I just want to be able to eat lunch...

NiniJB · June 2012

I love AP. I love breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing. I love having my baby with me all the time. But, I feel like recently I cannot put him down, even for a few minutes. He naps on me, sleeps on me at night, and while he will smile and laugh and play when I put him down if I am interacting with him, if I leave or even turn away he freaks out. I usually am only away from him for a couple hours every few weeks, but I feel like he's worried I'm going to leave him. I know he is only 4 months old, and I don't believe I can spoil a 4 month old baby with love and attention, but I also want to be able to eat and shower occasionally without having him come to pieces. We are also planning on transitioning him into his own bed in his own room when we move in a few weeks (I don't want to stop co-sleeping, but DH does) but I don't see that happening at all. He wakes up almost immediately if he doesn't feel me right next to him.

I didn't think I could mess up if I was just doing what I felt like was right, but now I'm not so sure. I want to raise a happy, independent child who knows they are loved and taken care of, but I also know I will go crazy if I never have time to myself. Any suggestions?

danienross · June 2012

Yikes that's a rough place to be. Those first few months can be overwhelming.

I would work on naps first before jacking with nighttime sleep. If you could get LO to nap in his crib so you could eat/shower/do whatever in peace then the rest won't feel so crazy.

I'm always leery of messing with nighttime sleep if things are going well. Of course DD sleep regressed around 5mos so I wish I had appreciated the 4mos of STTN before that happened. I'd talk with DH and figure out exactly why he doesn't want to co-sleep anymore and see if you can reach a compromise.

Also is it possible to set up the crib in your room at first so you can have your own space but LO still be close?

Other than that I'm not sure i have any advice to offer. Hopefully someone else can/will chime in.

tokenhoser · June 2012

Have you tried the "baby holding" devices rather than just putting him down? DS was happier in a vibrating seat than still. Some babies LOVE a swing. These things aren't the enemy if they get you a bit of space when you need it. DS liked being in the bathroom when I showered because of all the white noise (fan and water), so he came in the room with me either in his seat or just on a towel.

I've been sleeping in another room with the baby pretty much since he was born. It works for us. DH needed to go to work and I didn't, so I saw no point in waking him and me up all the time.

At 4 months, he's old enough for back carries which I also found helped a lot. I could do more things and felt less stifled when I could put him on my back.

blu-eyedwife · June 2012

tokenhoser:

Have you tried the "baby holding" devices rather than just putting him down? DS was happier in a vibrating seat than still. Some babies LOVE a swing. These things aren't the enemy if they get you a bit of space when you need it. DS liked being in the bathroom when I showered because of all the white noise (fan and water), so he came in the room with me either in his seat or just on a towel.

The bouncer was (and still is) the way I could guarantee a daily shower. I'd bring it in the bathroom with me and he'd sit there while I showered. He seemed to be fine as long as he could see me for a fairly good amount of time (long enough to shower and blow dry my hair).

Around 3 months is when I started transitioning him off of sleeping on me during naps. It took a while - 5 weeks before he was sleeping in the crib during naps, but then I was able to eat while he slept and get a little more done around the house.

MegM2012 · June 2012

Wow I am in the same boat. My little man has to be held for naps and most night time sleep as well. I try putting him in his pnp for naps but he wakes right up whereas if I hold him he sleeps an hour or two. I think we just have to keep trying though I feel like that means more hard work. Five weeks sounds like a long time to keep trying them in their cribs but I will probably start one of these days. Let me know if you find a great solution. Those baby holding vibrating devices don't work for my 4 month old as he won't sleep on his back.

SandiaPinaMama · June 2012

For me, I found that I was absolutely unwilling to do something that would force LO to cry (as in, put him in his crib and go take a shower while he cried).

I took most of my showers in the evening after DH got home, which gave them about 20 minutes of father-son time, which was just about all DH was comfortable with until around 6 months or so. I also occasionally showered at my mom's, and she held him. Later, I started showering in the AM before LO got up, and sometimes I shower late at night after he is in bed, although at that age, he wasn't "down" for the night until around 11 pm.

Don't forget that this will pass. We spent a very long time in the beginning in this boat. About the time that they start crawling, they become LOTS more independent in a big hurry. Today I realized that he doesn't really want to snuggle with me at all.

NiniJB · June 2012

Thanks ladies. I have been trying today to lay him in my bed after he falls asleep, and while it took about an hour for him to stay asleep for his afternoon nap, I was eventually successful, and he was so tired by that point he slept for an hour and half there, which was a big success. I was able to lay him down again for a short evening nap, and he didn't even scream when he woke up and realized I wasn't next to him. I think as long as I continue to be consistent he will understand that I am always right there, and its ok to sleep other places. Its nice to know I'm not alone though. I'm sure in a few months I will be wishing he would sleep on me.

mrst-tobe · June 2012

I could have written this myself! Every word! Just wanted to say I am right there with ya!

SoxFan777 · June 2012

watermelon mom:

For me, I found that I was absolutely unwilling to do something that would force LO to cry (as in, put him in his crib and go take a shower while he cried).

I took most of my showers in the evening after DH got home, which gave them about 20 minutes of father-son time, which was just about all DH was comfortable with until around 6 months or so. I also occasionally showered at my mom's, and she held him. Later, I started showering in the AM before LO got up, and sometimes I shower late at night after he is in bed, although at that age, he wasn't "down" for the night until around 11 pm.

HA! This is me... I have skipped many a shower, but I still manage to live a healthy and happy life. It works for us.

boogerbearoriginal · June 2012

At 4m LO really liked to nap on me, and was only taking 30min maybe 1hr naps throughout the day. By 6m things got so much easier, he would stay asleep after being put down and was sleeping longer and more regularly. I remember reading posts about people having 3m old LOs napping for 2-3hrs and thinking why can't my baby sleep longer and not on my lap?! But now he prefers to sleep on the bed where he can stretch out and wiggle - sometimes I miss the cuddles lol.

Ditto PP - try a swing or bouncer seat. My LO loved the swing, it was a great place to put him while I showered, prepped dinner, etc. I'd just take him/swing into the room I was in and he was happy to be with me. He'd nap in there sometimes too. I called it Robot Mommy lol.

Also let H take over for 20mins whenever works best for your schedules and get a shower/alone time. LO may cry if he sees you, but he's in the arms of his father, it's ok. And likely will stop as soon as you get out of sight.

TBH I found the period between 3-5m to be the hardest thus far. Once he started sitting independently at 5m things got markedly better during the day, and it coincided with a more regular sleep/nap schedule. Things do improve!

Want a personalized experience?

I just want to be able to eat lunch...

Re: I just want to be able to eat lunch...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards