Last time I was pregnant with my first while SIL (MH's brother's wife) was pregnant with #3. It was actually kind of cool being pregnant together and it's fun having the kids so close in age (her baby was born exactly 1 week after DS). This time around my sister and I both happen to be pregnant with our 2nd babies and we're both excited about sharing the experience and having the LOs be so close in age (they should end up being ~2 months apart).

I think it'll be really nice to have cousins so close in age considering there will be a 3yr age gap between my 2 LOs (which is what we wanted) and there will actually be a 4yr gap between my sister's kids. Also, my SIL's #3 is 4yrs younger than her closest sib.

futuremrscanet · June 2012

Ugh...I am a few weeks ahead of you...you stole my thunder. Psh

denise_m · June 2012

Would there be a more appropriate time in your mind for her to TTC? I mean, when your kid is one, would that still be stealing your thunder?

cwm11985 · June 2012

huge eye roll.

bearkatjen · June 2012

My SIL got pregnant a few months after me. I was ecstatic that we had something in common and I LOVE the DS has a cousin close in age.

SPK926 · June 2012

HeyTeacher:

I dont need anyone to jump all over me and tell me i'm a horrible person for feeling this way. If that is your comment, keep it to yourself.

Sorry honey but this is a public message board and we don't like it when people come on telling us what we can and can't post. We can post whatever we feel like.

You are ridiculous for feeling that way and I suggest you figure out a way to work through it or you're not going to ever have a good relationship with SIL or others on that side. You're not the only woman that is pregnant and *shocker* there will be more pregnancies after yours!

Also, I'm 8 weeks (2 weeks behind you) so am I stealing your thunder too?!!?

alkvoelker · June 2012

You're 10 weeks ahead of her. She won't be stealing your thunder....

LavenderCupcake · June 2012

This is stealing your thunder:

Our friends got pregnant, and when the baby came his sister went a little nut-so. She went out and adopted a purse size dog, carried it around with her, and called it "her baby". She insisted her parents add pictures of her dog next to pictures of the baby.

OR, last December, youngest BIL got engaged, and announced their wedding date same night (this was the night they were telling friends at a party). Middle BIL's GF (Not fiance, gf) started telling anyone who would listen "NEXT summer? That's when I'M getting married!!!" and all the details of her not-announced wedding. Everyone was a little drunk, and I ended picking up youngest BIL's fiance off the floor (she was in tears).

Jenn0810 · June 2012

My sister and I were pregnant the same time and we really enjoyed it. Actually my other sister is pregnant right now (around 25 weeks) and I just found out. She is happy for me. My ex-SIL told us last spring that she was trying to have a baby- right before my baby was due. Well she got pregnant and said she wasn't going to tell anyone else (just our MIL and us) until after our baby was born because she didn't want to steal our spotlight with our first baby. We were literally due within that week. We were ok with that. Well....for some reason she decided to go ahead and tell people on Facebook the next day or so. I was pretty mad....but that ended in a m/c for her (she has 2 healthy twin girls now though- 2 months old). Before she m/c'ed I got over it though and was just excited and happy to meet my own little girl. It's really not as big a deal as one would think.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

You could try focusing on how awesome it will be for your LO to have a cousin close in age. You could also try not being a self-centered jerk, presuming the world revolves around you. It doesn't.

areadinger · June 2012

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I called my sister in law and begged her to get pregnant... lol. I grew up with a cousin who was the same age and it made my childhood so much more fun! Maybe that is what she was thinking? Then again, they already have a little girl and my parents aren't nearly as close to them...

I know how you feel though. I'm enjoying having all the attention with this pregnancy and I'd hate to have that taken from me. I don't think you're a horrible person but be prepared for some nasty comments. I've cut back on posting and asking questions because a lot of the women (especially the seasoned veterans) are down right mean.

NechamaChayim · June 2012

areadinger:
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I called my sister in law and begged her to get pregnant... lol. I grew up with a cousin who was the same age and it made my childhood so much more fun!

I informed my cousin last night that if this one sticks she's gotta get pregnant too. We're super close and we want our kids to be close. She said give her a year and she'll be ready (she has four step kids ranging from 11-19 years old...her husband is older than her).

spainy17 · June 2012

Maybe I am weird but I enjoy being pregnant with other people. It is such a blessing to be pregnant and I am so happy that I want others to be as happy as I am! Not to mention that it is great to have people to comiserate with, just like the others on these boards. It is fun and less scary doing this with people, at least I think it is... I don't think anyone can steal the joy of a baby...

Bride-hilda · June 2012

Congratulations on your own baby, & your future nephew or niece!

Shayliz · June 2012

How dare she try to get pregnant when someone else already is! She needs to wait her turn.

TofuMama7 · June 2012

KatieKarasin:

I think it's the hormones... She's allowed to get pregnant when she wants to, just like you. It doesn't make you a horrible person, just a little irrational.

This.

peytons mommy · June 2012

I'm the opposite. I WISH either of my SIL's would get pregnant. My DD has no one to play with at family events... I feel bad for her. I wish she had cousins to play with. I grew up (on both sides) with a bunch of cousins all similar in age for the most part... I LOVED IT!

I'm not saying you're a bad person, but you might want to look at the positives here... your LO will have a cousin to play with. My "thunder" means nothing to me.

ashdonne · June 2012

I think its quite silly to be upset over that. Her potential pregancy has nothing to do with yours---how would you feel if it were the other way around and you knew SIL felt that way about you TTC? I think its fun to have pregnancy buddies so if it were me I'd be thrilled.

Oh and sorry to steal your thunder but I'm expecting too. JK!

Alyssa102 · June 2012

I think it is your hormones. She is not trying to steal your thunder. If anything, she may think it is a great time to try, so you two can share in the experience and the cousins will be close in age.

With DD, my SIL announced she was preg 2 months after we did and her DD is now 2 months younger and mine and her DD are best friends. It is so cute to watch them together, I cannot wait until they are old enough for sleepovers.

beautifullife322 · June 2012

My situation is a little the same, but sort of different too. I was upset my SIL was stealing my thunder but I was also upset she was even having a child since she has a 3 almost 4 year old she abandoned here and moved out of state. Then she went behind my MIL's back after she gave her custody and took custody away giving it to her daughter's father's parents so we can never see her again and she wouldn't have to play mommy when she came to town.

Then to top if off MY sister announced yesterday she is 4 weeks. So SIL 9 weeks, Me 9 weeks and sister 4 weeks. Can't be too mad, too long. Not like any of us planned to hurt each other. Just think cousins will all be around the same age and cousins can be life long friends