" with the amount of money we give her...."

karleegirl · June 2012

Statements like that are getting old. Everytime I see that crap it makes my blood boil. Should I have to prove all my child related expenses weekly? If I get highlights in my hair but dont buy ds an iPhone with the cs that bd "gives me" am I wrong??? Back in the earlier days of my co I went through this a lot. I heard a rumor I was blowing the cs on myself. I was seen at applebee's blowing my cs and I wouldn't spend the cs on what ds needed. In reality I didn't buy ds a new game system right when he wanted it, and I spent $10 on a drink and appetiZer. I'm sure there are some bm's who do spend cs innapropriatly, but the constant critiquing is a bit much I'm seeing on here. (posting from phone so lack of paragraphs)

wwnbw · June 2012

We pay child support and we also recieve child support. I know PP doesn't agree but in some cases I think the amount of child support is really unfair. We have SS more than EOW but yet DH has to pay like we don't. We also have to pay for everything for SS here because BM sends nothing. If we send something to her house (like a coat) we never see it agian and have to buy a new one. I also don't think it's fair we get him so much in the summer and yet she still gets CS. It really doesn't make sence to me. I could care less how she spends it.

Holly_1007 · June 2012

clearly this was about my FFFC (thought that was flame free.. hmm) anyway, not that I feel the need to defend myself but I wasn't questioning what the BM in our case spends every dime of her CS on, but when she sits there and complains to us multiple times that she cannot come up with $50-$100 for a birthday party for SD once a year, then goes and gets her hair highlighted (upwards of $80 in our area) gets acrylics and a pedicure bi-weekly (upwards of $60 in our area) it gets a HUGE side eye from me.

I understand that it is based on a percentage of DH's income, and that it goes towards rent, food etc. but when we are paying $160/wk in child support, doing ALL the driving for every visitation (approx $80/wk in gas) and on top of that have to pay for our own food toiletries and clothes for SD at our house because BM refuses to send anything, I think I have a right to *** a little bit.

lmpdjc · June 2012

Gah! I hate comments like that. My XH pays a ridiculously small amount of CS and yet it doesn't stop him from making comments when I get my hair done or buy myself a new coat. "Did I pay for that, too?" Uh. No. Your CS doesn't even cover her lunch money for a week. Thanks for playing, though.

I haven't read much on here yet, so I can't speak to the specific comments on this board, though.

CFjo2010 · June 2012

The only time I find the "with the amount of money we give her" comments valid are when we hear stories of BMs who are refusing to work to supplement their income and assist in supporting the child, when BMs are driving brand new cars and wearing pricey brands while the children are wearing ill-fitting clothes, etc. We all know how expensive raising a child is.

Speaking as a BM whose XH has never paid a dime of the CS and therefore I had to work 2 jobs to support myself and my children, I know how much receiving that check each month would have helped. Speaking as a SM whose husband pays a hefty CS amount each month to a BM who refuses to work and earn a living, I also know how infuriating it is to hear the "I'm so broke" and "you should be paying me more" complaints. The sad truth is there are BMs who squander away the CS on themselves, BFs who are deadbeats and don't support their children, BMs who are genuinely struggling and doing the best they can while using the CS for its intended purpose, and BFs who are responsible and doing their part (and sometimes more) to ensure the kids are taken care of.

blush64 · June 2012

I completely agree. I would say most BMs spend the money properly. I didn't receive CS but my ex (and his girlfriend) have still accused me of spending my own money wrong. (we don't speak for the most part)

Some people don't realize that the parent with custody is allowed to have things as well. The amount of CS is income based so it's not like the judge picked a high number out of a hat. (at lease it is based that way here) It's sad more BM and BF can't put the needs of their children before their own.

EDIT (some wording isn't quite right yet)

I did not read the earlier post or most of the earlier comments so I want to say my views are based on my own experiences.

karatechrissy · June 2012

I have a different opinion for dfferent situations. When a NCP is paying a CP, I don't think the NCP has any say over it. they need to bite the bullet and let it go. A CP has WAY more expenses for the child than I think CS begins to pay for. As for 50/50 custody, I'm a firm believer in there should be no CS either way. UNLESS one parent is a dr and is pulling in 6 figures, and the other parent is working at Starbucks for $8.00 an hour.

I know in oursituation, we have 50/50. BMquit her job a month before we went to court for CS adjustment. our state takes 18% of his income, 18% of hers, and whatever the difference is, is what CS amount is. Well, 18% of ours minus 18% of her $0 a month we pay a bunch of money. She got a job a month after court and is making double what we make. And we still.have.to.pay. It DOES piss me off to no end when I see her get her hair bleached every 4 weeks, has her nails done, has pedicures, always posting pics of her mall shopping trips on facebook, and then argues wth DH about SS needing a pair of shoes. PISSES ME THE EFF OFF. I am strugglig to diaper my babies, and she is living life large while we struggle. Yes, I'm mad and bitter. She will never agree to lowering it through a mediator, and we cannot afford more lawyer bills. We are still outstanding on our last jaunt in court last year.

I think a majority of people do not have room to complain though. I only judge our BM because I know the amount we are paying is bogus, and if it were recalculated, we would owe her nothing, or she might even owe us. I don't want money from her. I just want what is fair. That's all.If the number were fair, I woldn't care what she did with the money. Go buy a damn yacht for all I care...

IVFBeliever · June 2012

jobalchak:
The only time I find the "with the amount of money we give her" comments valid are when we hear stories of BMs who are refusing to work to supplement their income and assist in supporting the child, when BMs are driving brand new cars and wearing pricey brands while the children are wearing ill-fitting clothes, etc. We all know how expensive raising a child is.
Speaking as a BM whose XH has never paid a dime of the CS and therefore I had to work 2 jobs to support myself and my children, I know how much receiving that check each month would have helped. Speaking as a SM whose husband pays a hefty CS amount each month to a BM who refuses to work and earn a living, I also know how infuriating it is to hear the "I'm so broke" and "you should be paying me more" complaints. The sad truth is there are BMs who squander away the CS on themselves, BFs who are deadbeats and don't support their children, BMs who are genuinely struggling and doing the best they can while using the CS for its intended purpose, and BFs who are responsible and doing their part (and sometimes more) to ensure the kids are taken care of.

You make some great points here from both perspectives. Thank you for sharing this.

My DH pays over $2000.00 a month to XW and she recently purchased another car (a $40,000 sports car to complement her SUV she has already), went on a trip to NYC etc etc etc (it doesn't end), yet my step sons shoes are falling apart (both pairs he uses) and his mom wouldn't give him any money to get clothes for his cousins communion we went to this weekend and went in his beat up runners, jeans, and one of DH's dress shirts (way too big) because he didn't tell us until the Sunday morning of the communion (so we couldn't even go get him something quick!). My husband and I are struggling and I work full time and he works two jobs!!!!! We have an extremely modest lifestyle. Extremely.

In my opinion his particular CS was calculated VERY VERY unfairly, but I'm sure in alot of cases it is fair. When you see the kids going without BASIC things (not new nintendo systems or iphones...I'm talking clothes and shoes) and when you also see XW/BM living 'the high life' and allowing her kids to go without basic things, it is very very frustrating.

That being said I am aware there are a ton of hardworking Single mother's out there, getting child support OR not getting child support and regardless still working extremely hard (sometimes multiple jobs) to provide for their kids so they can live a good life.

This board, in my opinion, is for venting and advice. For my personal situation, I would be pissed if a birth mother got mad at me for saying a comment like 'for the amount of money we give her' because in my case it is VERY true. I think it's unfair to get upset or frustrated at anyone on this board without truly understanding their situation. Now for serial posters who clearly have very very skewed views and unrealistic expectations, then yes I agree with your frustration....but pick out this person or those people specifically.

I want to thank everyone for their perspectives and experiences. I like this board because I get a little more of the perspective of birth mothers and I value that very much.

I also really value everyones support. I have only been on this board 2 weeks and I have taken alot from it.

Ladies please, continue to vent if needed. Don't censor. Sometimes I'm sure it feels like this is the only group of people that might understand what your going through, and might be the only people that may be able to give you some advice from experience.... explain your situation and we'll all be here for you. Well I can say I will be anyways.

Thanks again for everything ladies. I apologize for the long post.

AmberMH08 · June 2012

I don't bother to say anything about it because there is nothing we can do to make BM change way she spends the money. It is sad to pay$400 a month then have to buy the child clothes for both houses when child comes to our house in 4T undies and actually wears 6... or pants in 98 degree weather. or never has a coat on after we have bought 5 in 1 winter..also that BM can't take child to eye dr to get glasses in 6yrs. That the child comes and asks why BM buys both her other kids nitendo DS for christmas and then gets her a easybake. when the kids start to see the money not going to them it's hard to explain and hard to make up the slack. Its hard be equal with other kids when spending so much on child support and everythig child needs on top of that. there are cases out there that money isnt used the way it should be but there is no point in bitching about it a Real man pays and takes care of his kids and does't complain.

Ilumine · June 2012

As the custodial parent who doesn't get a red cent (but still gets asked to claim SS on her taxes...) but whose BM "lost" her kids $26,000 inheritances, I can see both sides.

My suggestion for those on the receiving end, is to deal with this head on just once and be open. Sure many NCP who pulls this crap is using it out of sour grapes, but like DHs case, we really were concerned when SD went to college and her $16,000 that was left for her college expenses never showed up. Same thing when BM, who didnt pay CS refused to pay for her visitation with SS. WE were the ones who had to live with SSs emotional outbursts. So wanting a basic knowledge of her budget is not an unusual response,

However, when BM came to us AGAIN about claiming SS on her taxes, DH and I had enough. DH said that since she didn't pay a red cent, she couldn't claim him. SE countered with she would start sending CS. DH said don't bother, it wouldn't be enough to cover his costs and it wasn't enough $ to have to deal with her interference. BM got pissy and said that we should..it was for SS...blah blah blah...

DH could have told her to pound sand, but instead took the higher road and put her in her place with a paper trail. We wrote up a budget and used what her current CS (should we have received it) in the calculations

We showed our monthly rent, car payments, insurances (home/renters and car), utilities, gas usage and, groceries (we didn't even include cable or Internet, even though SS is the major user of the Internet) We divided the output by 4.

Then we totaled up SSs individual costs - sports equipment and travel expenses (being in Europe every other weekend was a game at least 90 min away), School expenses, Jr ROTC expenses and every cent we paid for his clothing for that year (BM did buy him his school clothes - all two pairs of pants and 5 tshirts, cause you know every kid likes wearing tshirts when it's only 45 degrees out). We divided that up by 12 and added it the monthly expenses.

Then we just wrote out HER monthly CS next to his monthly expenses.

Yeah....she has never ever commented on CS or complained about what we do with out money.

NCPs tend to not understand the full extent of what it costs to raise a kid. Sure it may seem that it wouldnt cost more with that extra person, but rent/mortgages are more due to needing that extra room. Utilities are more, not just for the actual individual use of water, but a bigger house needs more energy to keep hot/cool.

Reminding them with hard, irrefutable facts tend to shut them down pretty fast.

karleegirl · June 2012

@ ivfbeliever I never said people shouldn't vent. I also said I know there are some ncp who do not spend cs appropriately. So no I don't need to point out the specific people. That statement in my title has been a lot of posts lately and I can't believe every bm/ncp is mis-spending cs. My point was the cp shouldn't have to continually justify their every puchase/ expense. They are entitled to new/nice things. Maybe they budget their money better. YEs if the kids shoes are falling apart and cp won't buy more there is an issue. **** With our first co my ds cs was $105 a week. Daycare alone was $120 weekly. Yet I constantly got the "what is she doing with my money" comments. Chrissy ita that there shouldn't be cs when you have 50/50. (sorry for the rambling dd is up for the 18 th time and I'm out of my mind tired). I'll try to collect my thoughts later

Nineoceans · June 2012

It can be really frustrating when you absolutely love your step child and want them to have the best and pay a reasonable sum a month $500-1000 to be sure they have the best and they come over with no coat, shoes they can't fit, ratty hair

I sent SS to school one of the last days in flip flops and his BM had to come to our house after school to get a pair of sneakers for her weekend. Like really you have no shoes for SS at your house? It is really upsetting to think of a child not getting to do sports or get the school supplies he needs. It also strains your budget so when he comes over you really honestly only can do so much more.

Anyways that's my take on it

wwnbw · June 2012

piffle42:
wwnbw:

We pay child support and we also recieve child support. I know PP doesn't agree but in some cases I think the amount of child support is really unfair. We have SS more than EOW but yet DH has to pay like we don't. We also have to pay for everything for SS here because BM sends nothing. If we send something to her house (like a coat) we never see it agian and have to buy a new one. I also don't think it's fair we get him so much in the summer and yet she still gets CS. It really doesn't make sence to me. I could care less how she spends it.

My lawyer told me that his opinion is that both sets of parents should have clothing, ect for their children at their houses and nothing should have to travel back and forth (judges may not always agree though). I think there are plenty of people that pay minimal CS (like DS's BF) that covers very little. Not that he pays it anyway. I do send clothes with DS when he does actually go to visit his BF, but IMO he can buy a freaking toothbrush and bath wash.

If you have visits with your children more frequently, I do think that should be taken into consideration for the CS though. And I do believe there are cases where people have the CS suspended in the summer when the NCP has the DC for extended periods.

That is a good idea about getting it suspended. If we ever go to court agian I think we will try but we aren't going to be the ones to file something first because we don't have the money. I think BM should send clothes but she never has so it's what we deal with. When we send other SS to his moms we have to send EVERYTHING because she won't buy a thing (deo, toothbrush, oh and if we don't want to him to get a sunburn we better send him sunscreen too).

Ginlyn0 · June 2012

I try not to complain about CS too much but sometimes, you just have to. I see it on both sides. We receive CS and pay CS.

I've said before that I'm super funny about the CS I receive for DD. It is kept in a completely separate account for her. I use it only for items she needs (school clothes, activities, ect.) then I transfer to a savings account for her every few months. We get the bare minimum in support based on when the CO was put into place 11 years ago so it's not even based off current pay for her BD. I did finally attempt to have it adjusted early this year 6 months later, I still have heard nothing from the CS office.

DH pays a substantial amount of money in CS. He lost his job in December and we put in for a modification at the beginning of Jan. We never got any info from the CS office. In March, he got another job as a contract employee for 60 days and then could be hire able (he accepted first offer) and it pays 20K less a year than he was making. We resubmitted the paperwork with a copy of his contract earnings. When he followed up the next month, they said they couldn't process the adjustment based off of contract earnings (WTH?) So he had to wait for his first actual employee paystub which he didn't get until May 15th. They told us it could take close to 2 months after that was submitted. In our state CS is based using a percentage of the NCP's income ONLY, so one would think it would be easier to fix when the NCP has a job loss or job change. We have been paying for 6+ months of CS at a much larger rate than we can afford or should legally have to be paying but we won't see that money back even though the CS office is dragging their heels.

So yeah, DH and I both have been known to complain to each other when we see BM blowing money while she sits on her butt at home. If we were paying the correct amount, it wouldn't be such a big deal and I know that's not her fault but she could agree to adjust it. Oh and BM and her DB DH stopped seeing his daughter 4 years ago and are $18K behind in CS for her so I'm pretty sure I can complain about the way they spend money.

IVFBeliever · June 2012

gin9874:
I try not to complain about CS too much but sometimes, you just have to. I see it on both sides. We receive CS and pay CS.
I've said before that I'm super funny about the CS I receive for DD. It is kept in a completely separate account for her. I use it only for items she needs (school clothes, activities, ect.) then I transfer to a savings account for her every few months. We get the bare minimum in support based on when the CO was put into place 11 years ago so it's not even based off current pay for her BD. I did finally attempt to have it adjusted early this year 6 months later, I still have heard nothing from the CS office.
DH pays a substantial amount of money in CS. He lost his job in December and we put in for a modification at the beginning of Jan. We never got any info from the CS office. In March, he got another job as a contract employee for 60 days and then could be hire able (he accepted first offer) and it pays 20K less a year than he was making. We resubmitted the paperwork with a copy of his contract earnings. When he followed up the next month, they said they couldn't process the adjustment based off of contract earnings (WTH?) So he had to wait for his first actual employee paystub which he didn't get until May 15th. They told us it could take close to 2 months after that was submitted. In our state CS is based using a percentage of the NCP's income ONLY, so one would think it would be easier to fix when the NCP has a job loss or job change. We have been paying for 6+ months of CS at a much larger rate than we can afford or should legally have to be paying but we won't see that money back even though the CS office is dragging their heels.
So yeah, DH and I both have been known to complain to each other when we see BM blowing money while she sits on her butt at home. If we were paying the correct amount, it wouldn't be such a big deal and I know that's not her fault but she could agree to adjust it. Oh and BM and her DB DH stopped seeing his daughter 4 years ago and are $18K behind in CS for her so I'm pretty sure I can complain about the way they spend money.

Wow you definitly can complain! I can't believe that, I'm sorry it's been so rough on you.

I have not seen anyone on this board suggest that the BM justify every nickel she spends so I don't know what the issue there is. (this is in regards to an earlier post) I've never suggested that's the right way to do it by any means....I don't know anyone that has. I think the issues arise when you see the kids CLEARLY going without and the BM clearing living a very very good life. That's my take. I'll shut up now.

CurlyQ284 · June 2012

We pay CS + all insurance + half of anything they need. This includes new bikes or whatever not just medical expenses. I dont really ever say "with the amount of money we give her...!" but when she complains about being broke and its not fair we have good jobs I roll my eyes some and think "maybe if you didnt spend so much on your bar tab..." I dont begrudge her the CS but I dont want to hear the whining when everyone on facebook can see where she spends her money.

lily_721 · June 2012

We don't get any CS from BM. She barely sends any birthday/Christmas gifts to the boys. She doesn't pay for anything: school clothes, activities, etc. She tells the boys she can't afford to pay their plane tickets (then she cries to them to ask DH to give HER money). She buys multiple cars, pets, and motorcycles.

Its frustrating how much I sacrifice of my life/money to raise her children, and she doesn't pay anything.

emikat · June 2012

CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

Schrodinger · June 2012

MelRC117:
I think CS is BS when it's 50/50. Not my fault that the other job hops or is lazy and lives off assistance.

I think if custody is 50/50 and salaries are the same, there should be no CS. I think it should be half the difference. For example: If BF had 100% custody he would receive $200/month. If BM had 100% custody, she would receive $1000/month. The CS amount should be half the difference (1000-200)/2, $400 to BM.

To me, this is fair and accounts for the difference in salaries. Too bad none of the courts or judges agree. I'm with you that basic CS calculators don't have any flexibility for shared custody, they seem to just assume EOW visitation.

jnjmommy0609 · June 2012

I think it all should go to the child obviously. I don't think one bit of it should go to the parent for frivolous spending. That isn't me giving a critique of any kind to a parent. It's me sharing my personal opinion and what I do in my situation.

jnjmommy0609 · June 2012

I am with you on this one. I went back and read the post and she just seems selfish

wwnbw · June 2012

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

Yes

CFjo2010 · June 2012

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

^^ All this. I also disagree with Courts not taking food stamps into consideration. If the CP (even the NCP) is receiving food stamps (or any sort of government assistance) that should really count as income. I know BM in our situation gets $500 in food stamps monthly, and it doesn't count as her income. Um, I'm pretty sure collecting food stamp benefits lowers a person's "need" and should be used in considering CS.

IVFBeliever · June 2012

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

That is SUCH an excellent point. It really is. I'm pregnant and I worry our child will go without because we're supporting a new sports car and vacation trailer ($90,000 total) and DH's kids STILL don't have reasonable shoes on their feet, appropriate dress clothes, anything at all, EVER for entertainment (unless they are with us then we give them money for the movies etc.). We pay for SO much and even extra when they're with us and they get very little at their CP's house. I feel so so so bad for them.

BTW this birth mother ALSO squandered all the money intended for one of the childs room and board and expenses while at university and took the entire $600 a month for that child for herself, and that child is now in DEBT because she could only work so much during university (she was an excellent student and kept amazing grades). DH sent EXTRA money to her because he felt so badly for her that her mother wouldn't give her anything.

Isn't CSP supposed to go towards keeping one room in a house plus food, toiletries, and other incidentals? My SD didn't get a cent, BM kept all $600 every month and wouldn't even pay for a flight home for her she tried to guild DH into doing it for her. I wanted to scream "LIKE HELLO! GIVE HER SOME MONEY FOR FOOD AND FOR HER TOILETRIES ETC!!!!!! YOU'RE NOT BUYING ANY FOOD OR ANYTHING FOR HER EACH MONTH SHE'S ONLY HOME 3 MONTHS A YEAR!!!"

These situations when the child doesn't even live at home because of college/university ALSO needs to be looked at . A portion of that childs CSP should go to the mother to help keep the house, but majority SHOULD be going to the child.

Sorry for the extra rant. It's just these situations really bother me. My DH doesn't mind paying CSP at all. He wants to badly to support his children and it drives us both so insane when they're not being supported and yet BM still tried to make DH out as a cheap bastard because he won't keep giving extra and extra and extra on top of it for every whim.

And for the record these issues are not always with BM's in general, so it's not that I'm (or i think any one else) is ever trying to pick on birth mothers in general is think it's more the custodial parent issue. Most CP's tend to be the females, and most people on here are females as well and may are SM's so see this all first hand.

I want to thank all of you BM's/CP's who really make the effort to make sure that the CSP is used towards the house and the kids. I really wish every CP was as responsible as some of you seem to be. It's nice to hear your stories about how you support the kids and work so hard. Thank you. I am jealous and wish some of you were the BM's in our situation.

SueBear · June 2012

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

I don't see this as unfair at all. I couldn't afford to have more than two children - so I stopped having kids!!! The parent having additional children with their second, third, (or fourth.....) partner knows what their budget is up front before the younger siblings are born. If anyone is being unfair to their kids from the second (+!) marriage/partnership, it's the parents who keep procreating when they know they can't afford it.

Kaeldrasmommy · June 2012

SueBear:

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

I don't see this as unfair at all. I couldn't afford to have more than two children - so I stopped having kids!!! The parent having additional children with their second, third, (or fourth.....) partner knows what their budget is up front before the younger siblings are born. If anyone is being unfair to their kids from the second (+!) marriage/partnership, it's the parents who keep procreating when they know they can't afford it.

I can't agree with this. Not all CS arrangements are made before the birht of more children or remain the same over the years. Where you may be able to afford another child to begin with, the situation may change. And in the situations that are being referenced here, a new spouse, or more the new couple, shouldn't be prevented from having children together because one of them is still essentially supporting the ex. It's almost like the old concubine idea, where the wife would live somewhere else and work and send money to the husband and concubine to support them.

znianiswan · June 2012

edited by mod

limpetfan · June 2012

emikat:
CS calculations can be unfair. We have to pay a huge sum every month while BM lives with her mom and doesn't have a job (with a professional degree under he belt). And none of the courts care if you have children in your household to take care of in addition. It's unfairly weighted to take care of children of divorce. I feel sorry for the invisible children at homes of NCPs that don't get what they need because CS is so high in certain cases going out to their siblings. There needs to be a fairer system. And it needs to take into account those people not paying rent, etc.

Ab-so-freaking-lutely!!! As a person about to have a child with my NCP DH, I could not agree more.

brandyleighxx · June 2012

My DH & I have to deal with a BM that DOES inappropriately spend her money. So, based on my experience, yes I do think that parents that receive CS should show where their income is going. I also think that their salary & if living with or re-married, their SO's salary should be taken into consideration as well.

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