- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
December 2012 Moms
Khrysty289
member
At 8 months, he was not hitting milestones the way the other kids did, and his weight suggested he was 3 or 4 months old.
When we finally convinced the parents to start feeding "solids" around 8.5 months (Knowing what I know now, I think they may have had him on a baby led weaning schedule with which we should NOT have interfered) he rejected those too. The other caretakers were normally the ones to speak with the parents and would say things like "your child is behind the other children," "you are not feeding him properly," "his brain can't develop if he doesn't get enough food," etc. The parents got frustrated with us as a care facility and left. (and at the time I really thought we were helping, we were going by the guidelines set for us by whoever did our licensing, so I just assumed that there was only one way to feed your baby. Now I don't blame them a bit.)
I really wish I could catch up with them now and see how he's doing. He should be around 3 years old at this point. After his tongue was fixed, and he learned how to latch properly, it did seem like he was getting the hang of things. Those poor parents were doing everything right and we harassed the hell out of them. It's upsetting to think about.
That's a lot of background just to say this:
FI and I have been reading up on a lot of AP-type methods and are beginning to realize that, in a lot of ways, our parenting style will fall into this category. One of the things we're really excited about trying is being Baby Led Weaning.
Obviously, this little boy's issues weren't brought on by that method of feeding. Months and months of an improper latch is what led to his underweight/underdeveloped state and this has nothing to do with the fact that his parents didn't introduce cereals and baby foods at 3-5 months of age. But if that's what we, as nursery caretakers, all assumed, how will this method be received if FI and I, as parents, employ it with our child?
My mother already side-eyes us because we plan on BFing ("it's just so painful and unnecessary. And you have to be tied to your baby all the time!") and are really excited to try ECing from an early, early age ("there's no point to that, can't you just potty train your kid when he/she is two like everyone else?". I think she'd draw the line here and am not prepared, as an FTM to receive a "You're a horrible parent, you're going to damage your baby" speech from my own mom.
Any helpful thoughts/suggestions?
(AP XP) Baby Led Weaning - long
Khrysty289
member
So a few years ago, I was in charge of a nursery. One of the parents had a son who was about 3 months old when I met him. In the six months I cared for him, I noticed that his development was VERY slow, he was seriously underweight, and his parents seemed to have a "weird" philosophy on feeding.
At about 5 months old, the baby's pedi finally realized that he had never been latching properly because he was tongue-tied. He had the minor surgery to correct, but feeding him was still a chore. The poor boy was so used to it NOT working that he really did not enjoy feedings.At 8 months, he was not hitting milestones the way the other kids did, and his weight suggested he was 3 or 4 months old.
When we finally convinced the parents to start feeding "solids" around 8.5 months (Knowing what I know now, I think they may have had him on a baby led weaning schedule with which we should NOT have interfered) he rejected those too. The other caretakers were normally the ones to speak with the parents and would say things like "your child is behind the other children," "you are not feeding him properly," "his brain can't develop if he doesn't get enough food," etc. The parents got frustrated with us as a care facility and left. (and at the time I really thought we were helping, we were going by the guidelines set for us by whoever did our licensing, so I just assumed that there was only one way to feed your baby. Now I don't blame them a bit.)
I really wish I could catch up with them now and see how he's doing. He should be around 3 years old at this point. After his tongue was fixed, and he learned how to latch properly, it did seem like he was getting the hang of things. Those poor parents were doing everything right and we harassed the hell out of them. It's upsetting to think about.
That's a lot of background just to say this:
FI and I have been reading up on a lot of AP-type methods and are beginning to realize that, in a lot of ways, our parenting style will fall into this category. One of the things we're really excited about trying is being Baby Led Weaning.
Obviously, this little boy's issues weren't brought on by that method of feeding. Months and months of an improper latch is what led to his underweight/underdeveloped state and this has nothing to do with the fact that his parents didn't introduce cereals and baby foods at 3-5 months of age. But if that's what we, as nursery caretakers, all assumed, how will this method be received if FI and I, as parents, employ it with our child?
My mother already side-eyes us because we plan on BFing ("it's just so painful and unnecessary. And you have to be tied to your baby all the time!") and are really excited to try ECing from an early, early age ("there's no point to that, can't you just potty train your kid when he/she is two like everyone else?". I think she'd draw the line here and am not prepared, as an FTM to receive a "You're a horrible parent, you're going to damage your baby" speech from my own mom.
Any helpful thoughts/suggestions?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: (AP XP) Baby Led Weaning - long
I don't really have anything helpful to say, but I'm really interested in how EC works exactly. I'm not planning on doing it, but I would love to hear about how other people go about this.
On another note, DH and I aren't buying a crib. We are going to co-sleep for a bit and then try a Montessori floor bed. We are getting so much crap for it already. If you really want to do EC, then you just have to stick with your guns. It's really though, hearing so much negativity about your parenting choices.
Basically our plan is to nurse for as long as we can, but to not provide solid foods until AT LEAST 6 months of age. Absolutely no sooner. And this was what I did with my older two as well.
When we did start solids, we didn't just do the pureed crap from Gerber. We gave small pieces of soft foods like peas, mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, etc so that baby could learn to pick them up and feed himself. DD never liked the pureed foods and while DS would tolerate them, they much preferred to learn to feed themselves. Plus the both already had at least two teeth by the time we were doing this and most of the time, they'd smash the food between their fingers or on the highchair tray before eating them.
Avery - 8.2.07 | Asher - 5.12.10 | Audrey - 11.28.12
I don't see the point in buying baby food, honestly. I completely agree with not introducing solids until at least 6 months.
I don't know much about all this yet but I'm reading On Becoming Babywise and so far I really agree with what it's saying. My assistant is using it with her baby and said its working wonderful for them so that's why she recommended it to me.
As far as the BLW goes, there was also a discussion on the FB page. I personally think its funny that it's considered this new age method. Our parents and grandparents were all fed like this. The pur?e thing is relatively new. We did aspects of BLW with my daughter but never followed a strict method with her. I think instead of trying to be a certain type of parent you need to see what works for your child. My daughter was slow to pick up solids at first so giving her our meals wouldn't have worked as well for her at 6 months. But by 7 and 8 months, she was eating everything. So it worked for her then.
You need to do what's right for you and your child regardless of what others say. I think a lot of the comments you are mentioning from family seem to be from lack of understanding. I mean, you even admit that perhaps what these parents were trying to do seemed bad to you at the time (although I suspect there was more going on in that situation given he wasn't gaining at all). So sometimes it just takes education to understand the importance of BFing, EC, etc..
I completely agree. It's gross. And I'd rather make my own, but unfortunately I just don't have the time, or patience for it. We just avoid the puree crap as much as we can.
Avery - 8.2.07 | Asher - 5.12.10 | Audrey - 11.28.12
My son has never been spoon fed, never had a puree. I didn't even cut his food into tiny pieces. I have literally just given him whole pieces of food, like what I'm eating, since he was just about 6 months old. And we'll do the same with this baby. We actually got a Beaba as a shower gift, and returned it somewhat recently as I will never need to puree anything for my baby/babies (and as an aside, even if I wanted to puree things for them, I'd use an immersion blender or food processor, but ANYWAY...).
A few things I've noticed in reading your OP...for one thing, the AAP recommends that solids not be introduced at all, ever before 4 months (research "open gut"...I can't understand giving solids before 4 months *shudder*)....and most pediatricians these days will suggest 6 as a minimum. I know mine certainly did. He did want me to start with oatmeal or rice cereal, but I had done my research and knew it was uneccesary, so he started with whatever we were eating. He got his first tooth at almost 9 months old, but had tri-tip steak strips (not tiny pieces, but whole strips like two finger width by finger length) several times around 6 months old. All finger shaped foods - steamed carrots, broccoli, green beans, sweet potato fries...He can eat anything now, at almost 10 months. The only thing we've avoided is honey...he had peanut butter at 8 months, and now has it almost daily. We never limited eggs. At 7 months old, he devoured pasta & leafy beet greens. Etc...
Our daycare was very wise to BLWing philosophy, had read the book, and were ultra supportive (and they're very CYA...I had to have a pediatrician note to swaddle him, a pediatrician note to give milk besides BM or formula before a year, etc etc etc).
Despite the fact my son had only breastmilk until he was 5 1/2 months old, sitting unassisted, and reaching for our foods, and then only had solids that he physically fed TO HIMSELF from then on, he has been in the high 90%ile for weight since his 2 month well baby visit. He's a huge chunk, in 24 months/2T clothes already, at not quite 10 months.
The situation you described is very isolated and does not have ANYTHING to do with exclusively BFing a baby until 6 months and practicing BLWing for the introduction of solids.
Follow your motherly instincts and tell everyone else to piss off. Have you read the book Baby-Led Weaning? The book is very thorough and will basically give you the tools to answer any questions people have, assuming you do want a response other than "piss off" :P
Good luck
We plan on EBFing, ECing, and BLWing too.
There will always be people who get up in arms about things they are ignorant of, and assume they are bad. All you can do is try to gently educate them about why these things work for your family.
We'll also be unschooling. We have a few family members who are COMPLETELY bewildered about that. They'll live!
I had an experience that echos the family you're talking about (and found out after 3 babies, that how I fed/weaned had a name - BLW). My first husband left when my oldest was 10 days old - I was under an extreme amount of stress. DS nursed really well, and didn't completely wean until 2yr 9mo, but at 7 months was only 12lbs (8.5 at birth). He was SO tiny, but met all his milestones. He got plenty of nutrition, but due to stress, I had no milk fat, so he had no baby fat. People harassed the daylights our of me - friends, strangers, family.... I finally got to the point where I told people to back the hell off.
The reality is, we get to make parenting choices as we see fit. And, most people don't do it in a cavalier way or intending to harm their babies. One thing I have learned after parenting this long (oldest is about to turn 14) is that the majority of children turn out as fairly productive members of society, regardless of our parenting style/strategies. When asked by younger moms what they should do, I will always tend to lean toward AP methods, but I remind them that if they discover something that works better in their home/lifestyle then, go for it. And, I tell others who question people's parenting choices (even my own) that they get to butt-out. They got to choose how to raise their own children, and except for instances of abuse, they don't get an opinion about how others raise theirs.
I just want to say that we're pretty AP overall...it's just how I generally feel I parent when following my instincts.
We bed-share (won't be buying another crib), do PT EC, and BLWing, I'm still BFing #1, and am open to tandem feeding (b/c I want my son to dictate weaning), etc.
My MIL was not very supportive of my BFing. One of the first things she said when she found out I was pregnant was, "oooh, we can get you a Beaba!" She insisted I have an arms reach co-sleeper and even made a comment about "that way you won't roll over your baby at night." When my H told her our 7 month old had pooped in the potty, the look on her face was like, "for serious WTF?!"
But you know what? The proof is in the pudding.
She now will wax poetic about what a happy little guy we have, how comfortable and secure he seems with all sorts of people. She LOVES being able to feed him stuff off her own plate when we eat out, and loved seeing people's reactions to him eating big chunks of avocado at 7 months old. She recently watched him so my H and I could go on our first date night...when we got home, she told us she was about to put him in the bath and noticed him eyeing the potty, so she put him on it..."and HE PEED!! He totally GETS it!" She was so dang excited.
She left that visit giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me, "you're a good mama." And this is a woman who cried in the bathroom through my wedding reception. I'm not making that up.
So just parent the way you want to, and let your happy, secure child and your happy family be evidence to the nay-sayers that their way isn't the "only" way.
I always think of this too when people mention how I'll never get the baby out of my bed if I don't sleep train...sure, it might be several years from now, but I'm confident "never" is an exaggeration, so I just say, "oh yeah...we'll see!" and move on. In 5, 10, 20 years...it won't matter to them where my baby slept now...but it'll matter to me and to my baby that I parented the way that felt most natural to me.
Your post doesn't say anything about willing to BF your child until they're 4 or 5 years old, so I don't think it's quite AP to just want to BF them and allow them to ween when ready.
The guilt that your mother is placing on you is inexcusable in our time, but in her day, mothers were told that they were doing a terrible thing to BF--that formula was better for the baby. Nursing beyond 6 weeks was frowned upon severely. My mother was a member of the La Leche league, and so although this would have affected me, she nursed me until 9 months. This popular opinion came about because the new formula brands advertised this. Of course, nowadays, we KNOW that breast milk is best for baby. Study after study after study has shown the numerous advantages. From the lock-and-key specific immunity that you pass on to your baby, and on. It's beyond question, now. Babies still do get formula by parents' choice or by force of circumstance, and they do fine, but if it is at all possible and feasible, breast milk is best.
I only first understood AP when I was weening DD (at 12 months), and no other fluid seemed good enough. Our pedi gave us a scare about dairy, which I researched on my own and decided was a load of hooey. Other milks had even MORE calcium than dairy (which was his big beef), and juice has sugar. So... I empathized. But I got over it, and little by little DD stopped asking for me. I encouraged it, because we wanted to be able to have another baby and I wasn't ovulating. But I still cried the first night she went to sleep without asking for me.
We did blw. And skipped baby food, going straight to table food. All of my kids have been tongue tied. Both girls have had theirs clipped. Neither had feeding issues, just speech issues related to the problem.
Personally, I would have left your care center the minute my parenting decisions were questioned.
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
Me too. Although it can be hard to find a good one accepting new kids..
But also wanted to add, I have been very careful about what DD eats, especially before she was 1. I made ALL her food. Now, she can pretty much eat table food. I can't stand the idea of buying even organic food in a jar both for cost and environmental reasons. I have done the occasional pouch now and then, in a pinch, in all honesty, but by and large I support mothers making their OWN decisions about how to feed their baby.