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didn't think I would be dealing with teasing at DC just yet... :(

groovygrlgroovygrl member
in Working Moms

They're only little kids obviously & I don't think it is malicious but DD has come home several times reporting that a couple girls in her DC class have been calling her a baby & even made mention of something like someone said to stay away from her... I don't really know the context of any of it so I mentioned something to the teacher today & she did say they have had to talk to a few of the older girls in the class about doing that w/ DD and another girl who is younger/smaller, they're 'pretending' that theyre the mom & the 2 younger girls are the babies but I think it is not always in the nicest way of course b/c the little ones want to be big girls too and the older ones do things like pretend the littler ones can't walk or do things on their own, etc.

They just transitioned to a new class and don't turn 3 til august and most of the kids in the class are already 3 and some coming up on 4 (as is the case w/ the girls who are doing this I think) so those kids will hopefully transition out soon and then there won't be as big of an age gap in the class...I guess you'll always have that in this type of situation but I wasn't expecting to have to think about it so soon! 

Any DC teachers or ppl out there w/  experience with this have good advice about how to address (with DD, not daycare since I already brought it up to the teacher) in a positive way that is not giving much attention? I don't plan to bring it up iwth her unless she mentions it again but so far I have just said that those girls are just playing a game since they're a little older than she is but they're all big girls and in the same class, and if she doesn't like how they are playing, there are lots of other kids in the class to play with...

I don't think it is a big deal but it breaks my heart to think about how the 'real' teasing and kid behaviors will start before I know it and how hard it will be to have your kids hurt/upset by it... :( 

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Re: didn't think I would be dealing with teasing at DC just yet... :(

  • Netty_3Netty_3 member
    I've seen it too with little girls.  It shocked me it started s early as well. I hope it gets better for your daughter though.
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  • mexicolombianamexicolombiana member
    This is so awful.  I know it's just kids being kids and they're all so little, but having 2 girls of my own I am NOT looking forward to dealing with teasing and bullying.  And sorry my kids are too young to have any good advice to you.  Other thank talking to teachers and trying to teach your LO to stick up for herself, etc.  good luck!




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  • jnealetjnealet member

    We just switched our girls daycare.  They go to an inhome, so its a little different but one of the dcp's daughter wasn't the nicest to D1 and we were hearing things like "No one likes me there, they hate me" from D1.  DH talked to dcp about it and she acutally sat both girls down and asked them if they like each other and they said they did like each other.  Then they had a discussion about how you have to be nice to your friends and saying hurtful things isn't a way to treat people you like.  And after that, we have only heard good things about daycare from D1.

    It helped me to remember that our expectations of our children and other children are really high and if they are doing something bad, then turn it into a lesson.

     Now, that doesn't really help you!  But maybe you can talk to the teacher about making sure that the girls know its not ok to tease or act mean to other people or they won't want to play with you. 

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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    imagejnealet:

    We just switched our girls daycare.  They go to an inhome, so its a little different but one of the dcp's daughter wasn't the nicest to D1 and we were hearing things like "No one likes me there, they hate me" from D1.  DH talked to dcp about it and she acutally sat both girls down and asked them if they like each other and they said they did like each other.  Then they had a discussion about how you have to be nice to your friends and saying hurtful things isn't a way to treat people you like.  And after that, we have only heard good things about daycare from D1.

    It helped me to remember that our expectations of our children and other children are really high and if they are doing something bad, then turn it into a lesson.

     Now, that doesn't really help you!  But maybe you can talk to the teacher about making sure that the girls know its not ok to tease or act mean to other people or they won't want to play with you. 

    Thanks...I think they did talk to the older girls but hopefully since I brought it up they will continue to watch out for it & address it... and I will just keep having to address it at home. Doesn't really help that DD is sort of small (although the other girl is even smaller) and she has very little hair still so I have to put tiny little ponytails in to get her hair off her face/neck in the heat and it probably makes her look even younger (even though I think it is cute as can be haha)... you're right, it is good to just think of everything as a teachable moment. And I also probably need to turn it around to show her that she should not be like that to other kids either.

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  • terpsfanterpsfan
    We just moved and started a new daycare/preschool too.  My DD is 4.5 (so starting out in the summer camp and going into her last year of pre-K this fall).  There is a group of girls who are already five and starting K in the fall (so this is their last summer at the facility).  They are a bit cliquey according to the teacher.  The teacher is trying to get them to include DD but I think it'll get better once they leave.  Good life lesson for her though, as she was part of a little clique of girls who had been together forever at her old place.  As hard as it is for me to see and I empathize with her pain and anxiety, it's something that happens in life all the time (meeting new friends and having to "put yourself out there" so to speak).
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  • jenn_darrin1515jenn_darrin1515 member

    ugh.  this totally scares me.

    my girls just started at a new preschool...they will be in the 3 year old room in the fall...but for the summer "camp" the 3's and 4's are combined for part of the day and the 4 year old girls I think are a little cliquey...I suppose it is life and they do need to learn to stick up for themselves, etc., etc....but I just want to keep my babies protected from the mean girls forever.  it does suck tho.

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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    I've seen this happening at DD's daycare, starting this year in the 3s room.  Its mostly w/ the girls too and they have some disputes about who gets to push who on the swings and who gets to the Mommy when they play baby.  The school follows a "peace making/anti- bullying" curriculum so that definitely helps, but we also try to remind DD that she can walk away if she doesn't like how somebody's playing and/or tell them they're not being nice or whatever.  You can't control other people, you can only control your own reaction.  We praise her to high heaven when she shares/takes turns too.
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  • semdkmsemdkm
    I'm sorry you're dealing with this-especially at just 2!  We recently had to deal with this, too, but with three and four year old girls.  Even the teacher, who has been with the Pre-K class for almost 10 years, said she's never seen anything like it, and she's incorporated a hard core kindness lesson into her daily curriculum, which I so appreciate.  My daughter came home crying a number of times because girls were telling other girls (including my daughter) that "you're not invited to my bday party because  you aren't wearing a dress..."  and so on....and the worst?  When the teacher told me my daughter did it to another girl in the class.  So, the teacher has really made progress with teaching, "treat others how you want to be treated," etc., and of course we do so at home, too.  Such a shame that this nonsense is starting so young.  (Doesn't help that it's all over even the "family" programming on TV, which we avoid like the plague.  I saw a DISNEY "pre-teen" show at my sister's and was appalled.)  As you asked for advice, what helped with our daughter was asking her how it made her feel when someone spoke that way to her, and then asked her if she wanted to be a person who was kind or who made others feel badly.  Of course, she chose the former option and we just keep reinforcing that message.  When others hurt her feelings (it's gotten much better now that they are actively addressing at school), it's so heartbreaking but I've learned to keep my cool (at least outwardly) and help her think of suggestions to ease the situation (e.g., I'll say, "I"m so sorry X upset you.  What do you think you can do to feel better when that happens?"  Then I'll recommend finding another friend to play with, or (now that the kids are 5/almost 5 and understand each other a LITTLE better, suggest she stand up for herself and ask why they speak to someone that way, and would they like it if someone treated them that way, etc.  I knew having a girl wouldn't be easy, I just didn't expect this petty nonsense so early!  Hang in there, and I hope it gets better soon!
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    That Disney crap is the worst - they are some seriously bitchygirls. 
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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member

    Thank you all! great advice!!! It does make me so sad though & I'm thankful she is a big time talker which hopefully will help her and also she appears (so far) to have very healthy self esteem (though I fear crossing over into bossy but that is a whole other post...) so I will just have to continue to foster that.

    Funny about disney...we don't watch any shows that have 'real' people yet so I dont think they've had as much exposure. Plus DS controls the tv viewing & she goes along with it so that pretty much = "mighty machines" or "dinosaur train". haha.

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  • mexicolombianamexicolombiana member
    imagegroovygrl:

    Thank you all! great advice!!! It does make me so sad though & I'm thankful she is a big time talker which hopefully will help her and also she appears (so far) to have very healthy self esteem (though I fear crossing over into bossy but that is a whole other post...) so I will just have to continue to foster that.

    Funny about disney...we don't watch any shows that have 'real' people yet so I dont think they've had as much exposure. Plus DS controls the tv viewing & she goes along with it so that pretty much = "mighty machines" or "dinosaur train". haha.

    How funny you say that, my boss has small kids and he mentioned this to me once and I totally understand why now.  I HATE the disney channel except for a few cartoons like Mickey Mouse Club, other than that I might be blocking it on our tv when DD gets older! Nuts huh? 





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  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP,
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  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, EVE
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  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for adults t
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for adults to d
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for adults, to
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for adults, to deal
    Report Reply
  • semdkmsemdkm
    I know--TV is awful.  Our dd is happy watching Doc McStuffins, etc., and I'm fairly certain that once she grows out of that, I'm removing the one tv we have from the house. There is just WAY TOO MUCH CRAP, even for adults,
    Report Reply
  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    wow semdkm you feel strongly about that.... ;)
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  • azuremamaazuremama

    I'm amazed at kid drama all the time.  There was a little boy in DS's 2.5-3 yo class that some of the kids teased for being a baby and I felt so bad.  In that situation, we talked about how name-calling makes people feel sad and we don't want to do make people feel sad.

    Now everything is "so and so said they're not my friend," or "no one would play with me today."  I talked to his teacher about it and she assured me that it's really normal at this age and that DS has plenty of kids he's playing with.  So, I say things like, "well, that doesn't sound very nice.  What could you do next time if that happens?"  Then we rehearse different things:  he could say that hurts his feelings (surprisingly effective at this age!), he could walk away and play with someone else, he could talk to a teacher, etc.  I think having a script for future situations is really helpful to him.  A few times, he'll march right up to someone and say exactly what we talked about.

    His teachers are big on "we're all friends in this room," so we talk about that, too.  I tell him the kid was just mad and that's why he said it and it wasn't nice, but they're all friends.  And there are plenty of other people to play with if someone can't be nice.

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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member

    thanks...this is good advice too. sigh :(

    yesterday when i picked them up DD says to me, today XXX (the culprit here) wasn't at school. I said...oh was that good or bad? and she said, bad.... but sometimes she calls me a baby. and I said, well that is not nice to say that or to call people names is it? and she said no...and i said you know, if you don't like the way someone is playing or if they hurt your feelings, you should just go play with someone else. who else could you go play with? and she started naming other kids in her class, and I said, yes you can play with them, you don't have to play with someone if you don't like playing with them, and remember that you shouldn't call other kids' names and hurt their feelings either...

    I like telling her to say to the girl(s), that hurts my feelings. I will try suggesting that next time.

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