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Attachment Parenting
mtbmama
member
difference between crying and CIO
mtbmama
member
Hi everyone! I have never posted here, or if I did it was a couple years ago about a carrier, but I thought this would be a good place to ask this question. And I apologize in advance if it's a stupid question or makes no sense!
I have a two month old and a two year old. Because I have to tend to my toddler throughout the day, sometimes my baby is left to cry. In actuality it's likely never more than a few minutes, but it feels like an ETERNITY to me! I hate, hate, hate hearing her cry, but there are times throughout the day when I just cant get to her since I am preoccupied with #1. I try to carry the baby in the carrier to get stuff done when I can, but sometimes she's not a fan of it. Also we've had a hard time getting out with the heat, so I can't even put her in there to take her outside to calm her and to keep DD1 occupied. Anyway, long story short, is the damage done from CIO different from crying when you just cant physically tend to them right away any different? I've got it in my head that I am somehow letting her down/damaging her with the crying that she does do. Im guessing that with CIO, they mean extended amounts of crying with no one doing any sort of soothing?
It also really bothers me that I can't give her the same one on one care that I was able to do with DD1 for obvious reasons. How do you second time moms feel and how do you cope with two or more? I hate feeling like both girls are getting ripped off! My husband kind of thinks I am too sensitive about it and making a big deal out of the fact she does have to cry at times.
TIA! 
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Re: difference between crying and CIO
Every non-firstborn person in the world would be terribly damaged if a few minutes of crying was truly harmful.
I think I'm pretty okay, all things considered.
No one can live up to first baby standards with subsequent babies. Something has to give.
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LOL, good. Thats what I need to hear! I think my stupid hormones are still playing a part in my skewed thinking and driving me a little batty.
yeah, you are there and not neglecting her - you just cant get to her right away. It seems similar to a car seat crier - I would just try to talk her her or some thing so that she knows you are around and she is not alone.
I am a second child and I'm sure I had to cry quite a bit - I think I turned out fine.
I think really the concern with CIO is longer crying that is never attended too - resulting in feelings of abandonment. That's not what is happening with your LO.
I just have 1 baby and sometimes she cries if I can't get her right away. Like yesterday, we were driving home from the airport and she was bawling, she was sooo done with traveling but I couldn't take her out. I reached back to rub her head and sing to her, but she cried for most of our 30-minute trip. Or sometimes I have to finish a load of laundry or go ot the bathroom and she starts crying. I just try to call her name and let her know I haven't left her, but there are times when I just cannot pick her up right away.
It's going to happen. What helps for me is keeping her in a central part of the house where she can see me in almost any room, and where I can talk to her if I'm out of eye sight.
Thank you everyone for making me feel better. My rational mind tells me all that, but then I think I read into things too much and reason goes out the window!