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Help! What if I can't read his signs well enough?

VBkaitlinVBkaitlin member
in Attachment Parenting
Are there sure-fire ways to tell if a 3-month old baby is really securely attached?  I'm worried that I'm not able to read his signs as well as I should be by this time, and as a result I'm afraid that he may feel that needs are being communicated but not appropriately responded to...and therefore he might not learn to trust that I'll always give him what he needs and/or he might not learn that his communication methods are successful and valued. Specifically, most of the time I still have to do trial-and-error to figure out if he's hungry or bored or uncomfortable in some way.  Up until he was about 2 months old, he had a reliable "hungry face" (sticking out his tongue and smacking his lips) and even though I always responded quickly and fed him (EBF), he has now quit doing that.  He also would chew on his hands a bit, but now that he's really into that "I've discovered that I have hands" phase, he chews on them constantly and it no longer necessarily means that he's hungry.  I haven't been able to uncover any new clear signs that he's hungry, so when he gets fussy I just have to try everything until I figure it out.  The only exception is tired - I can tell when that's the problem because he gets glazed over, yawns, and/or rubs his eyes.  Anyway, I'm afraid he might be getting his needs met quickly enough after he starts trying to tell me what the problem is. Do you have any suggestions for how I could figure out how to read him better?  And is there something I can do to make sure he's developing the trust in me (and his dad) that we so desperately want to build?  Right now I'm still at home with him full-time so I feel like I should be able to read him much better than I can...I'll be returning to work part-time in a couple of months and really want to feel like I've built a strong foundation with him first.Thanks so much for any guidance you can provide.
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Re: Help! What if I can't read his signs well enough?

  • celiabwatsonceliabwatson

    RELAX! Seriously though, your baby will tell you what you need to know. If they try to tell you and are unsuccessful they aren't automatically going to assume you hate them and don't want to meet their needs. They might (rightfully) think "Oh, I didn't communicate that clearly, let's try another way". Babies are learning to communicate effectively just as we are learning to understand them. You'll find your rhythm soon enough, and then things will change and you'll adjust. As long as you're trying to meet your child's needs I think you're doing great. You can even say things like "I want to help you but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." 

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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    No matter how well you know your child you will have plenty of days when you have no clue what their problem is. I'm pretty sure this never ends, it's just as they enter toddlerhood and teenage years their problems are different and more varied.

     As long as you attend to your child quickly and give/try to give them what they need then you are doing a great job.

    Your baby may get frustrated that you are changing their nappy when they have a sore windy tummy, but I don't think for a second it will make them distrust you or feel rejected and neglected. It will just make them wail a bit louder because that's their only way of saying, "NOOOO that's not helpiinnngggg!!!!"

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  • VBkaitlinVBkaitlin member
    Thanks guys, I think this is exactly what I needed to hear!!  I know I found a little crazy but sometimes it's nice to vent and hear from moms with more experience :).  I'll try to quit being a worried nutcase lol...
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  • cpmichcpmich member
    What you are feeling is perfectly normal.  i promise it gets better.  a year from now you will be amazed at how well you know his cues.  i remember feeling exactly the same way you are feeling at 3 months.  it is a good thing... it just means you care.  trust me when i say that you will get there.
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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member

    I wanted to add - some babies have very subtle signs.  They are hard to learn and hard to read. That doesn't make them less attached.  You're effort is what matters, not your successes.

    As others said, relax.  This is a long process that cannot be won or failed in a day - or a week - or a month.

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  • miragetdpmiragetdp member
    imageceliabwatson:

    RELAX! Seriously though, your baby will tell you what you need to know. If they try to tell you and are unsuccessful they aren't automatically going to assume you hate them and don't want to meet their needs. They might (rightfully) think "Oh, I didn't communicate that clearly, let's try another way". Babies are learning to communicate effectively just as we are learning to understand them. You'll find your rhythm soon enough, and then things will change and you'll adjust. As long as you're trying to meet your child's needs I think you're doing great. You can even say things like "I want to help you but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." 

    This, Exactly. You are doing a great job, I promise! 

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