Have you changed your mind re: ppl in delivery room?

SandyAli · June 2012

I thought I wanted to have my mom and MIL in the delivery room but lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and I don't want anyone in the room but my husband and I...and of course the medical team.

I just really want it to be my hubby and I with our little baby girl..no family interrupting our bonding time.

But now how do I go about telling my mom and MIL?

ldbryan · June 2012

We had all of our family (both sides) in the waiting room when DD1 was born, and we recently decided we want more privacy this time. My mom pouted when I told her, but I just explained that we wanted uninterrupted time just the three of us before anyone visited. Just give them your reasons, and if they make a big fuss, they'll eventually get over it. You have their grandchild after all.

mylittlesunshine · June 2012

Why not just tell them the truth on how you feel....(and then don't feel bad about it).

There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. They will just have to get over it.

venussapphire · June 2012

I only want DH and my midwives. It's such a personal and intimate experience. I don't want to share that. Plus i'm a very private person. I think having other people around would just stall my labour and I wouldn't be able to relax

StephenW4 · June 2012

I asked my mom to be in the delivery room, but when we got to the hospital, DH said he kinda just wanted it to be us. Unfortunately, it was a bit late at that point to call it off, and my mom did try to keep her distance during the whole thing and it ended up being Ok, but I totally understood where he was coming from. We had a lot of tough decisions to make during the labor process, and so I think next time I will just want it to be the two of us.

If you're really having doubts now, I would probably say something - I'm sure they'll be upset, but will respect your feelings. Good luck with whatever you decide!

SummerMama12 · June 2012

You don't have to decide for sure now. I had my mom and MIL there while I labored and when it came time to push, they asked me what I was comfortable with and I decided to just have it be me and DH. It wasn't a problem.

mikeandcristina · June 2012

I'm in the same boat.. but it's just my mom, not my MIL that we initially invited into the room.

I initially blamed it on the birth class we took.. we were told to keep stress to a minimum, and I think having my mom in there would be really stressful because she's really controlling... she didn't get the picture.

So, I was honest with her about just wanting some family time, and I think I hurt her a little bit, but let her know that she'll be the first we call to come down once LO is here. It sucked, but we're not having another baby (even though this is our first), and we just really want it to be us.

kge9602 · June 2012

my mother was in the room for DD1 and everything as fantastic, however, this time around, DH and I wanted to be alone (we made her alone, we wanted to welcome her alone) and it was even better. With DD1, I believe DH held back tears because of my mom being there. This time, he was like Niagra Falls, hahaha. We ere just very honest with the grandparents and said, they were more than welcome to come afterward, but that we'd like to have "our time" with our baby first. If there were hurt feelings, everyone kept it to themselves. I hope it all works out for you!

khill86 · June 2012

We decided very early on that we wouldn't have anyone at the hospital at all. Not even after we have the baby. We won't be calling anyone until we're home with the baby (barring any complications or a longer hospital stay). We told MIL and her husband and they were totally on board, especially DH's step-dad. He was so supportive and said he'd do everything he could to make sure no one (ie. DH's grandma) would make their way to the hospital. We told my family and no one reacted. I know my sister understands, but I don't think my mom understood that "anyone" included her. We'll be seeing her this weekend and when the right time comes up, I'm going to remind her again. Especially because she's been particularly smothering in the last couple of weeks. We are still committed to this plan (although we may be totally unable to keep my labour from DH's family - he works in a family business, there will be no way to hide DH having to leave work or not coming in for a day or two), but we trust that they won't say anything.

When we shared our plan, we said it with confidence and in a "this is not a negotiation" kind of way. We answered questions with confidence and were sure of our decision. DH's grandmother asked flat out why she and DH's 10 year old sister couldn't be in the delivery room, and I said very matter-of-factly that it was a private moment for DH and I only and we weren't willing to share it. Beyond that, we would only be in the hospital for 24 hours after the birth and we wanted that time alone, not passing the baby around. She wasn't very impressed. Then I threw in that they would still have to stick to regular visiting hours and only 2 visitors at once, so depending on what time we had the baby, there may only be a small window of time that visitors could come in anyway. She said okay, and I didn't apologize for the decision. I did let her know, though, that if anything happened that was unplanned we would be calling family to visit only after the baby was born and only when we were ready.

Just be confident in your decision and don't feel like you need to feel bad for everyone or that you need to explain or defend yourself. No negotiating!

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