Just need reassurance... bedsharing

lizardknitter · June 2012

I love bedsharing with DD. And it works for our lives. I'm probably going to try Jay Gordon's night weaning method, in an effort to get AF back and have another kid. But if I don't do any sleep training, and keep V in our bed, will she ever learn to just roll over and go to sleep without nursing? Or take naps without nursing?

Do I eventually have to train her to do those things, or can we continue our BF'ing, bedsharing relationship and they just grow into it?

Thanks!

tokenhoser · June 2012

Sure, someday she won't want to nurse. Even in cultures which entirely support breastfeeding as long as possible, children wean. Sooner or later a kid decides they'd rather have their own space to sleep in.

The issue is balancing that natural timetable with your own desires and needs. Natural weaning happens somewhere between 2 and 4 years old for most kids. Leaving the bed can happen then or later if you don't encourage it. It's up to you if that's fine or not.

KateLouise · June 2012

We wanted to end bedsharing, and night nursing. I didn't want go cold turkey on both at the same time, so I opted to tackle night nursing first.

When LO woke to nurse, I said it wasn't time for milk, it was sleepy times, but if she was thirsty she could have a drink of water. Then I'd ask her if she wanted a drink of water and she'd say no, so I rolled her over so she had her back to me, and snugged her in and shushed her to sleep.

It never took more than a few minutes for her to go back to sleep, and after three nights she stopped waking to nurse.

Other info that may be of interest to you. LO was around 16 - 17 months. She was nursing first thing in the morning, last thing before bed, and then once or twice in the night.

I was at work full-time so she wasn't nursing during the day. I never nursed her to sleep before naps or at night time.

So maybe it was fairly easy for my LO to wean off the night nursing as whilst nursing was a part of our day, it wasn't as big a part of our day as it sounds like it is for you guys.

I did Jay Gordon't method earlier when LO was sleeping in a cot, and found that really easy too, I think it would work nicely with bedsharing, as LO still gets to nurse just at a decreased amount.

I agree with pp that yes eventually your LO will grow out of nursing and bedsharing, but there's nothing wrong with giving things a nudge in a direction that suits you. Good luck with how you choose to approach it.

Princess_Ariel · June 2012

DD stopped waking consistently for nursing sometime b/t two and three years, but wasn't until I totally weaned her that she finally began sleeping through the night every night. That said, AF returned when she was about 15 months, and you can still get pg even before an official return.

celiabwatson · June 2012

First, I successfully got my period and got pregnant again while still nursing so it is possible. However, I have a friend who waited until 2+years and never got it so she weaned and then got pregnant.

Second, my son prefers to be nursed to sleep. He's been put to sleep in other ways by day care providers but with me he strongly prefers nursing and I haven't pushed the issue of using a different strategy. To my amazement he is self weaning from this habit. Over the past several months he has slowly lengthened the time between nursing and falling asleep. It started as simply latching off and rolling over and falling asleep right away and has progressively moved to latching off, crawling out of bed, laying on the floor, crawling under the bed, playing with a stuffed animal and finally crawling back into bed and falling asleep. The play period length is usually related to how tired he is but the point is that he's rarely nursing to sleep anymore. He still nurses before sleep and it's still his cue to start falling asleep, but he's moving away from it slowly. He also does not nurse down for a nap anymore. No matter how tired he is it just doesn't work, which is really disappointing, because it leaves me with very few naptime options.

Moral of the story: yes, they do in fact self-wean eventually, but it may or may not be when you want them to, depends on your patience level.

nosoup4u · June 2012

She'll eventually stop nursing during the night or to sleep, but it might not be as quickly as you want her to.

I've had to night wean both of my kids. I think they would have both happily had nursing snacks at night for yeeeears.

I basically used the Jay Gordan method with DS1, I refused to nurse him overnight, but offered as many cuddles as he wanted. I had to remove myself completely and let DH do nighttime with DS2, though, as he would just scream at me and not really fall back to sleep if I said "no" to nursing in the middle of the night.

TiffanyBerry · June 2012

At 25mo, there is still some crying when DD wakes in the middle of the night and wants to nurse a second time and I say no. (She gets one nurse MOTN, then she has to wait for the toddler clock to turn yellow, which is our signal for morning.)

That said, and this is not meant to be snarky, but something I like to remember for myself - I no of NO teenager who wants to nurse and no healthy teenagers who want to bed share all night long. So, yes, eventually, kids outgrow this. Maybe not at one years, like out culture would like, or even two, but as they grow up.

cpmich · June 2012

we bedshare. at 19 months ds has recently stopped nursing to sleep or at naptime. he nurses and then kind of rolls over and sleeps on his own. sometimes he rolls back to cuddle but rarely nurses again. he still nurses roughly 3 times a day but i think he is moving toward self weaning. i will really miss it. as pp poster said it was a gradual process where he just lengthened the gap between eating and sleeping.

still no af though. poas this morning and still negative.

lizardknitter · June 2012

Thanks ladies! I think I will have to nudge her in the direction I need her to go. I just hate the idea of CIO, I always breakdown and give in when she cries for milk. It's just so easy. I need some patience.

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