I'm right about this, aren't I?

RubyLou11 · June 2012

So I stay at home and am normally the one to feed DD, change, etc. The other day DH was home and I asked him to feed DD her lunch. I always do 2oz of fruit and 2 oz of a veggie at every meal, and told him to feed her half a jar of each. Which would total to 4oz, if we give her much more shes really full. So unless she acts hungrier, I just go with that.

My annoyance is that DH proceeded to feed her the entire jar of veggies and referred to the fruit as her "dessert". I was furious. Am I wrong in thinking that everyone needs a serving of fruit and veggie, including our baby? I told DH this but he insists that she have the fruit last. "Because it's sweet, and its what she wants." When I feed her, I give a few bites of veggie, then a few of fruit. From what I can tell, she eats both fine and doesn't see a difference. This really feels like something that could create a problem as she gets older.

I told DH he was a moron. But he still thinks he's right and said if he does feed her again he will do it the same way. Our child needs her fruit, but she wont get a proper serving if she's already full! He is so stubborn and I have no idea what to say to get it through his head. But maybe I'm wrong? I am torn between letting him grow as a father and correcting him. Which is hard because since I SAH, DH doesn't do everything the same as I do. And sometimes he just doesn't have a clue. Any thoughts, advice? Thanks

gracefulruby33 · June 2012

I know that you want things done your way and that you have a routine down with LO, not just that you want her to have the right servings. I would tone it down a bit though. Your DH is also her parent. I would let him do what he's comfortable with. If your DD is normally getting what you want her to get, I wouldn't worry so much about it. But if this is a big issue for you, I would approach DH again and discuss it. Don't call him a moron- he'll only get defensive and not want to do anything you suggest. ;-)

bridein08 · June 2012

I think you are going a bit overboard on this. The point of the fruits and vegetables is not that they are a fruit/vegetable, but the vitamins and minerals that each have. It is NOT a big deal what your DH did at all. Your LO is young. It will be just fine. Remember that food before one is just for fun.

mnewlee · June 2012

As a self professed control freak I can understand your frustration at not having it done your way.

However, as someone on the outside looking in, this isn't a battle I'd chose. Your dd is getting two servings of vegetables every once in awhile instead of one of each. It's really not a big deal in the scheme of things.

Also, I agree with pp, name calling won't get you anywhere.

RubyLou11 · June 2012

That's true, it probably isn't as big a deal as I make it to be. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is his "I'm gonna do what I want" attitude, when usually I'm the one making choices for DD. I will definitely take it more easy now though

jaeleigh25 · June 2012

Everyone does it differently. If things aren't 100% the way you do them doesn't mean it is wrong. He does it his way, which isn't incorrect, she is still getting some fruit. If you can't get it out of your head and you think she needs more fruit, give her more fruit at her next meal and let it go. I don't see any problems. As a SAHM, I am just glad when DH wants to feed her.

RubyLou11 · June 2012

jaeleigh25:
Everyone does it differently. If things aren't 100% the way you do them doesn't mean it is wrong. He does it his way, which isn't incorrect, she is still getting some fruit. If you can't get it out of your head and you think she needs more fruit, give her more fruit at her next meal and let it go. I don't see any problems. As a SAHM, I am just glad when DH wants to feed her.

Yes, and that is true too! Yes

mben1119 · June 2012

The way I look at parenting, as DH and I have pretty different styles, is as long as we don't undermine each other (and in front of an infant doesn't count), and DS isn't in any danger, I keep my mouth shut.

And, FTR, I don't understand why you feed both fruits and veggies in one sitting.

JKTTC1 · June 2012

mabenner1:

And, FTR, I don't understand why you feed both fruits and veggies in one sitting.

LO getsafruitandveggieforlunch. Atdinner he gets a meat and a side of veggie or fruit!

Nwlywed07 · June 2012

Ditto the PP who talked about not getting so upset and calling DH a moron. If the biggest issue is that LO occassionally gets an extra serving of veggies and only a little bit of fruit I'd say he's doing just fine. Negativity is just going to make him feel inadequate as a dad and you can't take the words back once you've said them.

Kaeldrasmommy · June 2012

jaeleigh25:
Everyone does it differently. If things aren't 100% the way you do them doesn't mean it is wrong. He does it his way, which isn't incorrect, she is still getting some fruit. If you can't get it out of your head and you think she needs more fruit, give her more fruit at her next meal and let it go. I don't see any problems. As a SAHM, I am just glad when DH wants to feed her.

This. It's not that big a deal, especially since it's not for nutrition yet. And considering I have to all but beg to get DH to do any of the work side of baby care, I would be thrilled that he fed her at all.

Margaret Lemon · June 2012

NO! He gave her extra veggies and you called him a moron? Think about that. Do you want him to back off and not be involved at all? He wasn't having her juggle sharp knives!

I admit that I too think I know th "right" way to do things with LO. I think it is important to let DH do things his way too. As long as no one is in harms way, enjoy. In fact, go to yoga or take a bath while he feeds her.

mamastich · June 2012

mabenner1:
And, FTR, I don't understand why you feed both fruits and veggies in one sitting.

Ditto, we feed about 3 servings of veggies to every fruit she gets. I was under the impression fruits were sweet so not to make it an every meal thing. (so they dont get a sweet tooth I guess?)

DawnJM25 · June 2012

gracefulruby33:
I know that you want things done your way and that you have a routine down with LO, not just that you want her to have the right servings. I would tone it down a bit though. Your DH is also her parent. I would let him do what he's comfortable with. If your DD is normally getting what you want her to get, I wouldn't worry so much about it. But if this is a big issue for you, I would approach DH again and discuss it. Don't call him a moron- he'll only get defensive and not want to do anything you suggest. ;-)

I agree with this. If your DH feeds her on the weekends it's 2 out of 7 days of the week. For the majority of the time you can do it your way- I'd let DH do it his way when he's home. At least he's spending time with her and helping take care of her!

skipperkelly · June 2012

You told DH he was a moron because he gave LO a full jar of veggies? I would hate to see what you call him when he actually does something wrong.

I would be grateful for the help and let him know that next time you'd like for LO to have a little bit of each. Some things you have to just let go because they really aren't that big of a deal.

ASmallWonder · June 2012

I'm blown away that you'd make such a big deal over him feeding more of one HEALTHY item and less of another HEALTHY item. And FYI, calling your husband a moron over something so stupid is going to be a lot more detrimental to your child if you keep it up than a lifetime of unbalanced fruit/veggie meals.

RubyLou11 · June 2012

You girls are right, I did overreact. We had a talk about everything where I did apologize. I really don't want him to feel discouraged either because he does do what he can when I ask him. I am going to be more relaxed and let him do his thing and he wants to help with decisions more. Usually he does a lot of playing/entertaining and I'm good with anything extra he is up for. Dh does so much for us already that I really tried to put across our appreciation for him. And Ive also got a few things for fathers day planned that I hope he enjoys too. Thanks for the advice, and a little reality check

brewcitybride · June 2012

A baby's dietary needs are different than an older childs, or from an adults. Feeding a baby purees and beginning foods is not the bulk of their diet - their diet is mainly breastmilk or formula. So, no, IMO, your baby does not need a serving of fruit and a serving of veggies EVERY time they have solids. You can mix it up, mix and match, offer new varieties. I do tend to give more veggies than fruits, but I go back and forth, and I have started to do proteins, too. But again, you dont' need to create a balanced meal, per se, for a 6 month old. Just make sure you are trying all different foods!

I use the organic purees that Target sells, and most are really cool combos of fruits AND veggies- for instance, this morning DS had 6 ounces of formula and 3 ounces of a spinach, pea and pear combo! He loves them!

I wouldn't battle this one out. Your DH is doing a great job, and no, he isn't a moron:)

livinirie84 · June 2012

RubyLou11:
That's true, it probably isn't as big a deal as I make it to be. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is his "I'm gonna do what I want" attitude, when usually I'm the one making choices for DD. I will definitely take it more easy now though

But you have that same attitude. It must be difficult for him to be undercut by you just because you say so. Have some compassion.

Erica92 · June 2012

mnewlee:

As a self professed control freak I can understand your frustration at not having it done your way.

However, as someone on the outside looking in, this isn't a battle I'd chose. Your dd is getting two servings of vegetables every once in awhile instead of one of each. It's really not a big deal in the scheme of things.

Also, I agree with pp, name calling won't get you anywhere.

Ditto this. I am A TOTAL Control freak and I too am a SAHM so I have the ways that I do things and I easily fall into the trap of thinking my way is the RIGHT way and/or the ONLY way but the truth is DH is her father too and not only does he need to find his own way of doing things if you criticize him over every little thing he'll stop wanting to partake in raising her.

Food is just for practice right now. It REALLY doesn't matter whether she eats veggies first and fruit last or vice versa or all fruit at one meal and veggies at another meal!

celiabwatson · June 2012

Do you know what the biological difference is between fruits and veggies?

What makes one better than the other? Or even different enough that it's important to have a perfect balance?

yssej7 · June 2012

I agree that baby need fruits and veggies but I also think your going way OVERBOARD !

Be lucky you DH is even helping out with her and wanting to feed her. I dont think that that ONE time or even on Occasion her eating fruit as a "dessert" will create a bad habit. I do think that if you keep stepping on DH's toes and micro managing his parenting her will not want to do anything for LO again. How is he supposed to create his own parenting style when you want him to do everything your way? He's not going to be confident in parenting your LO if your always hovering over him/correcting him and calling him a MORON! (which I cant believe you did)

I'm a SAHM too and when my DH actually takes our LO for a while, I dont freak out about the way he takes care of her. IMO if its not putting her in harms way we're good. I fully trust my DH with his parenting and would never micro manage him. (just out of respect for him.) Husbands need to learn how to be dads just like we learn how to be mom's... Through experience.

yssej7 · June 2012

I realize I just put you on blast. before I read all of the comments. I now see you already have realize you were over reacting. But I still stand by putting you on blast for calling you DH a moron.

maphilli@alumni.nmu.edu · June 2012

All I can say is WOW. Like most others said, I think you are overreacting in this situation.

preggyamy · June 2012

OK, can everyone stop blasting this woman! She clearly gets that she was overreacting, and it takes a strong character to admit you were wrong - both publicly and privately.

GibsonGirl620 · June 2012

RubyLou, thanks for posting this. I am also a SAHM and DH and I got into a similar argument recently. It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with sharing the parental decisions.

It's very easy to read someone else's experience and judge away, but it's another thing to find fault in your own actions... Kudos to you for discussing it with your DH.

Jcraul · June 2012

mnewlee:

As a self professed control freak I can understand your frustration at not having it done your way.

However, as someone on the outside looking in, this isn't a battle I'd chose. Your dd is getting two servings of vegetables every once in awhile instead of one of each. It's really not a big deal in the scheme of things.

Also, I agree with pp, name calling won't get you anywhere.

RA1109 · June 2012

Personally I think you're wrong and I agree with him. Most babies like fruit. They have a lot of sugar and carbs, getting them to eat fruit is usually not a problem, getting them to like and eat veggies is. I would definitely give as many veggies as you can before offering any fruit. I personally think if you can develop their taste for veggies now you'll be a lot better off. Trust me, when they turn 2 all they want is chicken nuggets and hot dogs, any veggies you can get in now are great.

Also, I really don't think this is something worth calling your DH a moron over, or even thinking about for even 5 minutes. Pick your battles, this should not be one of them.

Madringal · June 2012

You were "furious" and called him a "moron"? Holy over reaction. Calm down - it is baby food. Team DH and he gets extra points for not telling you to shove it.

angelaa73 · June 2012

Have you lost your damn mind?

dirtyred · June 2012

I want to know just exactly what kind of "problem" you think this could cause later in life.

And FTR, I think your DH's feeding plan is wiser than yours for the reason he gave you.

rayskit10 · June 2012

Someday you're going to be on the TIP board because you're going to be ticked that you have to do everything and your DH never helps. I hope someone shows up with a link to this post as a reminder of your sucky bossy pants attitude.

Ombligo1 · June 2012

I'm more concerned about the environment the baby lives in when she has a mother who loses her mind, gets furious, and calls the father a moron for serving baby food in a different order than she does. I feel sorry for your husband AND your child. !!1!

Brie2006 · June 2012

I am late to this party and irrationally annoyed by you, OP. FFS, pull that stick out.

RubyLou11:

I told DH he was a moron.

Lucky guy, your DH

RubyLou11:

But he still thinks he's right and said if he does feed her again he will do it the same way.

Good for him. It sounds like someone would really need to gird their loins when it comes time to defy you! Jeebus.

RubyLou11:
He is so stubborn and I have no idea what to say to get it through his head.

See above.

RubyLou11:
But maybe I'm wrong?

Um, yes. Yes, you are. Chill out.

RubyLou11:
I am torn between letting him grow as a father and correcting him.

Who are you - Mr. Miyagi? What exactly do your lessons entail?

VeilSdeGTO · June 2012

Sometimes I wish people would read all the comments before posting.

She clearly admitted she over-reacted and they talked through it. So she had a momentary freak out moment, most of us have as well.

OP, I had my own freak out and had to bite my tongue when DH skipped giving DD fruit and gave her 20 puffs instead. Men!

Spenjamins · June 2012

If you treat your husbands like your children then you have made your own grave.

KateAggie · June 2012

VeilSdeGTO:
Sometimes I wish people would read all the comments before posting.
She clearly admitted she over-reacted and they talked through it. So she had a momentary freak out moment, most of us have as well.
OP, I had my own freak out and had to bite my tongue when DH skipped giving DD fruit and gave her 20 puffs instead. Men!

I read through all the comments, and I still think OP has a major problem that she's not realizing. She thinks she should be making the decisions simply because she's home. It's not just about overreacting to this. It's the whole mindset that she should have the final (and only) say. On top of that, the name calling...WTH? I can't think of any fight where it would be OK to call your partner a moron. That's not how you speak to people you love, no matter the fight.

But you know, MEN! Those silly little creatures that couldn't raise kids without us to show them the way.

CinemaGoddess · June 2012

You serious, Clark?

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