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So much for sleep training...

LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
in Attachment Parenting

I haven't been here for a while because I am going through some tough times. Basically I have moved out, into a small 1 bedroom apartment very close to H and we now have DD 2-3 days at a time. I have DD's travel crib and cushioned it with sheets (it has nothing that seems like a mattress) and I sleep in a 'double bed' (European double beds are tiny, this is like an over grown single). Out of guilt and unfamiliarity with the new place I started letting DD falling asleep in my bed, then I transfer her to the crib when I go to bed. I spend almost an hour every night stroking her hair and singing lullabies to make her go to sleep. She now also wakes up around 1-2 am and calls for me and I take her over to my bed where she spend the rest of the night. She is a very messy sleeper, once she rolled down on the floor in the middle of the night, on better nights she just kicks me in the head.

I feel really stupid that we spent so much time teaching her to fall asleep in her own bed and sleeping through the night and she was amazing at that until a couple of months ago. I think at her dad's place she still does this but I haven't asked lately. She has her own room there which obviously makes a difference.

Should I try to get her back into that habit and refuse her to get into bed with me at night? I am not sure I have the strength to do that but as much as I don't think it is 'wasted time' to spend an hour with her, making her fall asleep, I don't want to continue doing this for the next 4 years. I long back to the days where I said goodnight and left her drowsy but awake and she was asleep within 5 minutes. Oh, and the guilt that pulls me both ways.

Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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Re: So much for sleep training...

  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member
    I am so sorry you are going through so much. Transitions always mess with sleep, so I would just regard it as temporary. When you are ready to be more firm, be more firm, but don't worry about it now unless it is causing problems right now. I am sure right now you both find the extra cuddles comforting. {hugs}
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  • LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member

    imagefredalina:
    Also, I'm just so sorry for what is happening. To move halfway across the world, not have family, and not live with your partner or child full time is very tough, no matter the specific circumstances leading to the separation. ((Hugs))  We're here for your support.

    Thanks, that means a lot to me right now. Although it was my choice to move out, it was  not easy. I feel really guilty about if but I'm not sure our relationship is going the right way right now. 

    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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  • Temp123197812503460Temp123197812503460

    I hope this isnt creepy, but I've been reading your blog/posts for a while (I used to be an expat) and I was so sad for you to read your post. 

    Like the other said,  I think doing what you need to for you and your daughter now is totally the right thing! It would probably be more confusing for her if you change what you do so I would just keep it consistent.  It doesn't mean you have to do it for the next 4 years.

     

    I will be thinking about you and hope you are doing ok during this difficult time.

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  • webMistress0609webMistress0609 member
    No advice that pp haven't given you already, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. And we are definitely here for you.
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  • Athena0809Athena0809 member
    ((Hugs)) I don't particularly have any advise, I think in tough times especially when that means any type of transitions I think I would just be in "survival mode". I totally understand about the guilty but at the end of the day IMO I want to do what feels right for me and my child. Like the PP said, I too, follow your blog and I hope it doesn't sound creepy but often find myself thinking of you and sending you good vibes.
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  • znianiswanznianiswan

    Transitions always mess with sleep, so I would just regard it as temporary. When you are ready to be more firm, be more firm, but don't worry about it now unless it is causing problems right now. 

     

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  • LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
    imagesomewhereincali:

    I hope this isnt creepy, but I've been reading your blog/posts for a while (I used to be an expat) and I was so sad for you to read your post. 

     Not creepy at all, I write it for other people to read :-)

     Thanks for all the kind words, I really appreciate it. 

    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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  • 3003girl3003girl member

    oh - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. FWIW I highly suggest couples counseling if you are open to that sort of thing. I did it with my ex, and even though we didn't get back together, it helped us tremendously and we are still friendly. 

    Anyway, I second what PP said about it just being rough getting through a transition. I know when I was gone for a week a while ago, LO was CLINGY for days afterwards and it took her a while to stop asking where I was or if I'd be back when I left the room. I'm sure she is just needing some extra snuggles.

    Good luck. 

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  • LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
    imagesolidio:

    oh - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. FWIW I highly suggest couples counseling if you are open to that sort of thing. I did it with my ex, and even though we didn't get back together, it helped us tremendously and we are still friendly. 

    Thanks. We are seeing a counselor right now, but I feel we started too late. I wish we had started in January or February when I realized things were bad. It might have saved me from moving out. And no matter what happens we have a daughter that we need to think of in terms of being sensible around.

    In terms of sleeping we are traveling (again!) right now and DD is sleeping with me anyway due to practicalities so I can imagine her being confused. 

    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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