What would you do? (sorry so Long)

MzCurnett8886 · June 2012

BIL and DH have been very close friends since before BIL and his sister got married. BIL and Hubs were talking because both couples (us and them) are TTC and they were talking about it (my doctor appointment, deployment with me pregnant etc). DH suddenly left the room during their chat 45min later comes back into the room. BIL and SIL were told that she can not have children because of several issues with her but he is healthy. Their money situation does not allow for them to adopt or go through fertility treatments so BIL is planning to leave. They have tried for 2years and he just doesn't want to spend the money/time anymore. SIL talks to me about getting loans and living with family members to save money for these treatments and even though she can't carry to term it's ok. Should DH and I tell her about BIL wanting to leave? It feels like a betrayal to listen to her take about these infertility plans, but then again I don't want to be the one to tell her she has a husband with a foot out the door because of her health issues. When DH and I get pregnant she will have to deal with that as well, it just feels like a bad situation all the way around. What would you ladies do in a situation like this?

mitzidanny · June 2012

Wait... Are you saying that your H's sister is married to his best friend and the best friend is telling your H that he is planning on leaving his sister?

If soo.. i think your loyalty as well as your brothers loyalty lies with his sister...

pgermain11 · June 2012

2010Bride2be:
This is your DH's sister. Your DH needs to handle this and tell his sister what's going on.

I concur.

KitT.Kat · June 2012

NO! This is NOT your news to tell. What if BIL decides that he is not leaving while you are telling her? There is no going back from news like that. I 100% would not say anything at all.

kristykay123 · June 2012

mitzidanny:
Wait... Are you saying that your H's sister is married to his best friend and the best friend is telling your H that he is planning on leaving his sister?
If soo.. i think your loyalty as well as your brothers loyalty lies with his sister...

I iz confused and I read it twice. Who doesn't know she can't get pregnant? She doesn't know herself?

MzCurnett8886 · June 2012

Yes, H isn't sure how to tell her and sometimes thinks I should be the one to tell her because I'm a woman because she talks to me about all her plans of IVF, like I could somehow convince her give up this dream, which I know I won't be able to. SIL knows she can't carry a child but is insisting that they use IVF and other means (I am not sure all the different procedures).

teachingirl28 · June 2012

KitT.Kat:
NO! This is NOT your news to tell. What if BIL decides that he is not leaving while you are telling her? There is no going back from news like that. I 100% would not say anything at all.

That's true. I'd maybe just try to encourage her to hold off on taking out loans, etc. Maybe your H could talk to his BIL. I think it sucks a lot that he wants to leave because she can't get KU. I'd say let them have a man to man talk about that first, and encourage him to talk to his wife. If that doesn't work, your H needs to tell BIL he's going to have a conversation with his sister to keep her from doing things like taking out loans, etc. Just give BIL the chance to do it first.

kristykay123 · June 2012

Ohhhh I get it now. Yeah no, not your place to tell. He will only end up hating you for it. And what of they stay together?? She'll hate you too.

Emma61210 · June 2012

kristykay123:
mitzidanny:

Wait... Are you saying that your H's sister is married to his best friend and the best friend is telling your H that he is planning on leaving his sister?
If soo.. i think your loyalty as well as your brothers loyalty lies with his sister...

I iz confused and I read it twice. Who doesn't know she can't get pregnant? She doesn't know herself?

I had to read it a couple of times too... apparently they both know she can't get pregnant, but her H is planning on leaving her. Thats what she doesn't know. OP is wondering if she should tell her SIL about the fact that her H is thinking about leaving.

KitT.Kat · June 2012

2010Bride2be:

KitT.Kat:
NO! This is NOT your news to tell. What if BIL decides that he is not leaving while you are telling her? There is no going back from news like that. I 100% would not say anything at all.

So if your brother knew that your husband was planning on leaving you and being hella shady about it, you wouldn't want your brother to tell you?

Seriously, unless the BIL already has a new place and is in the middle of leaving it is not her news to tell SIL. How does she know he is not jsut scared of the situation? If they told SIL and BIL decided he wanted to work through his issue then they would be ruin either a) BIL & SIL marriage or b) her own relationship with them for stirring up trouble.

So no, I would not want my family getting in the middle of my marriage.

SadieTop · June 2012

Thats is rough.....Yeah before syaign anything I would see if he just is scard or didn't really mean it.....But loyalty to the family alwasy comes first.

mitzidanny · June 2012

Emma61210:
kristykay123:
mitzidanny:

Wait... Are you saying that your H's sister is married to his best friend and the best friend is telling your H that he is planning on leaving his sister?
If soo.. i think your loyalty as well as your brothers loyalty lies with his sister...

I iz confused and I read it twice. Who doesn't know she can't get pregnant? She doesn't know herself?

I had to read it a couple of times too... apparently they both know she can't get pregnant, but her H is planning on leaving her. Thats what she doesn't know. OP is wondering if she should tell her SIL about the fact that her H is thinking about leaving.

ha! glad i wasn't the only one confused...

lovelyday39 · June 2012

You asked WWID? I would stay.out.of.it. This is their problem, they need to deal w/it. Her H needs to stop being a pu$$y and hiding behind other people, expecting them to do his dirty work. Don't take a bullet for him, he's not worth it.

Unknown · June 2012

This content has been removed.

SCSmith2011 · June 2012

I would tell your BIL he needs to not put you guys in the middle of this. But I'm having a hard time getting past the fact that he wants to leave because of her health issues. Tongue Tied

purplepeanut6 · June 2012

SweetC80:
maybe you can ask your DH to speak w/ your BIL and try to get him to have a serious conversation w/ his wife about their future. And, to remind him that is his sister and he doesn't want to betray is friend, but is not comfortable being put into a position where he feels he needs to protect his sister as well. Maybe he cal also speak w/ his sister and also encourage her to have a serious conversation w/ her husband about their family and their options and how that will effect their future together.

Couldnt of said it better myself. Thank you sweet!

hatroopes · June 2012

I would tell her, even they do end up staying together. I would feel horrible if she took out loans for fertility treatments and he did end up leaving her. I think you should definitely tell her - I know I would want someone to tell me if I was in her shoes! I don't think she would hate you if they ended up staying together and if she does, then she's an idiot as you were just trying to help her. IMO, family comes first and your brother needs to put his sister over his buddy.

MrsRKJ · June 2012

Wow, that's terrible. I would be devastated if DH wanted to leave me because I couldn't get KU. What about adoption? Is that an option for them?

I agree with the PP who suggested DH speak with BIL. I do not think it's your place to get involved by telling SIL what's going on. But if DH speaks with BIL, and have BIL have a heart-to-heart with SIL, that seems like the best bet. They need to be on the same page with this - and they are obviously not

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