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Blended Families
Your thoughts
We have had SS since May 18. We picked him up the day of Kindergarden graduation and are supose to have him unil Aug 15. He has talked to BM 2 times between May 18 and now. She called DH last night to ask if he has been asking about her Boyfriend (she cheated on DH with him and they have been together ever since) or his kids (ss calls them his brothers). BM and her Boyfriend have had a rocky relationship to the point where both of them have bruses and SS even displays anxiety due to this if someone raises their voice (he will run and hid if I yell out the back door for the dog to come inside). Anyway, DH told BM that SS haddnt even mentioned Boyfriend. BM was happy because apparently she kicked him out again (over christmas break he left bruses on bm and DH only let SS return to his mom's with the understanding that SS would not be near boyfriend, that lasted 2 weeks). She also mentioned that she is really liking not having SS around and isnt sure if she wants him back for the school year. SS is doing amazing with us now. I posted a few weeks back that SS was having issues with the pets, he is now better with that (i'm thinking he was just acting out) and also mentioned that he didnt want to return to his mom because she just plops him infront of the tv and he doesnt get to do anything. DH and I have been working with him on his numbers and reading so he will be ahead of the other kids when he gets into school (hoping to make up for Bm lack of motivation).
I'm wondering if anyone has any insight on Iowa law. Would the courts take into consideration what a 6 year old wants? BM says she doesnt want him, but also will not give up the child support because she does not work.
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Re: Your thoughts
unfortunately we just got the current co signed by her (only took 2 years to get one she would agree on). DH and BM did not have a co for the first 3 years as they were together, then she cheated and DH had ss for a year until she wanted to "visit" and took SS back to Iowa with her. since there was no co both parents had the same rights to the child and they have been fighting ever since. She finally signed stating we get him for summers and every holiday break and will meet us 1/2 way during transport (which she now cannot afford to do apparently). DH and I have already discussed this possibly happening since she does not have SS most of the time he is with her any way (he stays at her parents 4 nights of the week).unfortunately BM told DH this on the phone and we have been documenting everything she has been putting on Facebook since he left.
I really don't think a court will take into consideration what a six year old says, unless it involves neglect or abuse. In that case I would imagine there would need to be a court psychologist involved? And she cannot get child support if the child does not live with her. It sounds like now would be a good time to get in contact with a lawyer and try to negotiate to keep your SS.
Once again I am blown away to hear of a mother who doesn't want to take care of her own child. Just sad and disgusting. I can't imagine sending my son away all summer much less for an indefinite period of time.
How far away from her do you live? Did your H move away from his son?
In my opinion, Iowa sucks. I second la79al's suggestion.
Take custody, get her agreement, don't mess with the c/s.
Pay c/s for like a year, then after he's established with you, make a motion to adjust c/s.
It will suck paying her for a year, but I wouldn't take my chances with the court system there. They are very pro-mother, anti-father, in our experience.
We had to wrangle a deal with BM outside of the courts to get what we needed.
This is what we have been seeing. BM told her entire family that SS is not going back to Iowa for school ( we found this out when her dad texted Dh Saturday night to see if he could still skype ss). Um really? our attorney has everything, and told us that if we could get ss for 90 days in ND then he would be considered a resident of ND and she would have to come to ND to fight us. I just hate seeing how her lack of being a parent effects ss. He is such a sweet little boy, and every time she calls, he acts out (granted she has only called twice, but still). He needs a stable home, which he does not have in Iowa.