Almost 4 year old not staying in bed
So my son (will be 4 end of July) used to be a great sleeper at night until about 2-3 months ago. He had a toddler bed when it started, and began waking up several times a night to come in my room and try and get in my bed. I would always take him back, comfort him, and then return to my room (I'm a single Mom). A few times, I'd let him stay in my bed out of delerium (I also work full time), but it didn't get better. He would have a few good nights and then it owuld start again. It also doesn't seem to matter if he's had a long or short nap (he still naps pretty consistently).
I tried a behavior board (reward for staying in his bed) which sometimes worked, sometimes didn't, so about 2 weeks ago, I converted his bed to a bid boy bed (from a toddler to a full). Seemed to help for a few days, but now has gotten even worse. Last night he was up 9 times from 9 PM until 4, when I finally gave in and let him sleep with me so I would at least get an hour or 2 of sleep before work.
He won't tell me why he wants to come in my bed (usually makes excuses that vary from "I have a stomach ache", to "i need to pee pee" (which he usually doesn't have to, he's been holding it through the night since he was 2 1/2) to "my pillows fell off my bed". Any suggestions? I feel like I have a newborn. He has a night light, his own bathroom, can get in and out of bed on his own (obviously), shows no behavior issues during the day.
Re: Almost 4 year old not staying in bed
I'm having the same problem with my 4 year old, she says she's scared of the shadows in her room and can't sleep.
My crappy sleeper who didn't STTN regularly until after 3 does this now. He gets up most nights around 2 or 3 and comes into our room. For a long time, we'd let him up into our bed because I need sleep and have a teething toddler that wakes me many times a night.
I've recently told him he can sleep on the pillows I lay next to my bed and most of the time, it works. I think he just wants to be near us. I remember doing the same thing when I was a child. I figure, hey, as long as he's asleep and not waking me up, I don't care where he sleeps. It won't be like this when he's 13.
I've tried many time. He usually says "I don't know" or pulls out one of the reasons he used the night before (which vary).
My son goes through these phases too.
Sometimes he gets up 10 times right after we put him to bed, other times he gets up in the middle of the night. We have tried rewards (getting to watch a show in the AM) and nothing seemed to "fix it" until we stopped making it a big deal.
When he gets up if he says he needs something (bathroom, water, etc) we give it to him, or when we see him we silently walk him back to his bed, tuck him in, say we love him and go out. No chatter, no excuses, just goodnight. Other nights we have told him that we tuck him in once and if he gets up again we wont tuck him in again (he hates that). Two different approaches that work on different days.
GL!
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We had the same problem as well. Here are some of the things we tried until we found the right "combo" to keep him n bed. Radio, bed tent, moon night light, fan, bribes, plus many more. What works for DS is radio, fan, and his moon night light. We also have a pretty strict bedtime routine. Bath, lotion, book, and then lights out. We do this every.single.night, and it really seems to work.
Good luck!
3.5 to 4 is a prime time for night time fear and anxiety. My DS was a fantastic sleeper, but he struggled when he was 3ish with night waking. Like your son, he would make different excuses: needing water, needing to blow his nose, can't fall back to sleep, I'm lonely, I'm ready to get up, I thought I heard something, etc. He never said he was scared and was never able to give a "reason" why this was happening.
I finally realized that he was just waking and feeling anxious. You know how babies wake a lot when they hit major milestones? Well, I have noticed that this older kids can have sleep disruptions when they go through major developmental spurts as well. It's just that major developmental spurts creep up on you when they're older. At right around the time he was waking a lot, my son was changing from a 3 y/o who was not all that different from an 18-month old, to a 3 1/2 year old who could comfortably hang with kindergartners. That's a LOT of change in a short time. All those changes happened in the cognitive, emotional, and social parts of him, but I'm sure they were no less disruptive to his sleep than when he learned to crawl or walk as a baby.
To get him through this stage without forming bad habits, I had him practice "thinking happy thoughts" so that he would feel less lonely and scared when he woke up. We came up with a list of "happy thoughts." At the time, he was obsessed with Lightning McQueen. I got him a poster to put near his bed, so he could look at Lightning and think about Radiator Springs when he woke up. Instead of going into his room, I would yell in "think happy thoughts, buddy! Who are you thinking about?" He would chirp back "Lightning and Sally!" This helped him stay independent and get back on track with good sleep habits.
This is really good insight and advice. Thank you.
You're quite welcome! I feel like I've really walked a mile in your shoes in this case. Your description of your son's night waking was SO similar to my son at just about that age!
It got better gradually, with the whole phase lasting about 5 months. At one point he was waking and calling to us multiple times each night -- ugh! That only lasted for about 6 weeks, though.
I also told him that I would come to him only one time each night. So when he woke up, instead of going to him, I would say, "Do you want this to be your 'one time' or do you want to save that for later?" He would usually decide to save it for later. In this way, we were able to get him to go back to sleep on his own most of the time. But if he really needed something, he could ask for it.