am I being overly sensitive?

Temp865949250007475 · November 2008

ok, so I joined a new church in March of this year. It is a small congregation, and I was one of 3 people to join. I have never cared for the pastor (who was new after I decided to join), but whatever - I needed a close church, cause I knew that was the only way I would go on a regular basis.

Anyhow, I haven't gone regularly in several months because I have been so ill. Today, I was sitting there and she (pastor) came up to me and said hello. She then asked me if I was new and what my name was. I said, Marissa, and she goes "oh Marissa, I thought that was you"...whatever...so then she proceeded to ask where I've been and I told her my whole saga about being so ill I never leave the house, etc and am feeling better now, etc etc. She then said "was this a planned pregnancy?" um EXCUSE ME? I have been married over 3 years, and what is it of your business to be asking me this?! I was so offended, and am still upset about it.

lhull · November 2008

Yes, that is rude. It leads me to believe the only reason she came up to you was because you were pg. She is nosey.

thenewmrsrussell · November 2008

So...what did you say?

Bellisimo · November 2008

Wow, that's really weird! I definitely don't think you're being overly sensitive. Why in the world would someone, especially a pastor, ask that??????????

Temp865949250007475 · November 2008

I just said, "yes, we are very excited". At that point, I didn't want to talk to her anymore, and just wanted her to leave me alone.

starlight_24 · November 2008

WOW. WTH? People are so odd. What's with this pastor? Maybe she thought she was helping....If that's the case someone needs to let her know how to handle situations differently. Meanwhile, don't worry about her strange behavior and look around for another church. If you don't feel a connection to it, its probably not worth going through the motions for. Try to find one that fits who you are so you can enjoy it a bit more. Look on the bright side, you have the whole rest of the day to relax! Take it easy and remember you can always start a thread on the dumbest things people have said to pregnant women. Everyone has a story, you're not alone!!!

Kyla Sisco · November 2008

That is completely uncalled for! That is none of her business and I think you should let her know once you aren't that emotional that you were offended by her comment. I just had something like that happen about a week or two weeks ago when my boss asked me if I knew who the father was. She has known me and my fiance since the beginning of our 2-1/2 year relationship. Some people are just soooooooooo rude!!

thenewmrsrussell · November 2008

I think the question that pissed me off the most when we first found out was that everyone asked us if it was planned. Why does it even matter if it was planned? Like we would be any less thrilled if it wasnt planned? I realize this is probably an immature way to look at it but I pretty much think when you're married, planned or unplanned shouldn't even be a topic of discussion.

aldyn · November 2008

Honestly I've never understood why anyone would be offended by this question. I would not be bothered at all if someone asked me that... BUT, at least I know enough to know that some people don't like being asked this and I would never ask it of anyone!

thenewmrsrussell · November 2008

aldyn:
Honestly I've never understood why anyone would be offended by this question. I would not be bothered at all if someone asked me that... BUT, at least I know enough to know that some people don't like being asked this and I would never ask it of anyone!

I think what ticks me off about it is this:

1. There is a slight implication that maybe we didn't know what the hell we were doing

and

2. There is also a slight implication that if it was not planned, we are wallowing in pity and not completely excited about it.

Waterthrush · November 2008

I've only had one person ask me if it was planned. It was the first non-relative I told, so after that I've pretty much told people it was planned as soon I told them I was pregnant. In my case, it was much more understandable (not that it was their business). We didn't start trying until after our sixth year anniversary so a lot of people assumed that we didn't want children.

care22 · November 2008

As someone who's pg was not planned (but absolutely estatic about) I'd say you're maybe a bit touchy. WIth my first pg. I always got offended when people asked me if it was planned. We went through treatments so I was offended. But as someone now who has an unplanned pg. I can say it's not really an offensive question. I always laugh and say it's the "best unplanned thing I've ever done". So I think it might be a point of view thing? The pastor, givingher benefit of the doubt probably just wanted to make sure you weren't upset and needed help. That is what they are there for, right? However, I tend to agree, she sounds a bit nosey.

jam425 · November 2008

I would be more pissed that she didn't remember your name. I agree with pp she probably was just making sure you were ok.

NewMrs52106 · November 2008

I don't think you are overly sensitive to be upset about that comment. I've gotten it twice (from a husband and wife, each asking separately). I do not think it is anyone's business whether it was planned or not. In my case, DH said they probably asked because 2 of their 3 children were 'oopsies' and they wanted someone else to join the club. Just lovely. The way I see it, whether you were having lots of unprotected sex on purpose, or whether it was an accident or failure of birth control is a really personal issue, and an extremely rude question! I'm surprised this came from a pastor, also...have some tact!!

ChiOmegaGirl · November 2008

First of all, whether or not you're the type to be offended by this question, it's rude. Besides implying that you didn't know what you were doing and that you're wallowing in pity (as mentioned above Wink ), it's not anyone's business at all. It's very personal and I kind of feel like it implies that this baby is not just as loved as the next.