Vaccination Controversy

mrsshawnavanb · June 2012

I will try to keep this from getting too long to read. First, a quick background...DH and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3 this September. Prior to having a baby, I thought we had talked about everything that we wanted for our future. We both wanted 2-3 kids, to own a home on a few acres, etc.

I made the 2 month checkup for DD and she is scheduled to have quite a few vaccines that day. I told him when she'd be going and he said that he did not want her vaccinated and started to explain to me the risks, and the concerns that he had. At first I felt shocked and that it was crazy to even consider not vaccinating your children.I did some research and read the articles that he sent to me. We have been arguing now for over a week and we usually rarely argue. We have gotten no where in all of our arguing. He says that the risks outweigh the benefit and that if she is exposed to bacteria/disease her immune system will naturally fight it. I keep pointing out the terrible risks of some of the diseases, such as paralysis with polio, and death in severe cases of many of the diseases. He tells me that my decision is driven by fear (which I agree with, I could not ever forgive myself if something happened to our LO) and that I should be fearful of autism, seizures and death that has resulted in some cases after children have been vaccinated. Last night after our latest argument, he told me to do what I want, but that if something happens to her, he swears he will leave me. Indifferent

I thought I would ask fellow bumpies to weigh in on this issue. You can find a plethora of information and articles both supporting vaccines and speaking out against them. TIA for your input.

wheelsonthebus · June 2012

I see validity in both sides. I really do. Perhaps a compromise? Maybe he will agree to SOME vaccines...polio etc. Maybe you can pass on flu, rotavirus, chicken pox?

winter-shock · June 2012

We vaccinated DD1 and will do DD2 as well. BTW the Autism studies were recanted(i think thats the right word). Just last year a whole bunch of stuff came out about how the studies by the doctor who claimed it were not done right. And when other doctors tried to mimic the tests to get the same results no one was able to.

lindy27 · June 2012

The benefits of the vaccines far outweigh the risks. I would consider skipping the flu and chicken pox ones as unless your LO has a sickness they will be able to fight those off themselves.

In 1952 in a single epidemic of polio in the US, over 3000 died and over 20000 disabled. In 2010 there was only 1352 reported cases in the world. Without the vaccine that small amount of cases would never be possible and vaccines don't work like they should unless all children have them.

If your husband is willing to leave you over that, I think you have could have other issues. What if you got in an car accident and she got hurt? Or you tripped and dropped her?

elviebird · June 2012

This could open a huge can of worms...

I am very pro-vaccine f or all the reasons PP stated. Vaccines only work if everyone gets them, barring the individuals who may have adverse reactions who legitimately can't get vaccinated. They are only protected because everyone else around them is. And also, the autism study was found to have some serious flaws That undermine its validity. The benefits outweigh the risks, IMO.

becketts · June 2012

elviebird:
This could open a huge can of worms...
I am very pro-vaccine f or all the reasons PP stated. Vaccines only work if everyone gets them, barring the individuals who may have adverse reactions who legitimately can't get vaccinated. They are only protected because everyone else around them is. And also, the autism study was found to have some serious flaws That undermine its validity. The benefits outweigh the risks, IMO.

Ditto. I don't care if people get the flu shot or chicken pox vaccine, but the big ones are too important to skip.

mrsshawnavanb · June 2012

lindy27:

The benefits of the vaccines far outweigh the risks. I would consider skipping the flu and chicken pox ones as unless your LO has a sickness they will be able to fight those off themselves.

In 1952 in a single epidemic of polio in the US, over 3000 died and over 20000 disabled. In 2010 there was only 1352 reported cases in the world. Without the vaccine that small amount of cases would never be possible and vaccines don't work like they should unless all children have them.

If your husband is willing to leave you over that, I think you have could have other issues. What if you got in an car accident and she got hurt? Or you tripped and dropped her?

An accident is something different in his mind. He believes that the reported cases of seizures, SIDS, autism etc after a child being vaccinated are all the proof he needs to not put his child in harms way. I know that in his heart he has her best interest in mind it just sucks that after all these years there is something so very important that we don't see eye to eye on. It's something that I never even thought of discussing prior to having children. Overall we have a very strong relationship but we both feel very strongly about this and there's not much room to compromise. I did suggest choosing which vaccines she gets and also a delayed schedule but he is adamant about NO vaccines.

stemms8810 · June 2012

Firstly, sorry your husband and yourself are arguing about this.

Secondly, I would be pissed if my husband threatened to leave me if our child got sick or a disorder from being RESPONSIBLE and vaccinating our child. Sounds like there are more issues here than whether or not to get your child vaccinated. In that case you should leave him if your child contracts a disease that could be prevented and possibly spreading it to others.

I'm sorry but get your kid vaccinated. Oh my god.

benz2010 · June 2012

I've never thought twice about the vaccines. If they weren't necessary, they wouldn't offer them. The only thing that bothers me is 4 pokes in their tiny little thighs

I don't even like 1 poke myself. The kids I know that their parents were very against vaccines are the kids that are ALWAYS sick, runny nose constantly, but parents don't believe in going to the doctor and think adjustment will solve all...well it hasn't yet...

DrRx · June 2012

The likelihood of her getting a serious reaction or problem from the vaccine is very low, that I highly doubt he will ever leave you since nothing serious will probably happen. And then, if something does happen and he leaves, he's an a**hole and doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway.

Think about the millions and millions of children who get vaccines--if they were all dying and having seizures, don't you think you would hear about it? Oh, and when it comes time to start school most districts (if not all) will not allow your child to attend.

stemms8810 · June 2012

DrRx:

The likelihood of her getting a serious reaction or problem from the vaccine is very low, that I highly doubt he will ever leave you since nothing serious will probably happen. And then, if something does happen and he leaves, he's an a**hole and doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway.

Think about the millions and millions of children who get vaccines--if they were all dying and having seizures, don't you think you would hear about it? Oh, and when it comes time to start school most districts (if not all) will not allow your child to attend.

This. And daycares and pre-schools usually require proof of vaccines as well. You and your husband should research this in your area but I bet all these things require up to date vaccines.

gatogrrl · June 2012

mrsshawnavanb:
An accident is something different in his mind. He believes that the reported cases of seizures, SIDS, autism etc after a child being vaccinated are all the proof he needs to not put his child in harms way. I know that in his heart he has her best interest in mind it just sucks that after all these years there is something so very important that we don't see eye to eye on. It's something that I never even thought of discussing prior to having children. Overall we have a very strong relationship but we both feel very strongly about this and there's not much room to compromise. I did suggest choosing which vaccines she gets and also a delayed schedule but he is adamant about NO vaccines.

SIDS and autism do happen after vaccines, but there has been absolutely no legitimate study showing a causal link between vaccines and autism or SIDS. These thing just happen, whether your child is vaccinated or not. In fact, there has been a study showing that unvaccinated kids get autism at the same rate as vaccinated kids.

Vaccines only work 90% of the time. Our children rely on herd immunity to protect the 10% for whom a certain vaccine doesn't work (if everyone is vaccinated, diseases don't have a chance to spread to these kids). For that reason, I would never let my kid play with a child who wasn't fully vaccinated.

Chelsey68 · June 2012

So first off ive done zero research on this subject, but im with you about being scared what could happen if you don't get the vaccinations. And im with everyone else on saying that chicken pox and flu shots arent that big of a deal if you skip them.

I also understand how hard it is to be fighting on a subject you both stand serious grounds on. My husband has gone days without talking to me over fights like this one. I hope the two of you can come to some sort of compromise.

jlsweets · June 2012

DrRx:

The likelihood of her getting a serious reaction or problem from the vaccine is very low, that I highly doubt he will ever leave you since nothing serious will probably happen. And then, if something does happen and he leaves, he's an a**hole and doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway.

Think about the millions and millions of children who get vaccines--if they were all dying and having seizures, don't you think you would hear about it? Oh, and when it comes time to start school most districts (if not all) will not allow your child to attend.

I agree with this...you and your husband should be a team..you will not always agree on every decision you have in life but that is part of a marriage..for him saying he would leave you if something happened to her is pretty disgraceful..I'd be really upset by that...There will be more tough decisions that will come up in life that you didnt cover before marriage and one person will have to compromise, but at the end of the day the other person needs to respect the decision made and stand together on that decision. Good luck I hope this issue resolves for you soon!

jessicabrennan21 · June 2012

stemms8810:
DrRx:

The likelihood of her getting a serious reaction or problem from the vaccine is very low, that I highly doubt he will ever leave you since nothing serious will probably happen. And then, if something does happen and he leaves, he's an a**hole and doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway.

Think about the millions and millions of children who get vaccines--if they were all dying and having seizures, don't you think you would hear about it? Oh, and when it comes time to start school most districts (if not all) will not allow your child to attend.

This. And daycares and pre-schools usually require proof of vaccines as well. You and your husband should research this in your area but I bet all these things require up to date vaccines.

All of this...and as far as I know your child won't be able to enroll in college unless vaccinated. I graduated from the University of South Florida in Tampa and I remember it being hassel enrolling because I had miss-placed my vaccination records...Thankfully I was able to find them and sign up for classes. Not sure if every college requires this..but it is something to look into.

mrsshawnavanb · June 2012

stemms8810:
DrRx:

The likelihood of her getting a serious reaction or problem from the vaccine is very low, that I highly doubt he will ever leave you since nothing serious will probably happen. And then, if something does happen and he leaves, he's an a**hole and doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway.

Think about the millions and millions of children who get vaccines--if they were all dying and having seizures, don't you think you would hear about it? Oh, and when it comes time to start school most districts (if not all) will not allow your child to attend.

This. And daycares and pre-schools usually require proof of vaccines as well. You and your husband should research this in your area but I bet all these things require up to date vaccines.

We have looked into this. In Indiana you are allowed to file a religious exemption for daycares and schools. She attends a christian ministry daycare so they are fine with it. Problem is, I'm still not.

mrsshawnavanb · June 2012

Chelsey68:

So first off ive done zero research on this subject, but im with you about being scared what could happen if you don't get the vaccinations. And im with everyone else on saying that chicken pox and flu shots arent that big of a deal if you skip them.

I also understand how hard it is to be fighting on a subject you both stand serious grounds on. My husband has gone days without talking to me over fights like this one. I hope the two of you can come to some sort of compromise.

Thanks so much. It is hard. I feel like each night just brings on more arguing and it's terrible. I keep trying to remind myself that we're only arguing because we both want to protect our precious little baby but the fact that we have completely different opinions on how to do that is so frustrating.

pithikaki · June 2012

Chelsey68:

So first off ive done zero research on this subject, but im with you about being scared what could happen if you don't get the vaccinations. And im with everyone else on saying that chicken pox and flu shots arent that big of a deal if you skip them.

I also understand how hard it is to be fighting on a subject you both stand serious grounds on. My husband has gone days without talking to me over fights like this one. I hope the two of you can come to some sort of compromise.

What Chelsey and others have said exactly. I live in the burbs now but I grew up in NYC, and the vaccines are so important to protect you from other people. It just takes one unhygienic person to go around spreading something - something our bodies are NOT meant to be able to fight off unless they've been "prepped" with vaccines, especially if it's become a resilient strain.

Maybe you can try to sit down with hubby and really go through all of the material he's been reading. There's a lot of fluff everywhere, especially when it comes to these sorts of topics. It might also be helpful to have him talk to your pediatrician - what are his thoughts? Maybe you can agree to go to the appointment together as a family and discuss his concerns with the doctor; maybe he will agree to let a medical professional decide what is best for her.

I'm fortunate (or unfortunate? lol) enough that me and DH practically share a brain so we rarely argue over important stuff, but I do know one thing: Stubborn husbands will hold out and be bulls, even if they realize they are wrong, if they feel like they have to admit that you are right. Maybe you can make it a joint decision (ok, let him come up with the idea himself, lol) to vaccinate/skip certain shots like the flu and pox, as others have said, rather than it be what YOU want. This is rough, but you both love your LO; it will be okay.

FyreFlyeRush · June 2012

gatogrrl:
mrsshawnavanb:
An accident is something different in his mind. He believes that the reported cases of seizures, SIDS, autism etc after a child being vaccinated are all the proof he needs to not put his child in harms way. I know that in his heart he has her best interest in mind it just sucks that after all these years there is something so very important that we don't see eye to eye on. It's something that I never even thought of discussing prior to having children. Overall we have a very strong relationship but we both feel very strongly about this and there's not much room to compromise. I did suggest choosing which vaccines she gets and also a delayed schedule but he is adamant about NO vaccines.
SIDS and autism do happen after vaccines, but there has been absolutely no legitimate study showing a causal link between vaccines and autism or SIDS. These thing just happen, whether your child is vaccinated or not. In fact, there has been a study showing that unvaccinated kids get autism at the same rate as vaccinated kids.
Vaccines only work 90% of the time. Our children rely on herd immunity to protect the 10% for whom a certain vaccine doesn't work (if everyone is vaccinated, diseases don't have a chance to spread to these kids). For that reason, I would never let my kid play with a child who wasn't fully vaccinated.

And, unvaccinated children are also slightly more likely to succumb to SIDS...remember me, SIDS soapboxer!!!

bornmommy · June 2012

Have you talked to him about an alternative vaccine schedule? Our biggest concern is the reaction dS could have reactions to the shots so we are getting all the vaccines but spreading them out a little more. It means more visits to the pedi but it piece of mind for us...

I pretty much agree with PPs though. Vaccines are important and I think every child should be fully vaccinated.

Mrs.Deputy · June 2012

Google "the sound of pertussis" and listen to those children struggle to breathe. Maybe your husband will change his mind.

gervaisj6 · June 2012

I don't know where you live, but most daycares wont take them unless they have been vaccinated. At my pedi's practice the will not allow you to refuse vaccinations and still be a patient there. Lots of drs are doing that.

k8edgerton · June 2012

I think that it the risks of not getting vaccinated out weigh getting them done.

Perhaps he should read something more than just a few biased articles... To me articles tend to be swayed for or against something. So, if he is looking for validity to not get vaccines -- he can easily find articles to support that.

With that being said -- but a non biased book that gives you the facts about each vaccine straight up. I read The Vaccine Book, which had very good "neutral" information about vaccines.

Also, perhaps you and your hubby could go into the pediatrician before the appointment to talk with the doctor. I think they would be willing to do that because having your child vaccinated is in the best interest of the public.

What if something happens to her because she was not vaccinated? Has he thought of that?

mrsshawnavanb · June 2012

k8edgerton:

I think that it the risks of not getting vaccinated out weigh getting them done.

Perhaps he should read something more than just a few biased articles... To me articles tend to be swayed for or against something. So, if he is looking for validity to not get vaccines -- he can easily find articles to support that.

With that being said -- but a non biased book that gives you the facts about each vaccine straight up. I read The Vaccine Book, which had very good "neutral" information about vaccines.

Also, perhaps you and your hubby could go into the pediatrician before the appointment to talk with the doctor. I think they would be willing to do that because having your child vaccinated is in the best interest of the public.

What if something happens to her because she was not vaccinated? Has he thought of that?

I asked him that, he said that guilt trips dont work on him and that the chance that she'll get one of these diseases is small. Believe me, you all have valid points and there is not one comment on here so far that I haven't already brought up in our week of arguing. I've tried everything and I am just not getting through to him. Yesterday, I called his mom and asked her to please talk to him. I don't think that will make a difference either, but it's worth a shot.

sandrajean09 · June 2012

I'm sorry you and your H are arguing about this. The benefits definitely outweigh the risks, in my opinion. There are some that DD won't have, like chicken pox and the flu vaccine, but the serious ones she will get. My ped and I have talked about it and he's willing to do a couple a month rather than 4-5 every couple, though. The fewer pricks she gets at a time, the better, I feel. She had low blood sugar and an unnecessary biilirubin blood draw in the hospital and that was traumatic enough for both of us.

easjer05 · June 2012

I would see if DH is willing to meet with your pediatrician to discuss this (I'm shocked it didn't come up when interviewing peds). Then he has a presumably educated, reputable source to discuss this with.

My pediatrician will not do anything other than standard vaccination schedule. And he and his partner will not allow you to continue as patients. It is probably worth checking into for yourselves.

Sherbet Lemon · June 2012

mrsshawnavanb:
k8edgerton:

I think that it the risks of not getting vaccinated out weigh getting them done.

Perhaps he should read something more than just a few biased articles... To me articles tend to be swayed for or against something. So, if he is looking for validity to not get vaccines -- he can easily find articles to support that.

With that being said -- but a non biased book that gives you the facts about each vaccine straight up. I read The Vaccine Book, which had very good "neutral" information about vaccines.

Also, perhaps you and your hubby could go into the pediatrician before the appointment to talk with the doctor. I think they would be willing to do that because having your child vaccinated is in the best interest of the public.

What if something happens to her because she was not vaccinated? Has he thought of that?

I asked him that, he said that guilt trips dont work on him and that the chance that she'll get one of these diseases is small. Believe me, you all have valid points and there is not one comment on here so far that I haven't already brought up in our week of arguing. I've tried everything and I am just not getting through to him. Yesterday, I called his mom and asked her to please talk to him. I don't think that will make a difference either, but it's worth a shot.

Hmm And yet he's using a guilt trip on you to try to get you to not vaccinate? Ugh.

1) The chances of her getting one of those diseases is higher than the chance that the vaccine will cause problems.

2) The link between vaccines and autism and other problems isn't causal, and according to my pediatrician is coincidental because the signs of autism don't show up until several months after birth (at the earliest) so it's just convenient for people to blame it on the vaccines that happened around the same time.

See if he can go with you to the pediatrician and have him/her talk some sense into your husband. I'm sorry he's fighting you so much on this... my DH was leery of vaccines because of the rumored autism link, but he WAS willing to listen to me and the doctor and was pretty quickly convinced that vaccination was the right thing to do.

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