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August 2012 Moms
ShelbehhRawrr
member
I think I need to seriously vent.
ShelbehhRawrr
member
Please don't judge me. I am just hysterical crying and there are so many things running through my head that I need to get them out.
I know that I am a teenage mother, or am going to be, I don't regret my daughter, and I don't regret my decision to keep her, because there just wasn't any other option in my mind but I just feel like I wont be able to give her what she needs, I'm applying for jobs for after September, and I just bought a car with leftover money but I feel like the things that people say are true, maybe I am the stereotypical teen mom who's child will grow up without a father, and only one side of the family. Who's grandma and grandpa have to buy everything because Mommy 'cant afford it'. My parents did buy a lot, but my mom wants to make sure I graduate before I worry about anything else..
These thoughts come all the time and I usually shove them away, but they pushed too far in today, and I am just doubting myself. I'm sorry for this totally pointless thread. and the waste of time..
ETA: I know I can do this, I am confidant and I will do everything in my power to make sure my baby has a really good life.. I'm just really down right now :
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think I need to seriously vent.
i'm really sorry for the feelings you're experiencing, dear.
i'd love to tell you that this is going to be easy, but i'm sure it won't be. it does sound like you have a great support system in your parents. i am really happy to hear that.
you're just going to have to get over the concern that you will have to lean on them for a lot, because you will. your mom is right. it's important to focus on your education now. strive every day to be a good example for your little girl. someone she can be proud of. there is SO much opportunity for that. this might not have started the way you had planned, but YOU get to dictate how the rest of the story goes.
are you getting other help other than your parents? please look into talking to a counselor or therapist if you aren't already. your dealing with a lot. asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.
i'm also pretty sure that we are all at the point in our pregnancies where doubt starts to set in. we're getting closer. things are getting scary. the number of posts saying as such have increased in the last few days. you are not alone in your worry that you might not be good enough. keep your chin up and know that you are enough.
Thank you ladies, It does make me feel better to know that there are people who don't automatically assume the things I assume about myself. Its just so hard, all my 'friends' even my very close friends stopped talking to me, My own brother and sister in law stopped talking to me, thinking that I was a horrible influence on my niece (whos 8) They even moved all the way to NC after they found out
I just feel so alone in all of this, I'm thankful that I have TB!
ROCK the rest of your schooling. keep educating yourself. be a great role model for your baby. be a great mommy. work hard and PROVE THEM ALL WRONG!!!!
I'm sorry you are feeling down! I agree with PPs that these feelings can come at any age. My SO and I will be 33 and 29 when our daughter is born and we don't know what we're doing either. Being a first time parent at any age is stressful! We are both college graduates with full-time jobs and our parents are still helping us out with tons of stuff we don't get at the showers. You might financially need them to help, but I would suspect they're also really excited to be supportive parents/grandparents and buy things for their granddaughter. Try not to focus on the stressful stuff, you obviously love your daughter and want what is best for her which is a lot more than a lot of non-teen mothers can say! Surround yourself by supportive people and I bet you will look back on this experience as your greatest accomplishment!! Good luck to you
This x's 100! You can do this, your hard work will pay off and they will feel like fools for pushing you away!
We're 26 and getting a lot of help still, because my husband is still washing dishes with his bachelor's degree and I'm unemployed with a master's degree. Things were a bit different and in line to be even MORE different when we were TTC, but the universe conspired against us after I got pregnant and here we are now.
I know PLENTY of people with high school diplomas who don't have glamourous jobs, but they have jobs that allow them to provide for their families. Some of them were young parents, some weren't. I often feel like I wasted a lot of time, effort, and money getting an education, because I see others who worked right out of high school who are now able to make ends meet just fine. I have a few letters behind my name now and unfortunately those don't pay the bills--they just exclude me from the "easy to get" jobs, like retail, because I am "overqualified." I'm just too inexperienced for anything else.
You'll be a great parent if you do what you need to do to take care of your child. If you're offered help, and you need it, take it. Parenting is never easy for anyone, regardless of age, and that is a fact! As long as you are making sure you do what needs to be done to meet your child's needs, you can consider yourself a success. Your baby will love you no matter how old you are.
blog! thescenery.net
I appreciate your honesty, and I really appreciate that you are a young person being so self aware. That says a lot about you, I think. Most very mature adults are afraid to be so candid with or about themselves. It's frightening to think about who you really are.
You may experience all of those things you described, but, the experience is about you two now. And your child will not know anything but love for you and soak up all the GOOD things you have to offer him or her.
All these "material things" and fluff we keep mentioning on this board, are just that..."things". This stuff doesn't matter. This "stuff" is not what your baby is going to remember. Yes, it's comfortable, it's nice, it's extra....but it's just extra. That's it. My nursery that I've been so hell bent on finishing....is just this thing. It's not what my little girl will remember about her childhood.
No one can buy love. No one can buy a caring and loving mother. You can provide this with no one's help.
And all these people who want to "break it down for you" or be "brutally honest" about your situation....let them, but keep your head on straight and held up. I am 32 and scared shitless of what I am doing as a single mom. I am going to take it day by day....hour by hour. If I had anything of importance to say to you, it's this:
Make every possible effort to surround yourself with positive influences, and people you look up and would like emulate in life. There is so much to be said for your surroundings. On that note, I just listened to this awe-inspiring story and I thought I'd share if you have three minutes. It just shows the power of love any type of parent can give. No matter your age, your social setting, or your financial situation. You can do this little mama!
https://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=155042208&m=155082782
Make a pregnancy ticker
It's ok. Graduate, your mom is right.
Breathe. Most people don't buy everything for their baby. They get stuff from family and friends at showers. It's ok that your parents are buying most everything you need. Just keep the mindset that you're strong and you and your daughter will be better off alone, in the end. Things seem hard right now (and they are, I get that) but you'll be stronger because of it. I can't guarantee that things will be better in even two years...but you'll be able to prove to people that just because they felt you were just the typical teenage mother, you can succeed in raising a beautiful, productive member of society.
Oh honey, you remind me of my students. Deep breaths, you are totally capable of succeeding in your situation.
Your mom is absolutely 100% right, your priority needs to be finishing school. It's of course possible to achieve your goal of graduation at a traditional public school, but don't rule out charter schools either. They are free of charge and many (like the one I taught at) offer alternative schedules that can allow for more flexibility for teen moms. Do whatever it takes, look into each and every option that is available to you. Your education is VITAL to living a happy and successful life. I am not saying this because it's the "right" thing to say, I'm saying it because my own students have told me, without fail, from their own experience as teenage parents that this is the case.
Please feel free to PM me if you have questions, I have spent the past two years of my life working with students in your situation, you CAN absolutely do it.
This. Graduate from high school, pursue further education and a solid career, and get yourself on a good track. Prove it to yourself, your child and your loved ones that you can do it. Stay strong, and take the support your parents are offering you. They sound like they want the best for you and your baby...you can "repay" them later. Focus on the big picture and don't listen to the naysayers. Good luck
I'm 32 with a Masters in Business degree and a high paying job and DH is 33 with a decent job and my parents still bought most of the furniture in our nursery and all kinds of other stuff for us. They're just so excited to have a grandchild and want to contribute as much as possible. I'm sure your parents are the same way so don't feel bad...
As others have said, just do whatever you can to make a good life for you and your daughter. School is very important and I'm living proof that the further you go, the more opportunities you will have in life. The fact that you're even asking these questions means you really care and want to be a good mother and that's more than I can say for some married, independent women I know that are my age.