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S/O being afraid of the dark

suze423suze423 member
in Blended Families
It stormed here today and my almost 11 year old SS was crying because he was scared. He's extremely immature for his age but crying because of some rain and thunder seems to go beyond just immaturity to me. Thoughts?
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Re: S/O being afraid of the dark

  • SueBearSueBear member

    Have you ever watched the weather?  Every time there is a storm, the tv news has twisters, floods, houses set on fire by lightening.....

    Ask him if there is something else bothering him, or if there is any particular reason he was afraid during that storm.  But in general - - I think it's a positive thing when an 11 year old boy feels comfortable enough to express his fears. 

    Sometimes I think this feeling of "11 is too old...." comes from a time when we were kids, and were expected to just svck it up. 

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    My SDs school decided to show a video on tornados to the kids when they were in first grade.  She was 6.  To this day (she's 9 now) any time it so much as rains she's a basket case.

    Talk to him about storms, what precautions you guys take to make sure your house is safe.  What you would do if the weather really got bad.  If you have a basement maybe you can make him a space down there, etc...

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    A bunch of tornadoes came through where I live last April. It was during a school day, and all of the kids were there at school and separated from their parents. Most of the area lost power, huge trees came down everywhere, and it was a really scary experience for everyone. 

    As a result, a lot of kids around here have issues with storms. Anytime it thunders or lightnings, my kid asks if there's going to be another tornado.

    There's an 11-year-old black belt at the taekwondo studio where DS trains, and she is terrified of the storms. She's an awesome kid--super smart, graceful, kind, and even teaches tkd classes to the younger kids. But her mom told me that after last year, any time a storm comes through, she finds the little girl huddled under her bed crying.  

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  • suze423suze423 member
    image-auntie-:

    That he cried in front of you, when he probably gets the vibe that you think it's inappropriate, speaks to how real this is for him.

    I was at work.  It started raining about an hour before I got home and had stopped by the time I got there.  He told me after I got home that he had been crying.  We get hit by tropical storms and hurricanes often so I just don't see an hour of rain and thunder as that big of a deal.  Then again, this is the same kid who cried about having to eat one green bean.

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  • mschocokittymschocokitty member
    imageSueBear:

    Have you ever watched the weather?  Every time there is a storm, the tv news has twisters, floods, houses set on fire by lightening.....

    Ask him if there is something else bothering him, or if there is any particular reason he was afraid during that storm.  But in general - - I think it's a positive thing when an 11 year old boy feels comfortable enough to express his fears. 

    Sometimes I think this feeling of "11 is too old...." comes from a time when we were kids, and were expected to just svck it up. 

     

    That is the challenge of raising kids now, especially in blended families where you have to tread a little lighter. It seems so obvious to say, "get over it" or "it's no big deal", but then you risk stepping into wicked stepmother territory if that isn't the kind of support your kids need. As I stated in a different thread, I was raised in a "suck it up" house with a stepdad and feel it benefitted me in a lot of ways, but I do well with that approach. A storm doesn't happen every day, so this isn't likely to cause him social embarrassment in the future . Perhaps the fear that someone he loves will be hurt in a storm or something. Dig deeper and add the experience to your parenting tool box. 

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  • suze423suze423 member
    image-auntie-:

    Was he home by himself?

    You might want to check you local communities rules around unattended minors. In many communities, 12 is the legal age at which a child can be left home alone for any period of time. My friend's DD was 10 and set off a home security system while she ran to the market less than a mile away and a neighbor was "keeping an eye out", the cops gave her a hard time when she returned 10 minutes later. She has shared custody and was freaked that she might have lost her share.

    He was with DH. We would never even think about leaving him home alone. 

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