NBR - hubby quit smoking, acting crazy
My husband, bless him, decided to quit smoking before the baby comes. He's been smoking for over 10 years. It's only been 2.5 weeks since his last cigarette. I'm so proud of him and so glad he's made this decision, but he is uber depressed about quitting. He really loved it, it wasn't like he felt physically unhealthy (hard to believe, I know - but I think it's because he smoked for so long he doesn't remember what it's like to feel healthy). So he doesn't feel like he's gained anything, only lost. He's extremely down in the dumps all the time, barely looks at me or talks to me at home and is agitated by everything and everyone. I don't know if he resents me or what for having to quit. So as you can guess, him plus pregnant, hormonal, crying-at-the-drop-of-a-hat me is making for a very unpleasant household!
Has anyone on this board quit smoking? How long does it take before you start to feel better? Do you have any tips about how I can support my husband? It is really hard for me to relate to what he is going through.
Thanks 
Re: NBR - hubby quit smoking, acting crazy
I quit right before I got pregnant and I used Chantix to quit. I still have cravings once in awhile but all in all it's been pretty easy. Is he quitting cold turkey? If so, I'm sure it's really difficult for him and will be for quite some time. Its been 7 months for me and sometimes i miss it. Good luck to him (and you)!!
Thanks for your reply!
He just up and quit cold turkey. My friend gave me a bunch of nicotine patches and gum that were leftover after she quit, but he refused to use them! I dunno, is it too late to start using them after almost 3 weeks? I don't know if that would interfere with the process at this point or if it would be totally fine?
DH started to quit first, and I started about 2 weeks after him. It wouldn't have worked unless we both did,and really we both miss it and are tempted to start again at times (especially when out with friends and drinking is involved - or was before I was pregnant.) It was better for us to be 2 weeks apart in the process because it is hard, and if we both went through the same withdrawal at the same time it would have been scary!
What is he using to help? The first time I quit in '04 I went to a hypnotist and walked out of the office never experiencing a side effect. It was great. I did start again -- but not because of a nicotine craving or any thing, rather I was bartending and it was a social choice (in '07.)
This time (my last smoke was Dec 27th 2010) I used the patch. It took the edge off the physical part, but the psychological triggers were still there. (Drinking coffee, driving, finishing a meal, being aggravated.) I had to replace those cigarettes with other things -- chewing gum while driving, brushing teeth and doing dishes after meals, talking a walk when I get mad.
I have done a lot of things in my life, but my biggest regret was starting smoking. I still have urges a year and a half later...DH and I both have dreams about it! Quitting was one of the biggest challenges I have experienced.
If you can afford the hypnotist, I would try it. I couldn't afford it this time around, but would use it again in a second. Other than that, try to just be patient and understanding. Suggest walks, working out, using his cigarette money for treats for himself. Thank him! It is a really hard thing he is doing!
Note: We both gained weight when we quit-- and about 6 months after were ready to start the next lifestyle change of diet and exercise. Whatever you do, be patient with each other and work as a team!
I very strongly suggest that if he's serious about quitting that he speak to his doctor. Even though it's been a few weeks, I really think that the chances of success are very very slim when you go cold turkey. Also, look into what your insurance companies provide, many healthcare packages will offer help to quit smoking.
Also, the moodiness comes with quitting, I don't know anyone that ever quit smoking without going through that phase. I also notice people eat more and gain a lot of weight. Expect these things.
DH quit when I got pregnant- and we went through some of these same things and he still has his moments. We work through it though. Also he didn't notice a difference at first but he feels healthier now.
I'm sorry your household is unpleasant right now but in the end you're going to get a beautiful baby and a healthy daddy for him/her!
I would try anything and don't think that using the patches or gum now would interfere. It is a tough process for a long period of time... Be as patient and as supportive as you can.
That is probably why it has affected him so much. I was smoking when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to quit cold turkey, but my friend advised me against it. I didn't know if she was right, so I called the OB and talked to the nurse. They told me that it would be a much greater shock to the body to quit cold turkey. I needed to wean myself off slowly. They also said that if I quit cold turkey it could cause me to have a miscarriage. Even people in rehabs are allowed a small amount of whatever they were addicted to until they are weaned off. So what I did was smoke one less cigarette every day until I was down to zero. It worked really well for me. They also told me that if I have an extremely stressful day in the first weeks that I was quit, it was better to smoke a cigarette than to go on being stressed.
That was about 6 months ago. Now, I sometimes find myself thinking it would be nice to smoke, but then I really think about it and I don't want it anymore. MH is also trying to quit right now, and every time he comes in from having one, I make him chew gum or brush his teeth. The smell of it really stinks to me.
Since it's been a few weeks since he's smoked, the nicotine is already out of his system. It's the physical addction he has to get over now. Try having him chew sunflower seeds. It will help with his oral addiction.
Besides that, try and convince him to get professional help. I know it's hard. Hang in there girl! MH had to go through me quitting and being b!tchy to him. It's difficult to quit any habbit you have, especially a chemical one.
It's frustrating to have a grumpy spouse when you're gearing up for a baby. While I appreciate your husband's attempt to make a healthier life choice by not smoking, the cold turkey approach isn't working for him (or anyone around him).
He needs to hear how proud you are of him for his strength, how thankful you are that he wants to be a healthy model for the baby, how impressed you are with his resolution... Your support is critical, but he's not off the hook. He needs to hear about how his behavior is making you feel. Using a quitting aid does not make him weak, and it may increase his level of success while making him less miserable.
I'm sure quitting smoking is no walk in the park, but being the spouse of a quitting smoker is not fun either. Here's a story that lets you know you are not alone! (Just so you know, this story is funny to us now, but it was NOT funny five years ago.)
My husband (then live-in-boyfriend) started chewing and smoking during a stressful semester of college/working 50 hours a week/coping with some family drama, but he kept it a secret because he was ashamed of his weakness for nicotine and frustrated with himself for starting an old habit he thought he had kicked years earlier. He thought I didn't know, and that he could quit before I realized what was up -- what a silly boy.
He decided to quit during a vacation we took together. I nearly killed him because he was out-of-control grumpy and I was being overly-sensitive because I had planned a great vacation and he wasn't enjoying a minute of it because he was dealing with guilt for being dishonest with me while trying to live with nicotine cravings without any support.
By day three of the vacation, I decided that protecting his pride was not worth ruining our vacation. I bought the step-down/leveled nicotine gum when I went to grab dinner with the intention of putting it in his toiletry bag for him to find. I figured, he'd know that I knew, but it would allow him to bring up the topic when he was ready to. That probably would have been the nice thing to do, but I got back with dinner and he was being incredibly rotten when I returned. In a less than classy gesture, I threw the box of gum at him and yelled, "You wouldn't be such a dickwad if you weren't trying to quit without help."
We ate dinner in silence. We cleaned up dinner in silence. I went to sit in the hot tub and contemplate what the hell just happened in silence. And then, my nicotine-gum chewing tough guy joined me, and the conversation started, and vacation was saved, and most importantly his journey to quitting had officially begun.
I'm not saying you should throw boxes of nicotine gum at your husband, and yelling "dickwad" will surely get you teased for years. But do what you have to do to make sure that your husband quits WITH SUPPORT. Smokers relax by smoking. When they quit smoking, they lose a coping mechanism. Your husband's choice to quit during a stressful life change increases the struggles he's experiencing, but he can do it! Good luck to both of you!
When my husband quit smoking, he acted like a girl on his period the whole time: very moody, quick to snap, irrational. He used the patches to quit and it actually helped him quite a bit. I just kept in mind that he was going through a rough patch, and when he snapped at me or said something crazy, I would just look at him and he would know that he was talking crazy-talk. He always apologized.
For him it was breaking the habit of smoking more than the smoking (bare with me on this one)...he was used to smoking while he drove to work, smoking after eating, smoking after work, so it was that pattern he had to break more than his love of cigarettes.
Thanks everyone. Just reading through your replies made me feel a lot better! I want to suggest support (outside of me) but he's so stubborn about stuff like that for some reason. He wants to go it alone, it's just the way he is. At least, I can try to get him to use the patches- since we have them, he may as well use them. I know I could be more supportive... I do let him know how proud I am that he is doing this, but I know that I'm getting impatient and frustrated with him, and I just need to take a step back and remember that this is one of the most difficult things he has ever done and it may just be rough for a while.
I have quit many times over the years. The first time was the hardest, after 10 solid years of smoking. I dont agree with the patches at this point, because nicotine is typically out of your system after 3 days of not having any. I feel like it would set him back by putting it back into his system. He has done amazing by lasting this long and will get better each day. I quit cold turkey every time. It was hard..really hard... i would wake up with leg cramps, whining, dreaming that i smoked (that still happens occasionally). At one point i would take 3 tylenol pm's with a glass of wine just so i could sleep. But i promise, it WILL get better, and soon.... I do feel for you bc i know how mean and irrational i was that first time... hoping he gets better soon
keep praising him and hang in there!!
ETA: there are several stages of the process also.. At this point, it is more about fighting the "habit" of smoking than the actual drug addiction. It becomes such a routine that you find yourself having a hard time, say, driving...or drinking coffee or alcohol...or talking on the phone...all triggers. Ugh, I feel for you both!! Stinks!!!
I quit cold turkey 6 months before we conceived my first. We wanted to have a healthy family and in order to do that I knew I had to quit. I smoked for 12 years, I started terribly young, and found that I didn't know how to identify myself anymore. I was always a "smoker". To say I was a "non-smoker" was a difficult transition.
I would say the first two weeks were the hardest but it was at least three months before I was able to go any length of time without thinking about missing out on smoking. I know it seems nuts, as a smoker you know it is a dangerous habit but if you don't have symptoms it is almost impossible to convince yourself you are better without it.
I commend your husband, he is doing a wonderful thing and although he may be down now, eventually he will pull out of it. Every person is different, addiction effects us all in different ways. The best thing you can do for him is try not to bother him about it as much as possible, don't bring it up at every conversation, and try to find things you guys can do that will pull you out of your routine.
If after a couple months he is still super down I would have him see the doctor just for a check up. Depression can be a side effect and it is important to see a doctor if you suspect it.
I wish you guys all the best of luck and give huge props to your husband for making this choice for himself and your family .
As an ex-smoker, I totally agree with this. By now, the nicotine is probably out of his system, to re-introduce it probably wouldn't be the best idea.
I quit cold turkey after several sort of half-hearted attempts. I was a social smoker, I rarely smoked when I was by myself, and everyone in my group of friends smoked. It totally blew asss. But if I'd gotten a nicotine rush at any point of the quitting process, I wouldn't have been successful. Quitting is hard, no matter your method of doing it, and the moodiness usually comes with the territory. I'm sure it has to 110% suck for you, dealing with it while you're hormonal and ready to cry if the wind blows. But if he's made it this long, I'd let him stick it out. As the lady I just quoted also said, there are many stages to quitting. Hang in there, he's probably not far from being out of the woods!!