If your husband has a high stress job and works a lot of hours

rach10782 · June 2012

does he shut his brain off over the weekend? I know that my husband works incredibly hard and deals with a ton of stress during the workweek which is why my expectations of him are very low on the weekends. I want him to be able to wind down and enjoy himself. However I don't feel like I am asking too much by wanting him to listen to me and engage a little more. It is incredible how the man can literally turn his brain off from Friday evening until Monday morning. It drives me insane feeling like I am taking care of him as well as my son.

3lilbeans · June 2012

I have come to expect that a part of my husband will always be working. Whether it is the weekend or during a vacation, part of him is working. When I get frustrated I remind myself that it is his job that provides for all of us & without his hard work I would not be able to stay home & our life style would have to drastically change.

kas80 · June 2012

We had to have a discussion about this. I think it's understandable and totally okay for him to have alone/downtime for part of the weekend as long as he takes some time to be with us too. He wasn't doing that which wasn't okay.

If it's bothering you, talk to him about it.

Vine07 · June 2012

I can totally relate. My DH works a ton of hours during the week and also at times on the weekend. He also does an overnight shift one night a week and his day off is the following day and he usually is completely shut off...in one aspect I can't blame him because he's exhausted from work but on the other hand it is his day off and I'd like him to be somewhat "on". He also has a very stressful job so even when he does have days off he is still thinking about work which is frustrating but expected. You're not alone!

eaglesfan700 · June 2012

I don't know that he is ever truly shut down - the Blackberry is never far out of his reach.

But I am not complaining, he does engage when we are doing something as a family. He also does a lot of yard work - which he enjoys doing, but it also gives him time to decompress and think about some work stuff.

We try to do date nights at least once a month and I have found that he is able to loosen up and talk more freely about what is happening, and also ask about what is going on with me (and really listen to my answers). I really believe that being out of the house and away from the kids just for a few hours is very conducive to good conversation (for us, anyway)

Andrewsgal · June 2012

My husband works a lot, and no he does not shut down when he is home.

notreallyirish · June 2012

eaglesfan700:

I don't know that he is ever truly shut down - the Blackberry is never far out of his reach.

But I am not complaining, he does engage when we are doing something as a family. He also does a lot of yard work - which he enjoys doing, but it also gives him time to decompress and think about some work stuff.

We try to do date nights at least once a month and I have found that he is able to loosen up and talk more freely about what is happening, and also ask about what is going on with me (and really listen to my answers). I really believe that being out of the house and away from the kids just for a few hours is very conducive to good conversation (for us, anyway)

This is something DH and I need to work on. He is fine with helping with DS, but we have very little relationship right now. If it's just the two of us DH is usually screwing around on his phone or computer and watching tv (or all 3 at once). I'm not sure if it's work/stress related or if we are just having a relationship hiccup, but I know I need to make a point to him that we need to spend some quality time just the two of us. For us I think that necessitates a babysitter and getting out of the house. At home there are too many distractions, but at a restaurant there is no tv or computer and I'll drop his effing phone in his drink if he continues to text while I'm trying to talk. (bitterness?)

notkateanymore · June 2012

It depends...sometimes when he has been going for weeks at a time, I can tell he needs a real break. So, I don't plan anything and he kinda shuts down. But usually he's pretty awesome to have around...of course, he's still working on the weekend usually. LOL

Rdautenhahn · June 2012

My husband is military, we are always on base, so even when he is off we are still surrounded by it. He might not always be in uniform, but his mission 24/7.

rvandiver0705 · June 2012

My husband is a higher up in his company, and he is technically always on call. Ever since my DD was born I have tried to do what I can to lessen his stress. I was ready to kick him in the head at the drop of a hat for a few months. He basically had to be told how to do anything and everything. I was PISSED.

Then my sex drive came back, and I have a whole new husband. I would try sexing him up more (if you want to...I'm not talking about lying there while he does his thing). My husband is a million times more attentive and helpful if he is regularly getting his rocks off. Stick out tongue

It is like a reset button for him, which ticked me off when I realized it a first, but then I realized that it was his ultimate stress reliever.

Good luck, and I hope it gets better soon.

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