Sick of being told I won't be able to do it!

holyjunk · June 2012

I am VERY set on a natural birth. I have been since I found out. I am terrified of an epi, and I just want to deliver naturally.

I'm sick of being told that I won't be able to do it because:

1) I'm short

or

2) I have a low pain tolerance.

Jcrab · June 2012

What does being short have to do with it? I'm not quite 5'2" for what it is worth. To increase your chances of success I really highly recommend taking a hypnobirthing course (Marie Mongan's version) and very carefully choosing the right provider and location to deliver. Hypnobirthing made my labor so easy, it really wasnt painful, just work! I also learned a TON just reading all the posts on this board for the last six months or so. GL, you can do it!

amber323 · June 2012

I know it sucks but there's nothing you can do, you're going to get this your whole pregnancy, especially near the end everyone wants to horrify you with their birth story. I usually say "I'd like to experience labor for myself before making any decisions" to shut people up when they won't stop harping about epidurals and cesareans. The people who say things like this will not listen to any reason that birth is a natural process of the body and women are designed to do it so it's better to just move on and not bother too much with what they say, all the women on here know you can do it and support you 100%! Best of luck

holyjunk · June 2012

They say because I'm only 4'10, I won't be able to handle the baby I guess? My midwife told me that's not true.

And the pain tolerance thing, I am a wimp, I will admit that. But when I set my mind to something, I do it. Especially since I am more scared of an epi than anything.

pdilly2b · June 2012

Ignore the haters. You can do it. Not sure what your plan is, but definitely try to set yourself up for success by choosing a care provider and birth setting that is conducive to natural birth.... like an OB at a hospital that have 40% c-section rate is not good.

mb314 · June 2012

Comments like that just make me all the more determined to have a natural birth and show everyone that they were wrong. (I'm stubborn). Go in it with attitude that you can do it and you can thumb your nose at them when you're done

Although, do keep in mind that a lot of things can happen during labor and delivery and if there is a real medical necessity for an intervention/medication, than that's totally fine and you didn't fail.

cbj09 · June 2012

I get the low pain tolerance thing all the time. Even my husband, who is very supportive jokes that I don't even have a "discomfort tolerance." But basically anyone outside of him and my mother just laugh at me and say "well, we'll see how long you last without drugs." I'm trying to just ignore them.

skyejo · June 2012

holyjunk:

And the pain tolerance thing, I am a wimp, I will admit that. But when I set my mind to something, I do it. Especially since I am more scared of an epi than anything.

I'm the same way. Pain is not my friend but I'm stubborn as can be and there was no way that I was about to give into any drugs, I got a lot of the same comments because most of the people I was talking to don't know anyone who delivered naturally. It was nice to prove them wrong

shrtfrkgrl · June 2012

I know what you mean! I am having a waterbirth at home. I haven't been told anything because I am short or have a low pain tolerance. I am just tired of hearing it is going to hurt like freakin' hell. My DH tells me his customers tell him when they had their kids that it hurt like hell. Everyone has a different pain tolerance and every woman is different. My cousin tells me that all of her friends had an epidural and that is the only way to go. I know what I want! The epidural scares me. I don't like the idea of having something in my back and cannot move. I am a very restless person I need to be able to move around.

erb82 · June 2012

It's so frustrating because until you've actually had a natural birth there's nothing you can say. I heard plenty of times I wouldn't be able to do it, but I never heard anything about my height (I'm exactly 5 feet). As weird as it sounds, I don't think pain tolerance has much to do with natural birth. It's all about your mindset. If you go in terrified and expecting it to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you, that's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go in believing that the pain will get bad, but it's temporary and has a purpose, you'll do fine.

BBhopes15 · June 2012

**Lurking** I'm18 weeks,hoping for a NB and I love this board! I thought I add my two cents. I don't know why people just can't keep their mouths shut when they have nothing nice to say. But I did learn this: the only opinion that matters is mine and my husband's support. everyone has their right to believe what they want and this is why now I chose not to share my plans. People tend to pee on other's cheerios without thinking. And at the end of the day,I also understand that my plans are something Ihave little control over....sometimes interventions are needed.I had a friend who labored for 30+ hrs without meds or interventions but after 30 hours and nothing happening the MW started suggesting C-section,her best bet was to take the epi and she was then able to deliver vaginally. With that said,believe in yourself and GL!

AmyRI · June 2012

Fear of the epi got me through my first labor without ever doubting my abilities to make it.

I don't have a high pain tolerance. Every time the contractions got worse, I threw up. But it was nothing that my body didn't adjust to, and the pain is so completely different than any other type of pain I've ever felt. It comes and goes, it is pain from the pressure which is all because of baby's movement, and it all felt natural and tolerable. Sure, during transition everyone wants it to be over. But I never considered asking for meds because the thought of that needle was so much worse than the contractions.

You can do it!

Toni79 · June 2012

I've been getting alot of this too. Mostly from moms who had pitocin and then needed the epi.

Everyone says "oh just wait until you are in labor . . . you'll want the epi!" Wow, Thanks for the support!

It's almost like people think I are absolutly crazy for wanting a natural childbirth. Just becasue it's not the "norm" thing to do!

One of my close friends said that at her first contration (via pitocin) she was miserable and asked for the epi ASAP. I tried to expalin to her that it was the pitocin that was causing her contrations to be so painful. She just gave me a blank stare. Obviously she had no idea what I was talking about.

Then my BFF said to me (she has no kids) . . . "but if there's something wrong, and the baby is in danger, you'll get a c-section right?". Ummm . . . yeah, if there is a true emergency! I have my birth plan, but I also understand that the baby might have his/her own plan.

But people don't realize just how often drs say its an emergency when really you've exceeded thier "prefered" amount of time in labor. This is why I switched providers. My origional OB put me on a strict timelime regardless of how I and baby were doing. My new MW said she'd give me all the time in the world as long as both me and baby were ok.

Anyway, I've found myself not telling as many people about my birth plans, just becasue I am tired of hearing all the negative thoughts!

GL!

MidwestSeashell · June 2012

you can absolutely do it. absolutely.

maybe it's better to wait to talk about the birth until after it's happened, especially with folks that aren't a part of your inner circle. i understand that some people (close friends and family) may expect to know about your birth plans and if they can't offer supportive words I would just say something along the lines of "I want to share this experience with you. It's important to me that I have your love and support. I've made my decisions about what kind of birth I want to have and right now what I need is encouragement. If you don't agree with my choices that is absolutely fine but please keep those thoughts to yourself as I am very sensitive right now"

It's amazing how brainwashed a lot of our society is. How much of our power has been taken away or hidden from us. I have to laugh or I'll cry...

jillc2010 · June 2012

I caved in with my first pregnancy for these same reasons. My mom kept telling me I couldn't handle it and the first OB I went(I switched to a midwife) to told me I wouldn't be able to handle more than a 7lb baby due to my stature ( I'm 4'9"). So I got my epi as soon as possible in my labor. I still regret it 2 1/2 years later. They had to place it twice, the first time they hit a nerve and I had a small seizure. I have had chronic lower back pain ever since. I wish I had more confidence in my self at the time. I would have told everyone to stick it! My baby came out at 6lbs 15 oz just fine with no complications and only 30 minutes of pushing.

You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. Stick to your guns and let their comments go in one ear and out the other. Good luck

BakerMommy · June 2012

amber323:
I know it sucks but there's nothing you can do, you're going to get this your whole pregnancy, especially near the end everyone wants to horrify you with their birth story. I usually say "I'd like to experience labor for myself before making any decisions" to shut people up when they won't stop harping about epidurals and cesareans. The people who say things like this will not listen to any reason that birth is a natural process of the body and women are designed to do it so it's better to just move on and not bother too much with what they say, all the women on here know you can do it and support you 100%! Best of luck

I love this! I was induced with DD so I have no idea what non-pitocin induced contractions are like--I might have to use this phrase if anyone questions my desire to go natural. I bet most people assume I'll just go with an epi again, so they leave me alone, which is nice in its own way.

And what in the world does height have to do with it?! I'd think, erm, width would be more important--how much room is in your pelvis, etc.

holyjunk · June 2012

Thanks so much guys, you've made me feel a lot better .

I asked my midwife about this yesterday. She told me there is no reason I couldn't do it physically, and her sister is 4'11 and delivered a 10lb baby naturally. I plan on just not listening to anyone else, and keeping my confidence up!

alitria · June 2012

holyjunk:

I'm sick of being told that I won't be able to do it because:

1) I'm short

Someone better tell all those Asian women who do it every day they're too short! Apparently they had no idea it's not possible.

NechamaChayim · June 2012

holyjunk:
They say because I'm only 4'10, I won't be able to handle the baby I guess? My midwife told me that's not true.

I'm 4'9" and my doctor told me she thought I'd need c-sections because I'm so small. She will not be handing any of my pregnancies. I miscarried last time and she did my surgery afterword but I came up with an excuse for why I hadn't seen her in the first place (I saw a midwife). I think it's rather silly to assume a grown woman cannot give birth just because she is small. My hips sure as heck aren't small! Big Smile

BesosToAll · July 2012

Jcrab:
What does being short have to do with it? I'm not quite 5'2" for what it is worth. To increase your chances of success I really highly recommend taking a hypnobirthing course (Marie Mongan's version) and very carefully choosing the right provider and location to deliver. Hypnobirthing made my labor so easy, it really wasnt painful, just work! I also learned a TON just reading all the posts on this board for the last six months or so. GL, you can do it!

Everyone in my family tried discouraging me from a natural birth at a birthing center. I even had relatives calling me from out of state to talk me out of it. I have scoliosis with a spinal fusion from top to bottom and was able to birth my DD completely med-free in water. I LOVED my experience! I took a Hypnobirthing class in preparation. I HIGHLY recommend it. Make sure it?s the Marie Mongan Method like another mommy mentioned above. And practice the recordings daily. Also, print the affirmations from the book and place them somewhere you look at frequently, like your desk at work. Let me know if you need any further info. )

After my daughter's birth, some of my cousins told me they were shocked I was able to do it naturally because they all believed I had a low tolerance of pain.

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