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November 2011 Moms
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WWYD? (NBR)

valerieanne9015valerieanne9015
in November 2011 Moms

Little back story.  DH and I have had his mom and sister living with us on and off for the last 3 years and my mom lived with us a little over a year.  A few months before DD was born they all finally moved out (yay!).  Our moms ended up getting a place together. 

Well not long after they got a place MIL got back together with SFIL (for like the 6th time).  So SFIL and SBIL moved in with MIL and my mom, so they had to get a new, bigger place.  My mom hates it and feels very unwelcome now since the new place is their new home and she is only there until the city housing authority has an apartment open up, hopefully soon.  Well, my moms room is in the basement, which also flooded at their place because of the area flooding, so she is staying with me until she can get her room cleaned up and dry. DH told me he would be fine with my mom moving in while he's out of state, if I wanted her to for the extra help.  Problem is, my mom is a minor source of stress for me just based on the last few years.  I know it's not my job to take care of my mom, but if it's making her unhappy in the place she's at and I have room, I feel bad not asking her to live with us.   

So here's my question.  Would you ask your mom if she wanted to move back in until her application is accepted and she has a new place (in an undefined time period)?  Or, do you not do anything and let your mom stay in a place that she doesn't feel welcome in? 

I know this is an extremely personal decision, I would just like to get others perspectives. 

BFP #1 August 2007, Lost Nov 2007, no heartbeat found at anatomy ultrasound at 19 wks
BFP #2 March 2011, Baby Girl born November 2011!!!
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Re: WWYD? (NBR)

  • ddgrgirl23ddgrgirl23
    Do you mind saying why your Mom stresses you out? That would be the deciding factor for me. My first instinct is to offer to let her move in until her house is ready, but if shes going to drive you insane it's probably better for you and your LO if she doesn't. Babies can definitely feel stress and tension around them so I would be mindful of that.
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  • alyss0nlalyss0nl member
    I would ask her to move in until she can get her own place. I know for me, my mom has done so much for us and it would only be right for me.
    Married 02.06.10
    DS1 born 11.19.11
    DS2 born 07.02.14

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  • valerieanne9015valerieanne9015

    imageddgrgirl23:
    Do you mind saying why your Mom stresses you out? That would be the deciding factor for me. My first instinct is to offer to let her move in until her house is ready, but if shes going to drive you insane it's probably better for you and your LO if she doesn't. Babies can definitely feel stress and tension around them so I would be mindful of that.

    She has had depression issues on and off since she and my dad divorced when I was 13.  I always have this irrational feeling that it's my job to keep her happy. 

    BFP #1 August 2007, Lost Nov 2007, no heartbeat found at anatomy ultrasound at 19 wks
    BFP #2 March 2011, Baby Girl born November 2011!!!
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  • ddgrgirl23ddgrgirl23
    imagevalerieanne9015:

    imageddgrgirl23:
    Do you mind saying why your Mom stresses you out? That would be the deciding factor for me. My first instinct is to offer to let her move in until her house is ready, but if shes going to drive you insane it's probably better for you and your LO if she doesn't. Babies can definitely feel stress and tension around them so I would be mindful of that.

    She has had depression issues on and off since she and my dad divorced when I was 13.  I always have this irrational feeling that it's my job to keep her happy. 

    It's a tough one, but I would let her move in. While it's not your job to make sure she is happy, I think it's a normal feeling to want your parents to be happy. It seems like you could provide an easy solution to get her out of her current living situation and it could be beneficial for you too since your husband is out of state. I would get any concerns you have out in the open before she moves in though.

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  • Nwlywed07Nwlywed07 member

    To be honest, I couldn't imagine having my mom live with us. Like yours, she is more stress than I'd like for my child to be around and is a very depressed person as well. Even visits can be very stressful.

    I agree that it is normal to want your parents to be happy and to feel like we can make them happy. However, happiness is a state of mind and it isn't up to you to have to take care of your mom. You have a LO now that needs you and our parents are grownups who can take care of themselves (unless they are truly in need, like elderly and need help physically). I personally wouldn't do it but if you are willing to take on all the issues that go along with having a parent live with you then do it. Also what happens if her housing doesn't come through before your husband gets home? Just a thought. Good Luck on whatever you decide though.  

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