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Need to tell XH about pregnancy eventually, right?

CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
in Blended Families

The kiddos leave in a few days for their father's and while they have known about the baby for about 6 weeks or so, I still haven't put on my BGP and told XH.

I know I need to do it.  I know that it would be juvenile to let the kids do my dirty work for me.  But man, I really don't want to.  It's going to become a huge fight full of nastiness and inappropriate comments to the kids.  It won't be quite as bad as when we told BM about the baby, but it will be close.  The interstate action for CS was finally sent to TN, so he should be receiving notice of that pretty soon.  Add my new bundle of joy to the CS enforcement and he's going to blow his top.

I promise I'll suck it up and do it before the kids get out there.  As in, I'll email him right when the plane takes off.... Embarrassed

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Re: Need to tell XH about pregnancy eventually, right?

  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    You should probably tell him as soon as possible. That way he'll have a few days to get over his nastiness before the kids get there.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    You should probably tell him as soon as possible. That way he'll have a few days to get over his nastiness before the kids get there.

    I know, I know, I know.  But considering it's been 7 years and he still isn't over his nastiness from the divorce and CS order, I'm thinking he'll need a lot more than a few days with this nugget.

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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    I really don't understand why X's freak out about new pregnancies, I mean, you guys have been married for a while right? he's gotta see it coming! whats he really going to be mad about??

    sorry, I'm not meaning to downplay your situation, by any means, I just don't get it.  

    and I agree with PP's, let him know sooner rather than later so he has time to cool down BEFORE the kids get there...

                           
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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    imagejobalchak:

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    You should probably tell him as soon as possible. That way he'll have a few days to get over his nastiness before the kids get there.

    I know, I know, I know.  But considering it's been 7 years and he still isn't over his nastiness from the divorce and CS order, I'm thinking he'll need a lot more than a few days with this nugget.

    Hmm. How old are your kids? Would they maybe be old enough to prefer that he not know until afterward so their trip isn't unpleasant and not mention it? If so, you may want to discuss that possibility with them. I'm sorry I'm not much use on this one, since BM dissapeared we never had to tell her. It was quite a shock when she turned up out of the blue and told DH 'so I hear you have a little girl now'. We still don't even know how she found out.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    Thanks for the kick in the butt ladies. I emailed him this evening and am calming myself with ice cream. 

     Holly, I have no idea why exes get so upset. BM flipped out when we told her about the pregnancy and they've been broken up for over 7 years. My XH and I have been divorced for nearly 7 years. I've been with my husband for a solid 5 years (including marriage) so one would think this would be expected.  I think the hostility stems from their lives not being what they thought it would be. 

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  • SaranSaran member
    Maybe we missed the class on blended families protocol, but I didnt know you had to formally let ex's know of pregnancies? This is pregnancy #3 for me and DH & I have never discussed when to tell his ex wife. We've always discussed when to tell the kids and just assumed they would inform their mom themselves, which they always do. She has then said something to us next time she saw or talked to DH.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imageSaran:
    Maybe we missed the class on blended families protocol, but I didnt know you had to formally let ex's know of pregnancies? This is pregnancy #3 for me and DH & I have never discussed when to tell his ex wife. We've always discussed when to tell the kids and just assumed they would inform their mom themselves, which they always do. She has then said something to us next time she saw or talked to DH.

    I think if you're dealing with perfectly rational people, it's probably ok to let the kids tell BM/BF. Unfortunately, the BM and BF in my situation have a tendency to react to every tiny thing in the most juvenile manner possible and view mine and my husband's happiness as an "attack" against them. With this pregnancy we told BM while K was with us for the weekend so she could get it out of her system before picking up K. 6 weeks later and she's still baby-bashing to K. My XH will likely react the same way.  

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  • kimmygirl77kimmygirl77 member
    Who cares what he thinks? You dont have to listen to his rants right? Why cant you just ignore his nastiness? Tell him that you are letting him know out of courtesy and then dont discuss it anymore. If he tries to berate you about it tell him that your pregnancy and your and DH's child is none of his business and leave it at that. I would ignore all texts or emails that have anything to do with your new baby. It is none of his business! Makes me mad when the exes think they have a say in your choices after the relationship is over.
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  • bdbelladonnabdbelladonna

    lol im almost 26 weeks and i havent told XH. and i will not. we generally do not speak to each other, as he is very jealous that i moved on with my life. if there is something with the kids that i feel he needs to know i tell him. otherwise its none of his business, advise i received from a lawyer and the psychologist my DS use to see.

    i would love to be able to have a rational conversation with my XH but he didnt want the divorce, so hes mad that im remarried. plus im honestly worried about this reaction towards me if i make a point to tell him, as after DD was born he got 'fixed' so he does not have the option of more kids where i obviously do.

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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    imagejobalchak:

    imageSaran:
    Maybe we missed the class on blended families protocol, but I didnt know you had to formally let ex's know of pregnancies? This is pregnancy #3 for me and DH & I have never discussed when to tell his ex wife. We've always discussed when to tell the kids and just assumed they would inform their mom themselves, which they always do. She has then said something to us next time she saw or talked to DH.

    I think if you're dealing with perfectly rational people, it's probably ok to let the kids tell BM/BF. Unfortunately, the BM and BF in my situation have a tendency to react to every tiny thing in the most juvenile manner possible and view mine and my husband's happiness as an "attack" against them. With this pregnancy we told BM while K was with us for the weekend so she could get it out of her system before picking up K. 6 weeks later and she's still baby-bashing to K. My XH will likely react the same way.  

    My DD told me about her Dad and his gf having a baby.  I didn't have an opinion either way, other than I thought it was soon and maybe they should of thought about being married first.  But I kept my opinions to myself, and acted excited for my DD, as she was thrilled to be a big sister!

     

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imagebebe11:
    imagejobalchak:

    imageSaran:
    Maybe we missed the class on blended families protocol, but I didnt know you had to formally let ex's know of pregnancies? This is pregnancy #3 for me and DH & I have never discussed when to tell his ex wife. We've always discussed when to tell the kids and just assumed they would inform their mom themselves, which they always do. She has then said something to us next time she saw or talked to DH.

    I think if you're dealing with perfectly rational people, it's probably ok to let the kids tell BM/BF. Unfortunately, the BM and BF in my situation have a tendency to react to every tiny thing in the most juvenile manner possible and view mine and my husband's happiness as an "attack" against them. With this pregnancy we told BM while K was with us for the weekend so she could get it out of her system before picking up K. 6 weeks later and she's still baby-bashing to K. My XH will likely react the same way.  

    My DD told me about her Dad and his gf having a baby.  I didn't have an opinion either way, other than I thought it was soon and maybe they should of thought about being married first.  But I kept my opinions to myself, and acted excited for my DD, as she was thrilled to be a big sister!

    I wish more BM's/BF's behaved like you!! I think it's so incredibly important to "fake it" for the kiddos so that they don't feel apprehensive about the new baby.

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