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New_MrsP
member
Wedding etiquette question
New_MrsP
member
in Baby Showers
Sorry, I don't do Knot boards, and I figured you gals might be able to give me an answer just as easily.
I am due with DS#2 this Sunday, June 17th, DS#1 is 20 months old.
My Brother is getting married on Saturday, June 30th, 13 days after my due date.
They sent us an invite that said "Adults-only reception", addressed to only DH & I.
We will be leaving DS#1 at home with my ILs, The wedding reception is out of town, roughly 1 hour away. My problem is, I cannot possibly leave DS#2 so far away. If he were to be born tonight, he would only be 2.5 weeks old on the wedding day, and still nursing around the clock. The RSVP date for the wedding is this Friday, so I have to let them know for sure. I already told them that DH will be there (he's their photographer) and that I'm really hoping to be there.
My question is this: Is it rude to ask if I can bring DS#2 with me? Or should I just assume that "adults-only" applies to even the sister of the groom and tell them I am unable to attend due to childcare issues. I think I could take the baby to the ceremony and then drive back home, but I'd hate to miss the reception when I know I could probably go if I could just wear the baby.
Advice and input, anyone?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wedding etiquette question
I think a nursing baby is the exception. He'll probably sleep the whole time anyway.
However, do you think DS2 will distract from your brother's wedding? Will your family be all over your baby and forget about your brother's wedding? If yes, then maybe skip the reception. If you think your family will respect that it's your brother's day and keep the baby ga-ga to a minimum, then it shouldn't be an issue.
Just my opinion.
*EDIT: I agree with PP, pick up the phone and talk to your brother and/or future SIL.
So, it's not rude/inappropriate for me to ask them? That was my main concern.
It's your brother, it's definitly not rude to ask.
If it were anyone except your sibling it would be extremely rude to ask. But since it's your brother, I'd give it a shot.
IMO newborns......especially as young as yours will be.....is an exception to the rule. I disagree that a baby that young will be distracting....my DS is a week old and he sleeps ALL day long and I literally have to get him naked to wake him up for feedings. And I find it sort of snobbish if someone thinks a baby will take away from the bride and grooms day.
I see no reason not to ask especially since it's your brother.
This exactly. Be prepared for them to say no, however.
You could always RSVP just for your DH, say sorry that you can't attend with such a little one and see what they say. Or maybe ask your mom what she thinks.
ETA: I do think a newborn will steal some of the show, so to speak, but who cares?! It's not like the bride and groom get to be with each guest each minute of the reception...There's plenty of show to go around.
OK, assuming you give birth ON your due date, the baby will be 13 days old. I know that 13 days post-birth, I would not have wanted to go to a wedding. I, also, would not have wanted to take a 2 week old baby to a place with 100+ people all wanting to hold the baby and breathing all over him, loud music, people drinking and the lack of boundries that ensue, etc...and I am the least germaphobe person you could meet.
I honestly think that given the time frame it's just going to be too much for you and the LO. Personally, I wouldn't go. It sucks, but they should understand.
I disagree. "Adults only" means adults only.
I disagree. I've never seen any kids, even newborns, at an adults-only event.
This is absolutely untrue, and rude. Leaving after the baby has already started crying and being disruptive really doesn't help much. Adults only means exactly that. Find a sitter or send regrets, but do not bring an uninvited child to an event.
At what kind of location is the wedding? Can you do what the person in PP's example did, and have someone watch the baby in a room while you check in as much as you need to? That way you wouldn't risk exposing the baby to infections, which might be preferable anyway, even if babies are allowed. Who wants some drunk idiot running into you while you're trying to care for a two-week old baby?
I'd also call my mom or my brother and ask them if they have any advice on how to handle your situation with the due date so close to the wedding (rather than confront them about the invite itself). It's a little confusing that they haven't spoken with you directly about this up to this point; after all, they know you'll have a tiny baby!
I called my brother and asked. I explained that I would be only be able to make it to the church ceremony and the reception if I could take the baby with me. (The reception is a dinner, followed by a dance at a reception hall, so no rooms I could leave the baby in). I was only planning on attending the dinner portion, toasts, etc., not staying all evening for the dance.
He told me that it was fine to bring him to the ceremony, but he wasn't sure about the reception because his fiancee was not at home and that he'd have her call or email to let me know.
I haven't heard back from either of them.
The groom is my younger brother, and we're a very close-knit family. I will be very disappointed if I cannot attend. There is no one we can leave the new baby with in the town that the wedding is in, and it's not an option to leave him an hour away in our hometown with my in-laws who will be busy enough with our toddler.
At least I can go to the ceremony, right?
I'd have to say generally, I'm in the "Adults only" means just that group. However, this is your brother. I feel like if it was my family and my brother told me I couldn't bring his niece or nephew to the his wedding, I'd be hurt. Though, I can't imagine my brother sending me an invitation saying "Adults only" without talking to me first to let me know that he understands I'd have a newborn. If you're a close-knit family, I'm surprised he didn't just assume your baby would be there.
On the other hand, if the fiance is the one that doesn't want kids there at all, then I guess there isn't much you can do except for decline. That would be a shame to miss your brother's wedding but I would hope he'd understand.
Sorry...there is NO exception to the rule. Obviously, a nursing infant (especially one as young as the OP's would be) will be for the most part sleeping...it is not accepted that it is always OK to bring them.
Ask your brother and future SIL. If it is going to be an issue then just go for the ceremony. Afterall, that is the most important part. Sit in back and if baby starts crying then leave the room. I don't agree that you won't "feel" up to it. I went to a balloon fest at a private home 1 week after my oldest DS was born and he was a C-S.
One word of advice is to WEAR the baby. That way he/she will not be passed around. It will allow your hands to be free (at least one) to eat dinner, etc. It will also help with keeping the noise level down for him/her...even if you sit as far from the speakers as possible. Be prepared to leave (extra car) in case you get tired or just think the baby has "had enough"...before you DH is ready to leave. He will obviously need to to be there for most of the reception if he is the photog.
It is not unusual for kids to not be invited to weddings/receptions. Two of my kids were not invited to my brother's reception (although they went to the ceremoney). My oldest DS was the ringbearer. The one in the wedding was supposed to leave right after dinner but actually stayed for a few dances...then left with a babysitter. She picked up the other two right after the ceremony. I don't blame people for not having kids at their receptions...they don't eat much but you still pay $40-60 per plate!
I hear you on the baby-wearing and separate cars. We had already decided to do that (I picked my dress color to coordinate with my Maya Wrap...lol). As for those wh say it's weird that Brother hasn't talked to me about it, he is NOT a talker. You need to pry things out of him forcibly. Drives my mother crazy.
Still no word from FSIL
I'm surprised he told you to bring the baby to the ceremony but was unsure about the reception. If it were my wedding and I had to choose which one to have a newborn attend, it would not be the ceremony. That's the important part and I wouldn't want a crying baby disturbing it. I would think that if someone was okay with a person bringing a newborn to a ceremony, the reception would be a non-issue.
Just got an email from FSIL, she said it's okay to bring him to the wedding.
Now if he'd just hurry up and get here......
I'm glad it worked out - hope all goes well with the delivery!
Totally off-topic, but I adore your siggy quote. (I teach primary school, and it's soooo true)