January 2013 Moms

Keep your gender wishes to yourself mom

So, I might be overreacting but my mom really hurt my feelings. She is pretty notorious for saying off the wall things/rude things and never filtering herself or thinking of others feelings. I picked her and my dad up from the airport and she asked how I was feeling etc. Then she said, "i'm just praying you have a boy" in the most sad/desperate voice. I immediately said, "please don't say stuff like that, b/c if I have another girl I know you'll be disappointed and that really hurts my feelings". Her reply was, "but if you have a boy you'll have the million dollar family" (i'm assuming this means my family will be perfect). I replied that my family will be perfect just the way it is. 

It really frustrates me that people put so much weight on having one of each or especially having a boy. It's like this added pressure in my family sort of on both sides b/c my husbands brother has a girl too and i know his parents are chomping at the bit for a boy. has anyone with 2+children had any experiences like this? 

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Re: Keep your gender wishes to yourself mom

  • I only have one but I know what you mean... I get the pressure too and I just say "Boy or Girl" baby will be loved just the same.  I too wish people would keep those comments inside where they don't hurt mother's to be.

     

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  • I'm sorry she was so lame :( Why does everyone think that STMs are hoping for their 2nd to be opposite? It does make me feel bad for the babies- like they aren't good enough bc they weren't a certain sex.

    My Mil did that with my 1st. She already had a grandson, so she told me she was hoping for a girl. I told her that my baby was growing a penis as we spoke bc she jinxed herself! Now my Sil's expecting another boy and who knows what this lil peanut will be. Probably a boy :D 

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  • I got an email from my FIL yesterday that was a forward from someone I've never met saying "tell T & M we hope it's a boy and it's not a redhead". First off, we haven't even told all my family and a lot of our friends yet so I was mad that FIL is not respecting our privacy wishes and then some random person has an opinion on the sex and looks of our baby. Come on now! I'm assuming it will just get worse though... 

     You're gonna have a million dollar family no matter what though! I hope this doesn't get you down too much, your mom will obviously love her grandbaby no matter what!    

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  • Have not dealt with this, but I can imagine it is beyond annoying!!  We have a little girl.  My husband wants a boy this time, I'm hoping for a little sister for lo.  No one else gets to "want" either or be disappointed with what we have.  People are so weird sometimes. 
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  • imageLaurelBee:

    I'm sorry she was so lame :( Why does everyone think that STMs are hoping for their 2nd to be opposite? It does make me feel bad for the babies- like they aren't good enough bc they weren't a certain sex.

    My Mil did that with my 1st. She already had a grandson, so she told me she was hoping for a girl. I told her that my baby was growing a penis as we spoke bc she jinxed herself! Now my Sil's expecting another boy and who knows what this lil peanut will be. Probably a boy :D 

    lol - nice one!

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  • When someone says to me oh I bet you want a boy or something along that I tell them that no of it's a girl then my dd will have a sister ad that's a great  experience an if it's amboy we will be just as excited!  
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  • I'm a FTM but I definitely get this. I hope no one says this to me (that they hope I have a ___"). I truly don't care what I have but I am even thinking that when people ask me what I think it is, I'm going to resist saying either way. I just don't want people to judge me, thinking I will be disappointed if I say I think it's a girl and it ends up being a boy, or vice versa.
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  • Sorry about your mom, I'm annoyed for you! 

    I'm already getting this from both sides of the family.  With this pregnancy being twins, and we know they are fraternal, everyone keeps saying they want us to have one of each so we can be done.

    My husband actually would love to have twin girls, haha!  In all honesty though my husband and I just want to have 2 healthy babies regardless of gender.  That is my response to everyone, esp. my BIL that keeps trying to get me to agree with him that I'd like for it to be a boy/girl twin set.

    Who said we are only having 2 children?  Why would we need to done with this pregnancy so all the pressure on the genders right now?  Annoying...

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  • imagestewz:

    So, I might be overreacting but my mom really hurt my feelings. She is pretty notorious for saying off the wall things/rude things and never filtering herself or thinking of others feelings. I picked her and my dad up from the airport and she asked how I was feeling etc. Then she said, "i'm just praying you have a boy" in the most sad/desperate voice. I immediately said, "please don't say stuff like that, b/c if I have another girl I know you'll be disappointed and that really hurts my feelings". Her reply was, "but if you have a boy you'll have the million dollar family" (i'm assuming this means my family will be perfect). I replied that my family will be perfect just the way it is. 

    It really frustrates me that people put so much weight on having one of each or especially having a boy. It's like this added pressure in my family sort of on both sides b/c my husbands brother has a girl too and i know his parents are chomping at the bit for a boy. has anyone with 2+children had any experiences like this? 

     

    I'm so sorry she's acting like this. I desperately want all girls! lol But as long as it's healthy I'll be happy. Unfortunately, you may just have to brush off the rude comments. You can't live up to her ideals, they're unrealistic. And I'm sure once the baby is born she will love it regardless. 

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  • I get that my husband and father are both "mans men" they love to hunt and cars and blah blah blah but I am about tired of getting told I have to have a boy. I get how your feeling, if I have a girl she will just be a second rate daughter/granddaughter because she wasn't the boy. Very frustrating. It is also frustrating that my dad is wishing for a boy but then throws in the "Of course it will be a boy because your a thousand miles away" WTF!

    and there is my vent for today lol
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  • SPK926SPK926 member
    Honestly I would put it back on her. Next time she says something reply with, "Wow, I would think you would love to baby no matter the sex." She'll probably say something like, "Oh I will love it" to which I would reply, "Then please keep your mouth shut because if this baby IS a girl you're going to feel really bad about everything you've said.".

    Something along those lines since she obviously doesn't get it or doesn't care that it makes you feel bad. Just turn it around on her and make her feel bad! Ha!
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  • Wow!  That was really harsh of your mom to say.  I think you handled it well by telling her that your family is perfect.

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  • My MIL is the same. She already has two granddaughters so she really wants my LO to be a boy. She is always making comments about how I am having a boy based on stupid old wives tales. But it is so silly.

     

    I think this is so stupid. You dont like people because of their sex, you like them because how they are as people.

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  • I'm a FTM but I totally get where you are coming from! My MIL has 3 granddaughters already and all my in-laws can talk about is how much they want our baby to be a boy! Despite what we have said they continue with this statement everytime we see them. Part of me is hoping it's a girl just to go against their wishes.
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  • Ugh that would make me so mad! Luckily I havent heard any of this yet. I think most people who know me know that we dont plan to be done after this one, anyhow so maybe that is why. I do hope to have a daughter one day but if I have a million boys all as amazing as my son I will be THRILLED.

    In some ways I am almost hoping for another boy because it would be so fun for them to be buddies... best man for each other etc. But also would love a girl. So I really dont care and I hope that those around me dont either!





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  • imageSPK926:
    Honestly I would put it back on her. Next time she says something reply with, "Wow, I would think you would love to baby no matter the sex." She'll probably say something like, "Oh I will love it" to which I would reply, "Then please keep your mouth shut because if this baby IS a girl you're going to feel really bad about everything you've said.".

    Something along those lines since she obviously doesn't get it or doesn't care that it makes you feel bad. Just turn it around on her and make her feel bad! Ha!

    I like this response. While I'm a FTM, I've already gotten multiple, "I hope it's a girl" comments. While I'd love to have a girl, our number one priority is a healthy baby. I shouldn't have to feel nervous to tell all of the above mentioned people that it's a boy, yet I am.

    Sorry that your mom was so rude, I'd be upset too. I definitely like the above response though, perhaps it will teach her to keep her mouth shut! 

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  • My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, and this is our first child together.  He is the last male on his side of the family so all of his family, including him, have been saying that it has to be a boy.  It's a little frustrating...his aunt has already come up with boy names (yes because she will be the one naming our child Confused ) and any time they ask about how I'm doing they refer to the baby as a boy.  It's all a little ridiculous.  All they seem to want is a boy and all I want is a healthy baby.

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  • I can understand. My MIL had 3 boys, and now she has 4 grandsons. (no daughters or granddaughters). She is open that she REALLY wants us to have a girl and while I know it isn't my "fault" if she doesn't get a girl, I find myself hoping it's a girl just so i don't have to tell her she has another grandson. :( 
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  • I'm a FTM and the day we told our families my MIL goes "now I really want a boy" I just turned to her and said "I really want a healthy baby". She has 3 sons, two granddaughters, and one grandson so I'm not sure why she is so pushy on boy or girl but I was annoyed and now kind of hope it's a girl just because she said that. ;)
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  • Yep, my mom already has a grandson from my brother so she desperately wants a granddaughter. She's made that very clear! But I know either way she will adore this LO once he/she comes so her comments dont bother me much.
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  • Tell her praying doesn't do any good at this point. It's been decided and she can just well learn to accept it. Smile
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  • Dh and i are definatly feeling the pressure from his side of the family (though we havent told any one on his side) Because if we do have a boy it will be the last person in the family able to keep the family name alive. and for his dad and mom that's huge. So yes. i totally understand the pressure and how frusturating it is to want to satisfy everyone but it only really matters that you and your DH are happy. i have to tell my self that when i get to thinking about it.
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  • If this LO is a girl, her middle name will be "Jane" after my favorite "Maiden" aunt, My mothers sister. Since I told my mom that plan, shes been rooting for a boy, so that my aunt "Wouldn't have that much power over the baby"

    Majorly F-ed up.

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  • That's horrible! Your mom should definitely keep her opinions to herself.
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  • I only have 1 little guy but I'm getting the same thing.

    It seems like whenever I tell someone I'm pregnant they immediately say "Oh! I hope it's a girl!" All my family members have a "feeling" it's a girl... don't get me wrong, I'd love a girl but I'd also love a boy and I think that if it's a boy and people "pity" me about it I'm going to get stabby.

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  • imageSPK926:
    Honestly I would put it back on her. Next time she says something reply with, "Wow, I would think you would love to baby no matter the sex." She'll probably say something like, "Oh I will love it" to which I would reply, "Then please keep your mouth shut because if this baby IS a girl you're going to feel really bad about everything you've said.".

    Something along those lines since she obviously doesn't get it or doesn't care that it makes you feel bad. Just turn it around on her and make her feel bad! Ha!

     I find all of your posts awesome.

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  • imagetsweet16:

    I got an email from my FIL yesterday that was a forward from someone I've never met saying "tell T & M we hope it's a boy and it's not a redhead". First off, we haven't even told all my family and a lot of our friends yet so I was mad that FIL is not respecting our privacy wishes and then some random person has an opinion on the sex and looks of our baby. Come on now! I'm assuming it will just get worse though... 

     You're gonna have a million dollar family no matter what though! I hope this doesn't get you down too much, your mom will obviously love her grandbaby no matter what!    

    Seriously?!? He hopes your hypathetical son is not a redhead?!? Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely ridiculous?? Maybe I'm hyper-annoyed bc I am a redhead. But that statement would've assed me up in a BIG way. 

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  • imageLaurelBee:

    Seriously?!? He hopes your hypathetical son is not a redhead?!? Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely ridiculous?? Maybe I'm hyper-annoyed bc I am a redhead. But that statement would've assed me up in a BIG way. 

    Um not just you. Redhead here too and that comment really rubbed me wrong. Yes, growing up as a redhead and all the names I was called I would not wish that on my child at all (and there are still comment and lines today that get me). But I can say that from experience, not just because I don't like the color. It's one of those things that you have to be one to make that kind of comment, otherwise it's totally uncalled for/rude/hurtful.   

     

    imageSPK926:
    Honestly I would put it back on her. Next time she says something reply with, "Wow, I would think you would love to baby no matter the sex." She'll probably say something like, "Oh I will love it" to which I would reply, "Then please keep your mouth shut because if this baby IS a girl you're going to feel really bad about everything you've said.".

    Something along those lines since she obviously doesn't get it or doesn't care that it makes you feel bad. Just turn it around on her and make her feel bad! Ha!

    I love this comment, definitely tucking it away in case I run into this situation. 

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  • We had a boy first and a girl second. Dh's family is nothing but boys, so they were hoping for a girl and I have 2 sisters so my family didnt care, but a boy would have been nice. Everyone got what they wanted, lol! I would be curious what they'd want this third and last one to be! I personally do not care at all either way. I could list an equal amount of things for both sexes as to why and why I wouldnt want a boy/girl.
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