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Miscarriage via medication - warning - graphic post.

Amy&Steve0421Amy&Steve0421 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

So I went in on Monday for my first appointment/ultrasound - and there was no heartbeat.  I choose to take medication and miscarry at home over a d&c.

I thought it would be more private - I would have most likely ended up w/an ob I never met before had I done a d&c (we have Kaiser).  And I wanted to avoid any possible complications from anesthia or scraping of the uterus.

 My doctor warned me there would be a lot of pain, a lot of blood, and that I would see the baby and need to collect it - so they can rule out a molar pregnancy.

I took the medication at 3:30 this afternoon and passed the baby around midnight.  It had these tiny, perfect little feet.

I woke my husband up and he confirmed it was the baby - and then he said he would stay up w/me and then he fell asleep on the couch - so I woke him up and sent him upstairs - it seems men really can sleep through anything.

It just reminds me of that scene in Steel Magnolias - when they decide to pull the plug and all the men leave the room - only the women remain behind.

I guess I'm just angry and I need someone to be angry at.  But how could he look at those tiny, little perfect feet and go back to sleep?

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Re: Miscarriage via medication - warning - graphic post.

  • rachelizzierachelizzie member

    Firstly, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My heart weeps for all of us.

    I took the same medication, but I made sure to take it in the morning so nothing would happen at night... My baby also had perfect little hands and feet. You'll never forget them, and neither will your husband. Men shut down when something hard comes along, and usually (at least with my FI) it means falling asleep. Even if he's not tired, if I bring up a hard subject or if I'm crying hard about something, he falls asleep 15-20 minutes after if we're in the bedroom. It's just their emotional response. Women's thought processes are a lot more complex and a lot more visual. The most important thing is not to be angry with him for it, because he is grieving in his own way. Don't think that he doesn't care if he doesn't talk about it. I made that mistake. His silence is him trying to stay strong for you.

    T&P and **hugs**

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  • Amy&Steve0421Amy&Steve0421 member
    imagerachelizzie:

    Firstly, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My heart weeps for all of us.

    I took the same medication, but I made sure to take it in the morning so nothing would happen at night... My baby also had perfect little hands and feet. You'll never forget them, and neither will your husband. Men shut down when something hard comes along, and usually (at least with my FI) it means falling asleep. Even if he's not tired, if I bring up a hard subject or if I'm crying hard about something, he falls asleep 15-20 minutes after if we're in the bedroom. It's just their emotional response. Women's thought processes are a lot more complex and a lot more visual. The most important thing is not to be angry with him for it, because he is grieving in his own way. Don't think that he doesn't care if he doesn't talk about it. I made that mistake. His silence is him trying to stay strong for you.

    T&P and **hugs**

    This was really helpful to read.  Thank you.

    And just an fyi - I took it at night so I wouldn't miscarry while trying to handle my toddler during the day.  But I do agree - during the day is probably best if it is an option.

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  • rachelizzierachelizzie member
    imageAmy&Steve0421:
    imagerachelizzie:

    Firstly, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My heart weeps for all of us.

    I took the same medication, but I made sure to take it in the morning so nothing would happen at night... My baby also had perfect little hands and feet. You'll never forget them, and neither will your husband. Men shut down when something hard comes along, and usually (at least with my FI) it means falling asleep. Even if he's not tired, if I bring up a hard subject or if I'm crying hard about something, he falls asleep 15-20 minutes after if we're in the bedroom. It's just their emotional response. Women's thought processes are a lot more complex and a lot more visual. The most important thing is not to be angry with him for it, because he is grieving in his own way. Don't think that he doesn't care if he doesn't talk about it. I made that mistake. His silence is him trying to stay strong for you.

    T&P and **hugs**

    This was really helpful to read.  Thank you.

    And just an fyi - I took it at night so I wouldn't miscarry while trying to handle my toddler during the day.  But I do agree - during the day is probably best if it is an option.



    This makes total sense, I understand why you would time it that way. Mine was my first pregnancy, and I was alone most of the time because FI knows better than to fuss over me when I'm in excruciating pain. He just played gopher and came if I called for him.
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  • mgh2008mgh2008 member
    I am so sorry.  That must have been very hard for you.  ((hugs))
    BFP #1- 12/3/09, EDD- 8/7/10, Missed M/C at 8 weeks & D&C- 1/5/10, BFP #2- July 2010, Baby Charlie Born March 29, 2011, BFP #3- 4/12/12- EDD- 12/21/12, Missed M/C at 10 1/2 weeks 5/29/12, D&C 6/1/12- testing results showed triploidy, IF testing all normal, February 2013- IUI#1, femara, follistim, trigger =BFN, March 2013- IUI#2, femara, follistim, trigger= BFP #4, 3/20/12, Beta#1 16dpo= 397, Beta #2 18dpo= 1037, Beta#3 24dpo= 11,589- EDD 11/30/13- It's a Girl!!! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
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  • BrittKavBrittKav member
    I'm so sorry. I took the medication too but my baby never grew past a fetal pole so I didn't see him/her. That must have been so hard.
    Anneliese Olive 11/5/09
    Hazel Dianna 1/8/11
    Luna Valentine 4/25/13


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  • DaisyZHDaisyZH member

    I'm so so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through that.  I completely get what you are saying regarding him going back to sleep - my situation was in no way as severe as yours but I started bleeding in the middle of the night and was crying hysterically.  My DH hugged me and patted my back ... until he fell asleep. 

    I have no idea why they are like this, I mean I understand that we actually carry our babies so we feel loss more deeply (and btw I know not all guys are like this, there are some guys that are just as devastated as their partners) but seriously, like you said how can you look at perfect little feet and go back to bed. 

    I'm so sorry (( Hugs ))


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  • meheron80meheron80
    I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine actually holding the precious child I was suppose to have.  I was only 5 1/2 weeks so there was nothing more then a few clots.  I am sorry. 
    2nd EDD 02/01/13 - MC 5 1/2 weeks 6/5/12. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
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  • HoolahZingerHoolahZinger member
    Gosh, I can't even imaging going through such a heartbreaking visual. I'm so sorry. My DH is also a super sleeper. I can't blame him. Shutting down is the way he copes with grief so I can't hang it over his head. But I understand that it feels so lonely and frustrating that they can just go back to bed. I'm just really sorry about your loss
    imageimage
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    EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

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  • Amy&Steve0421Amy&Steve0421 member

    I appreciate everyone's kind words.

    I ended up putting the remains in the lake near our house - it just felt like a gentle way to release it - and the baby should have been surrounded by amniotic fluid - but could not be - so I felt the water was a good substitute.

    I'm doing ok - and I know we will move through this.

    And I also just wanted to say to those reading this who lost a first pregnency - that I had a miscarriage and infertility before we had our toddler - I know how it stings to have a loss and wonder if you will ever be a parent - I send my thoughts and prayers to all of you that you will find your way to peace.

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