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Pregnant after a Loss
I'm in tears, things finally came to a head...(vent)
So things finally came to a head with my husband and I. There has been tension for quite some time. We got into an argument this morning and emotional me said "I wish I wasn't pregnant". He replies, "me too". I asked him why and he said because of times like this right now (our arguing I guess?). I told him that I just really don't like him right now. He said the same thing about me and then it was a back and forth of things about each other that have been bothering us and that we don't like and we need to work on. The conversation never came to an end, as he was planning on leaving, and went ahead and left. He will be gone, with my son, all day. I am hurt and pissed and questioning our marriage and I know that he is doing the same.
Reading back through this, this sounds so petty, but it has been going on for a long time. We rarely talk, we rarely have sex, we are snarky with each other quite often, and neither one of us has done anything to try to fix it. Hell, sometimes I think I don't even want to try to fix it and just want to be done with him. Now, you are going to ask, "So why did you get pregnant instead of fixing the problems first or just getting a divorce?" My answer to that is that when we do get along and things are going well, its really nice. Obviously we were in that "phase" when I got pregnant. I feel like running away. ;(
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Re: I'm in tears, things finally came to a head...(vent)
I'm sorry you and DH are having a rough time now. I'm a big believer in communication, as is DH, so if things are bothering us we usually speak up. I find that tends to nearly eliminate the issues of everything boiling until one huge explosion happens. We still have the occasional verbal blow out, don't get me wrong. But I think it makes it easier to get over if issues have been discussed over time b/c then neither of you are bringing up all this stuff that happened previously up.
The only advice I feel I can give is that both of you need to talk once you've calmed down. It's easy to start questioning things when you're emotionally strained. I think it's also easy to get so caught up in the TTCAL process that sometimes the core of the relationship gets lost. Having sex is no longer about being romantic or intimate, it's about timing, and etc. Right now your hormones are out of whack, and then on top of that dealing with the mindset that is PGAL.
I don't know the scope of your problems or the things that you guys are arguing about. And if you decide that you both want to try to make things work, make sure you have time for each other that isn't related to PG or kids or work or anything else that causes stress. Just the two of you having an opportunity to have fun and enjoy being with each other.
Good luck!
It's time for the two of you to step up and do what you need to fix this, for the sake of both of your children and yourselves.
Right now, you are a pregnant, hormonal, emotional mess. We all are. So now is definitely not the time to make permanent marital decisions like divorce, especially if things are normally good. But, you should still seek couples counseling, so that you can learn to understand why you each feel this way and what the stressor is that is triggering these feelings, and hopefully will move out of this phase sooner rather than later.
These phases of marriage are totally normal, and you both need to keep that in mind, and that this too shall pass, you just have to be willing to do what it takes to get through it and come out successfully on the other side. These are the challenges that make a marriage stronger if you put in the time and effort to maintain and fix it.
Good luck, hope you all feel better soon.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
M/C Nov 9, 2011 at 11 weeks.... We love you & miss you
Thank you. Even reading this right now makes me cry. I am a hot mess for sure. This sucks. I need to put my big girl panties on.......maybe by the end of the day.
DH and I have definitely had these moments in the past, and I have to agree with OP that said it can get worse during pregnancy.
I'm definitely more emotional and needy and can see how it affects DH and our fights. DH is also more on edge with financial stress and worry about me.
You definitely need to try to talk it out and make decisions on a level head. Try to take a day to get a way if need be, sometimes getting out of your surroundings can really help! Counseling is another great option. Thinking of you. HUGS
BFP 1 4/2010 M/C 5/1/2010 8w2d EDD 12/10/10 BFP 2 5/5/2011 C/P?? 5/14/2011 5w2d EDD 01/12/12 BFP 3 3/12/2012 EDD 11/23/12 Ultrasound 4/11/12 H/B 160bpm! It's a GIRL!