Appropriate for an 8 year old?

sowingseasons · June 2012

I need help with this issue.

My bf has an 8 year old son. He lives with us on weekends. A few months ago he told us that his mom and her bf force him to watch adult scary movies to toughen him up so that he will want to sleep in his own room.

That alone bothered me because the logic didn't add up. His father was upset and asked his mother to stop allowing him to view adult scary movies. We mentioned that we had no problem with him watching Are you afraid of the dark ( old Nickelodeon show), Goosebumps, etc

Today his cousin was over and he started listing all the different Jason movies he watched and then mentioned that he has seen psycho and candyman.

Am I being irrational to think that these movies are REALLY NOT age appropriate for an 8 year old?!?!

My baby is not due until Aug. so I am not worried so much yet about him talking about these movies in front of her but we do have other kids visit here ( roommates children).

Should I ask him to talk to the mom again? Is this not my place? HELP

wwnbw · June 2012

I don't think it's appropriate but I don't think there is much you can do. My SS goes to his mom's EOW and she lets him watch moives we would never in a million years dream of letting him watch (the sitter, the hangover, pineapple express, and the list goes on). If some movie is coming out he will tell us he can't wait to see him mom so that she will let him see such and such movie. She burned him a CD with "I can make your bed rock" when it first came out. He was NINE! We took the CD and told her that was not appropriate. But we can't do anything about what she does on her time.

ETA: I think it is very mean that she makes him watch those movies. But at the same time we make SS ride rides at places like six flags LOL I'm not sure if that makes us bad parents

Kaeldrasmommy · June 2012

That is very far from appropriate. I seriously doubt that there is anything that you can do except urge him to talk to you and your bf about what scares him. It's good you aren't worried about your baby, by the time that he could be scaring her with those sorts of things it will be more age appropriate for him and he will be far less likely to do so.

AmberMH08 · June 2012

We had same situation with SD she will be 8 in few days and they watch alot movies I would never let her or any of my kids watch... but honestly it will probably just piss the BM off. I wouldn't bother saying anything because there is nothing u can do to change how she controls the SS at her house.

another huge reason why sharign a child SUCKS!

Ilumine · June 2012

Sure it is inappropriate for SS. And your DH needs to Adress it again.

However, the whole "I don't want him influencing my/other children" crap is just that crap. Honestly, what kind of influence do you think his comments about watching these movies are going to have on the other child?

You treat any "fall out" like you would with any other differences your kid is going to run into, you know like when your child's classmate gets to watch Spongebob and your kid doesn't. Or Your child's cousin has the entire set of Barbie and your child only has skipper.Or when the neighbor kid uses a swear word he heard from his older brother.

You talk it through and move on. But you don't freak out.

karleegirl · June 2012

wwnbw:
I don't think it's appropriate but I don't think there is much you can do. My SS goes to his mom's EOW and she lets him watch moives we would never in a million years dream of letting him watch (the sitter, the hangover, pineapple express, and the list goes on). If some movie is coming out he will tell us he can't wait to see him mom so that she will let him see such and such movie. She burned him a CD with "I can make your bed rock" when it first came out. He was NINE! We took the CD and told her that was not appropriate. But we can't do anything about what she does on her time.

ETA: I think it is very mean that she makes him watch those movies. But at the same time we make SS ride rides at places like six flags LOL I'm not sure if that makes us bad parents

Wow the hangover..that's bad. I do hope I'd hour ss is truly scared of certain rides you don't force him on them. I don't think it makes You a bad parent. **

karleegirl · June 2012

Ilumine:
Sure it is inappropriate for SS. And your DH needs to Adress it again.
However, the whole "I don't want him influencing my/other children" crap is just that crap. Honestly, what kind of influence do you think his comments about watching these movies are going to have on the other child?
You treat any "fall out" like you would with any other differences your kid is going to run into, you know like when your child's classmate gets to watch Spongebob and your kid doesn't. Or Your child's cousin has the entire set of Barbie and your child only has skipper.Or when the neighbor kid uses a swear word he heard from his older brother.
You talk it through and move on. But you don't freak out.

This

Nineoceans · June 2012

His mom is a jerk seriously and I do not say that lightly. Goosebumps is too scary for my almost 8 yo SS. I would have a huge problem if his mom was doing this. Like contacting the attorney huge problem

Nineoceans · June 2012

Also I know Jason and a lot of the older slasher movies have a crap ton of nudity and sex scenes. I think you would have a case that she makes poor decisions. During our custody BM thought that dh was letting SS listen to a certain radio station even though we don't even have radio we just stream pandora in the car and the worst we let him listen to is today's pop. But I remember she made that an issue that was discussed in court and had to be proven false by a social worker visiting our home and looking in our cars at our radio presets

Wahoo · June 2012

Those movies scare me!!!

I think your H should say something, but not be surprised if BM doesn't listen to him.

In fact, I think H should re-iterate his feelings in an email that would also serve to document those statements / the situation. IMO, this treatment is (emotionally) abusive. I know you can't call CPS about movie watching, but if you notice a pattern of similar behavior from BM, you need to take steps to protect him.

CurlyQ284 · June 2012

Sure, its inappropriate but like everyone else says, I dont know that there's much you can do about it. FWIW, my brother has a big appreciation for horror movies and we had zero oversight from my parents, in fact they may have rented them for him. He was 8 and I was 6. We both turned out alright.

HeartyMom · June 2012

Agreed- those movies are deeply inappropriate for elementary school age children!

In my experience, anytime I make a request of my ex- the exact opposite of that request happens. My son is almost 10 now, and I've found that talking things out with him directly works best. In many cases I don't even communicate my frustrations with the ex... it always backfires.

If he doesn't like that type of movie- you shouldn't have to worry about him discussing them around other kids or trying to re-inact them.

fellesferie · June 2012

Two things--

1) I watched a lot of horror when I was a kid. USA network used to do this thing called Saturday Nightmares, and they'd play all these old scary movies. My younger sister & I were allowed to stay up late and sleep on the sofabed in our playroom. It was SO much fun, and I look back on that pretty fondly. We couldn't have been older than maybe 9 and 6 or so. These movies were edited for TV, though.

2) I think making the kid watch the movies is totally f'ed up, and sounds borderline abusive IMO.

So I find the movie thing less worrisome than the thought process.

znianiswan · June 2012

edited by mod

sowingseasons · June 2012

Always interested in what these said

babymamaof4 · June 2012

This is so hard because your choices and decisions are certainly within what most would consider reasonable and rational and even what is best. Unfortunately, what happens at mom's house and what happens at dad's house (when it comes to rules and decisions of care) vary at each house. Most parenting plans talk about this specifically you should check the one you have with your SS before you cross a line and escalate an already uncomfortable situation.

Is it hard- YES! Can you find "alternative" methods of battle....YES- but check your boundaries before you cross them. I battle this issue with my ex- ALL the time- but on different subject matter. You are smart; find a way to battle this out without having to even involve the mom. Help SS with skills to think of other things, or sing little songs in his head so he doesn't think of what he is watching- maybe have him say he wants to call dad- or maybe find a video of how they make horror films so he understand just how fake it is.

Bottom line sounds like the mom's bf is a douche- and maybe mom is a bit of one too, but in the end it should really be about teaching your SS how to deal and handle situations that make him uncomfortable in the long run that will pay off in spades. Good luck- hopefully at least she makes him brush his teeth (that?s the one that drives me NUTS with my ex)

Want a personalized experience?

Appropriate for an 8 year old?

Re: Appropriate for an 8 year old?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards