What do you expect from your DH in the hospital?

bearkatjen · June 2012

In the baby rooming in thread down below, a lot of women choose to have their baby go to the nursery because they couldn't get in and out of bed to pick the baby up. Maybe because they had a c-section or tearing. I was on mag-sulfate, even after having the baby, so I was a fall risk. I was still struggling with pre-eclampisa after I had the baby, so I was not suppose to get in and out of the bed unless I had to use the restroom. DS roomed-in with me, and it wasn't a big deal because DH would hand DS to me for feeding or snuggling, and change all his diapers.

Anyway, I guess I big reason that rooming-in felt natural and didn't feel like a burden, was because I had DH there to help me with whatever I needed.

What do you expect from your DH in the hospital and even during the first couple of weeks? Do you expect him to get up with the baby, change diapers, bring the baby to you for feedings?

If you already had a baby, what was your DH like at the hospital and the first couple of weeks home?

this decaf life · June 2012

If I'm exhausted and need the night off & have the option to send little one to the nursery I'd consider it. I feel like DH deserves one more night of sleep too!

I'm expecting him to do some diapers and help with feedings but his work will be fairly demanding & he'll have to be planning our big move because I won't be able to help out much around that time so I think I'll do a lot of stuff.

anmorgan32 · June 2012

My DH stayed in the hospital with me, but we still sent DS to the nursery. Trust me, we both needed our rest for the upcoming weeks and months of sleeplessness at home.

Once home, my DH was a big help, especially once we started FF because we could take turns.

This time, DH will probably stay at home with DS and although I may change my mind when the time comes, I'll probably send the baby to the nursery at night so I can rest up.

Oh also wanted to add: I had a c-section so it was hard for me (aka painful) to get up and down at first so DH did the majority of the diaper changes in the hospital and the first week or so home.

sbuxsweetie · June 2012

DH was a huge help in the hospital after my c-section, but we were both completely exhausted after my long labor. He changed diapers and brought C to me for feedings and so we could snuggle, but during the night C woke up about every 40 minutes and we were both zombies. I'm not sure what will happen this time. Either DH will go home to take care of DS and my mom will stay overnight, or vice versa. Once we're home, I expect a lot of help the first week or so, until H has to go back to work.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · June 2012

I expect as much effort out of him as I am putting in myself. The first time, I tried to do too much too quickly. This time, I will probably rely on him a little more to hand baby over for feedings and will probably try to rest a little more than I did the last time. Our hospital requires rooming-in which I'm fine with for the most part. I want baby with me the majority of the time, there was only one time last time that I sent DS to the nursery for a little while, and that was only because the nurse asked if I wanted her to, so I obliged. I was glad I did in the long run, and it was only for a few hours in the middle of the night.

Jenn0810 · June 2012

DH stayed with me at the hospital every night. He helped out quite a bit. At home when I was BF he would get up at night to change the diaper and then bring DD to me to feed then he would fall back asleep. He was very helpful and still is. He changes many diapers, bathes her and feeds her. I would add that after he went back to work, if he had to get up early for work, then I would try to let him sleep since I had the time off with DD. If he didn't have to get up early then he would help.

Jenn0810 · June 2012

anmorgan32:
My DH stayed in the hospital with me, but we still sent DS to the nursery. Trust me, we both needed our rest for the upcoming weeks and months of sleeplessness at home.
Once home, my DH was a big help, especially once we started FF because we could take turns.
This time, DH will probably stay at home with DS and although I may change my mind when the time comes, I'll probably send the baby to the nursery at night so I can rest up.
Oh also wanted to add: I had a c-section so it was hard for me (aka painful) to get up and down at first so DH did the majority of the diaper changes in the hospital and the first week or so home.

Yes- Even with a vaginal delivery it took some time (and pain) to get up and out of bed to change diapers or even go to the restroom myself.

HappyMama30 · June 2012

For our 1st we were in the hospital for a week, and it was rough. He stayed for a few nights, and went home for a few hours during the days. We decided he'd sleep at home one of the nights and it was terrible. The nurse called him at like 5 am asking him to come back after I'd had a complete breakdown that night. I was convinced I could do it all on my own... ya... no. Yikes. Anyway. He was very helpful while he was there, and changed the baby and helped me order all my meals. He was great after we got home and helped get our meals and did as much as he could for me and the baby. After baby # 2 we were only at the hospital for one night and he stayed with us. He really took charge both times with the paper work, which was nice because I was in no state of mind for that kind of thing at the time. I expect him to help as much as he can, because he is half of the parent equation too.

anmorgan32 · June 2012

Jenn0810:
anmorgan32:
My DH stayed in the hospital with me, but we still sent DS to the nursery. Trust me, we both needed our rest for the upcoming weeks and months of sleeplessness at home.
Once home, my DH was a big help, especially once we started FF because we could take turns.
This time, DH will probably stay at home with DS and although I may change my mind when the time comes, I'll probably send the baby to the nursery at night so I can rest up.
Oh also wanted to add: I had a c-section so it was hard for me (aka painful) to get up and down at first so DH did the majority of the diaper changes in the hospital and the first week or so home.
Yes- Even with a vaginal delivery it took some time (and pain) to get up and out of bed to change diapers or even go to the restroom myself.

Oh, I hope you don't think I was insinuating only c-section ladies are in pain after. That's not what I meant at all; I was just speaking from my own experience.

JennV514 · June 2012

My husband took care of everything for me - in the hospital and at home. He had 2 weeks paternity leave and that helped tremendously. I'm sure the same will happen this time.

denise_m · June 2012

DH stays with me in the hospital. After a cesarean recovery, he brings me the baby for feedings and changing and cuddling. Then, he helps with whatever I need help with for the older ones.

And, he's always been the only one to change meconium diapers.

Titts McGeee · June 2012

I kind of imagined him at my side holding my hand and whispering encouraging words during labor. How it really went was he was tired from waking up "early" for my 9am induction and slept about 10 hours out of the 17 hours I was in labor. He woke up to get himself chik fil a and eat it in front of me. Then once LO was born he was "soooo tired" that he went to bed. He did get up and do all he diaper changes for me but he slept pretty much all day the first couple of days from waking up so much at night. Luckily he got used to having a wakeful baby and has been extremely helpful ever since.

ajetter · June 2012

DH was as helpful as he could be, but he was also tired. Also, he was in med school at the time, and could only really take two days off his rotation. He only spent one night with me in the hospital, and I felt he needed his rest to. Plus, it is near impossible to wake him in the middle of the night. I'm a much lighter sleeper, so I'd always wake up whether he offered to let me sleep or not.

Hopefully this time around he will have more time off and I won't feel bad about him not getting any sleep!

amykins1283 · June 2012

Since I had a very difficult labor/delivery (10 hours of labor plus 4 full hours of pushing, and a lot of bleeding) DH stepped up and did everything except breastfeeding because I was just too weak. He changed the diaper,s brought Liam to me, changed his clothes, swaddled, talked to the nurses, etc. He was awesome! We still chose to have Liam spend the first night in the nursery so that I could get more rest.

Mommyluv384 · June 2012

Well this time around I want dh to be home more then at the hospital.. I have a 2 almost 3 year old who I wantbhimto take care of.

Fwiw when she was born he did stay I the room but by the 3rd night I sent him home. I needed some relaxing and alone time. (dd didn't leave my room and I had a cs)

Kdrake8 · June 2012

Lurking...

Our hospital room had no bed or even nice chair for DH - just a plastic covered lounge chair. I sent him to his parents to sleep (they live under 10 min from the hospital). He has sleep apnea, and, honestly, I wanted to get rest, not hear him snoring, choking, and moving against the squeaky plastic all night. Plus I thought it was important for HIM to get rest too, so that he would be ready for me and the baby to come home.

He was super nervous to leave us, but I pointed out that if we needed him, he could be there so fast. He came back about 730am and stayed until 10pm, when I wanted to sleep.

I had no complications and was out of bed about 2.5 hours after delivery. However, DD still went to the nursery. They didn't suggest rooming in, and I didn't question it. There was only one other baby besides DD, so she got great attention and was held most of the time she was there anyway. Obviously they brought her to me to nurse.

Within the first 2 weeks of coming home, DH and I got into a routine that if she wakes at night, he gets her, changes her, and brings her to me. I feed her and we would alternate putting her back down.

LovinTim912 · June 2012

I went through the same thing you did with with mag sulfate, pre-e, etc. I wasn't allowed out of bed, so I DH or a nurse pass me my son and I kept him in the room with for feedings, and they took him back to the nursery once he fell back to sleep. DH did not stay the night with me, and it was totally fine.

I'm thinking this will be the same when this LO is born too.

MangomamaFL · June 2012

For my (currently) only hospital birth my husband rarely left my side. He only left to eat. He so diligent at staying at my side, that my dad was offended that my husband didn't coming skipping out of L & D as soon as our son was born. My husband would rather bond with his new son than to entertain his in-laws.

My room had a chair that unfolds into a bed. He slept there. My husband did the first diaper change of my son. He helped with the care of our son.

Kie310 · June 2012

My husband was there the whole time, didn't stop me from sending DS to the nursery. He was just as new to it as I was, he needed the rest too. I don't regret for a second not rooming in. He was gone from 11pm to 6am. It's the choice we made as a couple.

from 6am to 11pm we had our son with us the entire time & we took turns feeding/changing/holding. He helped me get in and out of bed, helped me get into the bathroom & shower the 2 times I did that.... he was there for me just as much as our son.

Next time, now that we already had a kid, I do not expect that he will stay the whole time (especially if I have another c/s) so I will be sending this child to the nursery for a few hours every night as well.

Once we are home there is no one to willingly be up with him/her all night like that, I'm going to take all the help I can get while I can.

SpecialWife819 · June 2012

The first time around DD roomed in and DH was there and took complete care of her. He basically handed her to me when I needed to feed her or if I was awake and wanted to hold her. It was nice at the time, but we were both so exhausted by the first night home that I rethinking how we'll do it for number 2. One, I may request that he goes home at night and gets DD from my parents so they have that special bonding time and they both sleep in their own beds. I may even send the baby to the nursery, much as I wouldn't want to, but just to get some rest before I get home.

Last time he took about 3 weeks off from work and I believe he going to do that again. It was great. He is very on top of the cooking, cleaning, and kids when I am on the tired side.

PeonyPumps · June 2012

Last time with DS, h stayed the whole time I was there, and every time the baby woke he would change the diaper and hand DS to me, and I would nurse him. This time, while I'm at the hospital, I will do the nights and h will be at home with DS. My parents are unable to care for him very long on their own due to their own health problems, and while I trust our dcp and she will take DS overnight while I labor if needed, I just prefer him to be with my h. When we get home, we'll go back to h changing the diaper and then handing baby to me to nurse.

adventureolive · June 2012

I expect him to put up with me, which is already a pretty big task.

BabyShipp · June 2012

The husband did great on our Dday and the following days! I thought for sure he was going to pass out during delivery since blood can make him queasy but I was pleasantly surprised! He did amazing! He was even "pushing" with me (making the push face apparently, this is what my DR told me) haha!

Our daughter was the first newborn he ever had to deal with and he jumped right in, changing his first poopy diaper the day after DD was born.

He was full hands on from day one! I'm so proud :]

Mee83shell · June 2012

I feel like the minority. DH stayed with me through labor & delivery...I delivered at noon so he was with us that whole day. That night he went home & slept then he went to work. I didn't want him wasting his vacation time when we were in the hospital being taken care of.
He came straight from work to the hospital & stayed until around 11pm. I stayed 2 nights & we both agreed it would be best for us all if he went home & was well rested.
This time he will definitely be home bc someone will need to care for DS. & honestly my parents are a HORRIBLE choice for that lol.

noah-bear · June 2012

Nothing, he wont be there. Lol. I do expect him to get things ready at home

Todd&Laura · June 2012

Mee83shell:
I feel like the minority. DH stayed with me through labor & delivery...I delivered at noon so he was with us that whole day. That night he went home & slept then he went to work. I didn't want him wasting his vacation time when we were in the hospital being taken care of.
He came straight from work to the hospital & stayed until around 11pm. I stayed 2 nights & we both agreed it would be best for us all if he went home & was well rested.
This time he will definitely be home bc someone will need to care for DS. & honestly my parents are a HORRIBLE choice for that lol.

You are not alone. My husband went home the night my son was born and returned the next day around late morning (he did take the day off). I was lucky enough to deliver on a Thursday night so much of the time I was hospitalized was the weekend...discharged on Sunday. He went home every night, although I did call him in the middle of the night toward the end of my stay because I was having an absolutely horrific experience with the night nursing staff and actually needed his help with my son. They were completely unsupportive. Hopefully, next time that will not be an issue.

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