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Blended Families
dmndsr4eva
member
FML why is this so damn hard?
dmndsr4eva
member
Sooo we went to court back in late april finally so that I could get the normal amount of cs. He was only paying me 30% (voluntarily) of what he was supposed to.
So since then I've noticed his hostility has increased greatly. We do not have a CO addressing holidays in place yet. Anytime we have needed an adjustment to the schedule we ususally text or email and sometimes it goes smooth and other times it is a huge fight.
So I was wondering when he would talk to me about father's day becuz normally he drops DS off with me on Sunday mornings at 9. So I get a call from my attorney today saying his attorney requested father's day for him. Really? Are we at that point now? He can't even email me to ask for the day? I have to pay my effing attorney a hundred bucks or more so he can ask me this? I totally can see why it didn't work out. He is the most hard headed person on the planet. So are we going to have to get a judge to sign off on a document regarding a fathers day visit?
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Re: FML why is this so damn hard?
We do not have a CO addressing holidays in place yet.
It sounds like he's begun wanting to make holidays official.
keep in mind- he is paying his attorney as well... he will get sick of it REALLLYYY quick. he probably just has a bad taste in his mouth about the child support stuff.
you can very easily e-mail him and say that you got the request from the attorney, you are fine with him having DS until x o'clock and would prefer not to go through attorneys for every minute detail.
either you go back to court and establish a CO for holidays, or you could always try to involve a parent coordinator or moderator for holiday arrangements, its cheaper than an attorney.
You harass him, and so he doesn't want to deal with you directly.
We tell people here all the time to go through their attorneys if direct contact is too hostile or dramatic.
^^ This. He wants to make sure holidays are addressed to avoid confusion later on, which is beneficial for both of you as well as your son. And truthfully, there's nothing wrong with that.
Could he have contacted you directly regarding Father's Day? Sure. But by having his attorney contact your attorney, he'll have documentation ready to go if you are unwilling to allow him to have his child on Father's Day. I'm hoping that you are agreeable to allowing him have that day, because most Courts order that the child spend Mother's Day and Father's Day with their respective parent. If you two aren't able to agree to a holiday schedule, not allowing him to have Father's Day will certainly make you look unreasonable to a Judge.
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He requested to have him until 5:45. Which is fine. I am considering just emailing him and telling him that is ok.
Does anyone know if I call my attorney back and agree will his attorney then need to get a judge to sign off on this agreement? Or is this something that could just be documented by the lawyers?
And BTW we have mediation scheduled for August.
All of the above. The feeling I have for her previous post is they are hard because she makes them. It wouldn't shock me if the call to say he can have fathers day includes:
"Make sure you have him home by 5:45 exactly so he can also see my bf since he is like a dad to him"
Just to be hurtful to pay him back for all the hurt he caused her.
LOL, you know me too well. The thought did cross my mind. I didn't mention it though. I very politely told him that was fine for him to drop him off at that time. For the record my BF spends a lot more time with DS then his dad does in part because he owns his own business and has a flexible schedule. He has stepped into the dad role very unselfishly and I commend him for it. Being a stepparent is often a thankless role. You do all the work and get none of the credit. Not that my ex will ever understand or appreciate that or even have the thought enter his selfish brain.
LOL, you know me too well. The thought did cross my mind. I didn't mention it though. I very politely told him that was fine for him to drop him off at that time. For the record my BF spends a lot more time with DS then his dad does in part because he owns his own business and has a flexible schedule. He has stepped into the dad role very unselfishly and I commend him for it. Being a stepparent is often a thankless role. You do all the work and get none of the credit. Not that my ex will ever understand or appreciate that or even have the thought enter his selfish brain.
You really should get therapy.
First of all, socloudy wasn't praising you, she was pointing out how selfish you act in regards to your son's relationship with his father.
Secondly, you sound a lot like the BM in my situation. She has a different boyfriend every 6 months and each boyfriend is "the one" and she claims the new boyfriend is more of a father to K than my husband is. And ya know what? The conflict and sadness it has caused K over the years is devastating. Please get some help so that you can make sure your son isn't tormented by your unresolved issues.
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Do you want BF to act like a father or are you trying to push him out? It sounds like you go out of your way to have BF spend time with him and not BF, remember BF does not have custody.
The ladies over on TN SO board have been telling her that for well over a year. Too bad she never took our advice!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Of course. Getting therapy is a ridiculous idea! Much easier to GBCSO and come over to blended families board! Oh, wait. You guys are telling her to get therapy too. Dammit!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Just tell your attorney to say it's fine for him to have Father's day this year and every year to follow. Tell him/her to start drafting a holiday schedule so you guys don't run into this again.
No signed document will be needed as long as you are agreeing to let him have the day.
In never GBCSO. Actually I posted on there all the way up until all of you left to your own board. And obviously you don't pay attention because I have repeatedly stated that I am in therapy. And I have stated that my counselor said that after being betrayed I have a right to be angry and hurt. So sorry I didn't just forgive and forget a few weeks after my ex left me for his coworker.
Um, you go and get a CO with holiday's. NOW.
And yes, you are both toxic people to eachother. He wants to piss you off and make you pay $100 to your attorney. Get it straightened out done and signed. Make sure times are in your CO I.E. Holiday's will be from 9-5 unless otherwise noted. Our CO has timesfor every holiday. The holidays that are different from 9-5 are Christmas eve, which is 1-9PM, New Years Eve (I don't remember times I think it's till 10PM though so like 2-10) and 4th of July which is 2-10PM. EVERYTHING ELSE is 9-5. If you don't put times on it,you know it's going to cause an issue later. YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY. I dont want to see a year from now you b*tching and complaining that you guys can't agree on tims because your CO didn't sate them.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
You twist what is actually said by people and then hear only what you want to hear. If you are actually in therapy (which I highly doubt) I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if your therapist said something entirely different and you walk away delusional and happy thinking you are right your therapist said so. I feel like you are a really nice person dmnd but you are not living in reality and I really really hope that someday something finally clicks for you and you can start thinking clearly.
As for the holiday. I agree, your ex went through a lawyer because he doesn't want to be in contact with you. Instead of letting this happen at each holiday, come up with a full listing of holidays and visitation schedules in regards to them so the cost for you is minimal and over and done with.