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Preemies
If you've had more than 1 preemie...
Are you done having kids? When DH and I were TTC the second time, we said there might be a third if the second time went perfectly. It didn't (5 weeks of bed rest due to IUGR, low AFI- DD2 born @ 35w), so we've recently been talking about making our decision to stop at 2 kids permanent. Of course, now I've been having second thoughts.
The rational side of me knows that with my circumstances (bicornuate uterus, history of pre-e/placenta issues, 2 preemies with NICU stays), I probably don't have a chance at a "normal" pregnancy. With 2 little girls at home, it would be awful to have another NICU experience. IF we thought we could chance another complicate pregnancy, it wouldn't be until the girls were older. But the infant stage is going so quickly and it's hard to think about this being the last time!
I'm not sure if there's a question in there or if I'm just needing to vent that to a group of ladies who will get it. Maybe what I really need is to grieve the loss of the normal pregnancy experience and focus on how blessed we are to have two beautiful little girls.
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Re: If you've had more than 1 preemie...
I know what you mean. I've been lucky that both of my pregnancies have been uncomplicated up until the labor stage, I just can't seem to make it all the way. After 2 NICU stays also, we've decided that I'm just not made to have a term baby. We don't know if that will really keep us from having another though if we do decide that's what we want. We just know to be ready for it and not think the first time was a fluke.
I'd just give yourself a little more time; it's not like you need to set in stone today if there will be another in the future.
I haven't had more than 1 preemie (DS is my first and only so far), but I am nervous about another complicated pregnancy. I had IUGR, placenta issues and pre-e with him as well and cannot imagine how we would cope if we had a baby in the NICU for almost 6 weeks like DS was WITH him to take care of as well.
I am still having issues coping with the loss of the normal pregnancy and birth experience, but for that reason I guess I kind of do want to try again at least one more time. My birth experience was especially traumatic because my DH could not be there for it...he unfortunately had the stomach flu of the century and wasn't allowed in for my emergency c-section...he didn't even get to meet his son until more than 24 hours later :-( So it would be really special if he could be there for at least one birth.
My DH says he is over the fact that he wasn't able to be there...he says he is just glad that Gavin is here and healthy. I think us moms have a harder time with stuff like that...I had this romanticized version of how it was going to be and it was very depressing when it didn't turn out that way at all.
That's a really good point.
If I knew for sure I would never have a preemie again, I may concern it. But I just had my yearly appointment last Thursday and my doctor stressed to me that I have about 75% chance of having another preemie. DH and I decided long time ago that two was it for us and he's getting fixed (his words) in the next month or two.
I'm sad that I'll never be pregnant again, but I'm trying not to think about that part and just enjoy my little baby now. Hugs Mama!
This is what I'm battling with right now. The reason I want another pregnancy is for that reason...in hopes of having a full term pregnancy. Obviously, it would be to add to our family and give DD a sibling but the desire to have a full term pregnancy weighs so heavily on me. (especially as friends around me are getting pregnant). DH could care less if we have another baby. But It's all I can think about. I definitely want to wait until DD is older and can understand. I see MFM on July 26th, so I don't know my odds again but I'm sure they are high. But if they tell me, without a doubt, that I will have another preemie again then I will probably not get pregnant again. I definitely don't want to go into it expecting to have a preemie, I will just be prepared to have a preemie, if that makes sense. It's such a hard decision. It's not fair that we even have to worry about this. People just don't know how lucky they are to have full term, healthy babies.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this way. I always wanted 3 kids, but when I found out it was twins, I selfishly felt a little cheated. I wasn't ready for all the stages to be over (i.e. newborn, toddler, preschool, etc.) and now that the twins are started preschool in the fall, I feel like it's going so fast. I wasn't ready for it to be over. I wanted more years of all this!
I feel like I could handle another 33-34 weeker (of course, I know complications can always happen), but I'm worried about having a 20 something weeker. They never found a reason for either of my PTL, so who know what my body would do? On the other hand, I never thought I'd make it to 33 weeks with the twins, so that gives me hope with a singleton and close monitoring.
I just keep thinking why push it? We have 3 healthy kids, so why take the chance? I just can't help myself wanting another baby (not for a few years though)!
This whole conversation really resonates with me. DD arrived at 25w4d and had @14 weeks in the NICU. She was only home from the NICU for 6 mo., and we got pregnant with DS. We nearly lost him at 20 weeks due to IC, and then I was on bedrest for 15 weeks. DS then arrived at 35w6d and had time in the Special Care Nursery. I look back and think that I was chasing the full-term pregnancy and not the family addition by getting pregnant so soon intentionally with our DS. As DD is now 3, and DS is turning 2, I am coming to a peace with myself that this is where we are comfortable as a family. My work on me from the old heartbreak is not done, but I know now that (rationally) having two healthy babies after all we went through is a gift. There are no "do-over's" in the baby business.