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Blended Families
CFjo2010
member
Gma's have the ability to make the impossible happen...
CFjo2010
member
This morning was K?s Kindergarten Promotion. BM was less then thrilled to see my husband and I there, and by "less then thrilled" I mean she nearly turned into the Hulk. She had reserved an entire row for her and her family, and made it clear that my husband wasn?t welcome to join them. So we found 2 seats in the front row, which she promptly threw a fit about because we were closer to the stage then she was. Just when you think this situation can?t get anymore tense and hostile, the impossible happens.
Gma (BM?s mother) comes up to my husband and me at the end of the ceremony, hugs us and tells us yet again how happy she is about the baby and then begins to rub my belly. In front of everyone, including BM. Then Gma went on to say how she hopes we?re having a boy so that she?ll "have a boy grandbaby". Obviously BM wasn?t happy with this, and I can?t say I blame her for being upset. Even though Gma means well, at times I feel like she purposely goes out of her way to show her acceptance of our marriage and family in an effort to either prove a point to BM or overcompensate for BM. I appreciate Gma?s friendliness and her demonstrating to K that things don?t have to be awkward and hostile, but I sometimes wish she?d tone it down a wee bit.
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Re: Gma's have the ability to make the impossible happen...
sounds nice I wish our situation was a bit more like that my SD BM never has anything to say except how work or her other kids are annoying her. SD step dad talks hes asked how things are going etc etc so has SD gma but nothing like rub my belly and such.
My MIL hasn't asked 1 word about my pregnancy and has only said she hates the name... but she also hates me so can't expect much but still sad she doesn't care wnough to ask if LO is ok. It hurts me that it bothers DH...
your BM drives me crazy... almost as crazy as my BM, and the difference is probably that I have to deal with my BM IRL, if I had to deal with yours I think I would be commited
glad you guys were able to be supportive of SD, you can't control other peoples actions, such as BM/ BM's mom... at least gma is supportive, even though it may drive BM bonkers.
We actually tried back when we got engaged. Gma was over the moon excited about the wedding and wanted to be involved and see pictures. While we appreciated her support, we felt it was making things with BM worse. The difference back then was BM wasn't living with Gma so she wasn't privy to all the comments of Gma's. When my husband tried talking to Gma, her feelings got really hurt. She thought he was saying he didn't want her to be supportive and excited. Obviously a miscommunication that we cleared up immediately. I don't want to go through that again. This woman has been so amazing the last several years, I hate the idea if hurting her feelings.
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While I think it's nice that gma is so supportive of you, I think it's kind of odd for her to say that "she'll have a boy grandbaby". I've been reading your posts since joining this group, but I don't know the whole background. Does she think that she'll be visiting the new baby?
The bitchy part of me would probably really enjoy BM's mom treating me like gold in front of her. I'm feeling pretty bitchy today though
man i would kill for a supportive family like that. I'm so scared to tell DH's family about the baby.....he had a vasectomy 15 years ago, they all thought he was done after 4. It's so hard with such complicated family dynamics. I know it's hard, bc she is sort of fuelling a fire, but she probably has amazing intentions and at the end of the day BM has to get over IT and HERSELF and move the heck on.
Best of luck to you
The fact that you care about a BM that acts like that, and not wanting to make a tough situation worse, speaks volumes about your character as a person.
Not sure how much background you're looking for, but the Cliffnotes version of my relationship/interaction with Gma is: Simply put, she's been amazing. When my husband and I got engaged she wanted to know all the wedding details (what my dress looked like, bouquets, food, etc.) and asked to borrow the wedding album to see pictures. Heck, she even bought us a gift! Gma started referring to my children as her "extra grandkids" and has said from the beginning that we're "all family now". We only live about 5-10 minutes from Gma so we see her about twice a week during exchanges. I have no doubt that as soon as the baby is born she'll be wanting to meet our new addition.
She's never rude and has never made me feel as though she's overstepping in any way. In fact, I give her a lot of credit for the way that K has adjusted to our blended family. Even though BM is hostile, volatile, bitter and vindictive at times, Gma has always been supportive and accepting of our family. I'm grateful that someone in that house is allowing K to be excited about the baby, since BM has made every possible effort to stifle it.
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Because your title says 'make the impossible happen' I thought your post was going to end with 'then BM came up and hugged me' or something to that effect lol.
When your post ended with just Gma I was like... Whaa? What the impossible happen part???
I'm glad Gma is supportive BUT she does sound a little over the top. Its good to be polite, civil and friendly. However, it is not so good to if it flies in the face of someone else. I would say Gma has issues with her DD and you are the means by which strikes out.
BM is probably as big a b!tch to her mom as she is to everyone else.
You've tried. Let it be and be happy. BM is obviously too selfish and immature to see that her actions have anything to do with the way she is treated. She will blame you, or your DH, or whoever else for everything bad that happens in her life. You just have to know that it's not your fault.
Hahahaha, I simply meant that just when you think things can't possibly get any more uncomfortable and tense, sweet old women have the ability to make it worse.
According to my husband, Gma has always been like this. Her broken English also leads to things being miscommunicated at times. When my husband and BM were dating 8 years ago, he said Gma was always affectionate with him and the other children's boyfriends/girlfriends. Even when he and I started dating and I first met Gma she hugged me. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing, or if she's trying to "stick it" to her daughter.
Regardless of her reasons though, it seems to make K happy. After Gma rubbed my belly and asked about the baby, K spent the rest of the day rubbing my belly and coming up with names for the baby and "designing" the nursery. If Gma is just trying to prove a point to BM, the immediate result is that K is feeling more free to show her excitement about the baby. For right now, I'm ok with that. But longterm it's just going to make things harder with BM. Although on the flip side, if BM has such a problem with it then she's more than welcome to actually go to work, provide for herself and move out of Gma's house. That will limit the interaction my husband and I have with Gma...
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I'm not sure about the bolded. BM depends on Gma way too much to be a b!tch to her. I do know that Gma has been very vocal about her disapproval of the way BM has handled things (the bogus DVRO, withholding K, leaving my husband off K's school paperwork, leaving K with her all the time while she's off doing who knows what, as well as other factors in BM's life) which I'm sure doesn't sit well with BM. But as you said, BM doesn't see that her actions have anything to do with how she's treated and/or how her life is turning out.
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